Crowds,
crowds thronging,
jostling,
taking in the sights,
preparing for the celebration,
locals and visitors
rub shoulders,
the air
electric,
expectations high,
then
another layer,
an additional
charge,
a buzz,
rumours abound,
"could it be,
is it he?
The one
we have been waiting for?"
Stories are told,
healings,
miracles,
even the raising
of the dead!
Could it be?
Is it he?
Would we be foolish
to dare
to believe?
+
and still today
we ask
these questions...
My basket is full,
my cup overflows,
my head
and heart
are pounding
with infomation,
emotion,
overload,
there is so much need,
always so much need...
I could drown,
I could give up,
I could fight
to remain afloat,
turning and turning
as demand, after
demand
jostles for attention
crowding and claiming
a right to be
heard,
for space,
for direction,
for resolution...
+
but I choose none of these,
I choose to step away,
to draw aside
into the silence,
I choose to find the heartbeat
of God's creative
restoring flow,
and I will rest here until
she sends me out,
ready
for a new day
once again...
Sometimes I hide,
returning to the fake
safety of once discarded
grave clothes
and wrap them
tightly around my wounds and scars
as bandages that never heal,
but only hinder growth...
+
Hidden there I call myself
by once forgotten names of
brokenness, despair,
doubt and fear,
that draw me to the pit
of my own self loathing...
+
but to my surprise,
I find you there again,
and you hold me gently in the darkness
'til I am ready
to be freed
to walk with you again...
+
One day
I will
out grow
those grave clothes...
+
Image: New Life (mine)
help me to fall
into the deathless
depths of you,
where light and dark
are one, where I am
found in the losing and loosing
of my finite being
+
help me to break free
from smallness,
from false boundaries,
from self centered
decisions and divisions
that seperate me
from my soul
+
help me
to move beyond control
into the eternal dance of
love and life and light,
where grace abounds,
where healing
becomes more than
possibility
and I become myself
in you
+
Lead me O Holy Love
into your infinite grace,
moment by moment,
for my eyes long to see you.
Teach my heart to respond,
to heart through the clamour
of my thoughts, through the pressure
of my days, and the terrors
of my nights,
draw me beyond smallness
to tune my life
to your hearts' beat,
'til all becomes one,
and I become one in you,
'til I am carried by loves
deeper call
to flow with you
through the desert of my days
as grace
poured out,
poured in,
overflowing,
creating, recreating
bringing life...
+
Lead me O Holy Love
into your infinite grace,
moment by moment,
lead me...
What longing is this
stirring deep within,
filling me with awe
and dread?
I hear its' long past
echoes rumbling
in the distance...
+
Give it up,
let it go...
+
it is growing closer now,
a Tsunami of love
unstoppable
and I am in its path,
knocked down,
swept along,
out of control,
looking for something to cling to...
+
BUT THERE IS NOTHING,
the echoes repeat...
+
Give it up,
let it go....
+
All I can do is trust myself
to the flow
as it rips through and around me,
carrying me in grief, pain and rage,
carrying me with infinite
kindness, patience, gentleness
and understanding...
+
Give it up,
let it go...
the invitation thunders
around me...
+
Give it up,
let it go,
this is grace....
Image mine
what love
is this,
that seeks the shadow
side of me,
the turmoil, the guilt,
the doubt, the despair,
the hidden secrets
long burried
and forgotten
even by myself
'til lovecomes
knocking
wooing,
calling,
drawing me to
be whole
and holy
+
what love is this
that sits
with silence,
gently tenderly
binding my wounds
and healing my heart,
picking out the broken
pieces ,
the glass like
shards
of regret,
remorse and sorrow,
pouring forgiveness,
as an accepting balm
to make me whole,
to remind me
I am holy...
+
what love
is this?
Image mine
can I move,
change, turn,
begin again,
is this season just
a season,
always changing,
moving, calling
me on to something more.
+
can I move,
change, turn,
begin again,
is this another day
in the days of life
that turn, and turn,
and turn beneath
my feet
+
can I move,
change, turn,
begin again?
Can I?
Ressurection: Image mine
Oh that you would
tear open the heavens
and come down.....
+
What use is infant flesh,
fragile vulnerable and mute
from all but mewling?
+
What answer is this
to a world in pain?
+
Why add to our confusion?
What good is this to peoples
destroying one another
and the earth?
+
What use to famine,
disease, dis-ease,
heart-break and war?
+
Shake the earth,
split the heavens
COME!
+
"Follow me"
I hear a still small voice;
"Follow me,
take the downward, inward
journey, the less
trodden path..."
+
TEAR OPEN THE HEAVENS
my heart is screaming....
+
"Open your heart"
the Spirit whispers now...
+
"Open your heart,
for I am here..."
+
"Follow me...."
Image mine
(Isaiah 64: 1)
I am not ready,
am unprepared...
+
I need a place,
a space, a time
to wait...
and wait,
+
I want to hold
silence
to ponder the
tension between
presence and absense,
the now and not quite yet
of God's new heaven
and earth...
bursting forth
among us,
yet still just
out of reach,
out of sight.
+
I need a place,
a space, a time
to wait...
and wait
+
I want this longing
to grow within me,
freeing me from dulled senses,
calling forth
a new possibility
that can only be found
by entering in
to the darkness
of advent waiting...
waiting, and
waiting for the flame to be
kindled once again.
+
I need a place,
a space, a time
to wait....
and wait
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