I
've just read Katies post on Being Still and wonder at how difficult that can be sometimes... I have been thinking back over the last few years and according to stress levels it is surprising that the whole family has not collapsed in a gibbering heap.
Back in 1997 we were living in a quiet village in Essex UK , we were involved in community life in several ways, our children went to local schools...then we were offered the chance to move to Houston Texas, Tim was given a contract to work there and it was one of those we'll always regret it if we don't go situations.
We went , leaving small village life we decided that central Houston would be just too much culture shock so moved out to Katy. Finding and understanding the school system was stressful as was settling everyone in, but eventually that all worked out and everyone enjoyed two years of being warm. Paul graduated High School and then moved back to UK to go to college in 1999. Then the fun and games started...Paul was diagnosed with diabetes and Tims parents could not cope...our tenants stopped paying rent and we were made aware of housing problems.
After a lot of heart searching we moved back to the UK at the end of 1999, settling back into the English school system was as frustrating as it had been the other way around! We had to rent for a while as our tenants still had a contract..they started paying rent again so all was not too bad. We knew our house would need fully renovating....
Then Tim was made redundant (laid off ) life took a strange turn as he used the time and the severance package to work on the house. We moved back into our own home in summer 2000, Tim found more work quite quickly;15 months later he was laid off again, this coincided with both of us starting a course to study Evangelism. At the launch weekend we received an emergency call from my parents, Jonathan had collapsed, it turned out to be sudden onset diabetes following a stomach bug. That Sunday evening a crash team were called out, and it looked as if he might have sustained brain damage, Tim and I prayed hard and Jon pulled through, the crash team returned to London.
Sensing Gods call and timing White-Fields Trust was launched, and after 18 months of finding no Electronics work our Trustees encouraged us to look for something that would compliment the work of the Trust. This was hastened along when all of the mortgage insurances ran out and we were faced with bills we could not pay.
In summer 2003 having accepted a job share community outreach post we moved to Downham Market. We were soon busy at work, when in December 2003 Christopher was admitted to hospital, first in Kings Lynn (local) and then to the Royal Brompton in London. Chris was born with congenital heart disease and had several corrective surgeries as a baby and young child. His heart was failing and he was in hospital for a month as they stabilised his heart with medication but an operation was needed.
Emma who had taken a year out to work which included 3 months with Camp America in New York State, left for University, she graduates this year. She hopes to take a year out before moving on to a post grad degree as a String specialist. Emma is a Cellist.
Paul got married and had a baby daughter Rosabella.
The next year saw Chris spend 4 different stays in The Royal Brompton and in St Bartholomews Hospital in London as tests and checks were carried out. Joanne was finding life in Downham hard..one to many moves at the wrong age, also we had been so caught up with Chris's problems that we did not notice how unhappy she was until she showed signs of self harm, we are still dealing with this as self harm is addictive.
Christopher's surgery was planned in two stages, first a procedure at Barts to deal with an arrhythmia problem, then major open heart bypass surgery in Brompton. The first operation took place in February, and Chris came through it well. The second operation was set for July, we had to put it back as Chris had a tooth infection and needed an extraction. The surgery went ahead on 15th August 2005. Tim and I prepared for a long day, the complicated operation was set to last 9-10 hours, we walked and walked around too many parks...we tried to eat lunch and then we walked a little more. We returned to the hospital after 9 hours to be told he was still in surgery, at 10 hours he was still in surgery, and at 11 hours and at 12 hours, we went to the pub across the road with the promise from the hospital they would call us as soon as they had news.
Almost 13 hours after Chris went down for surgery we got a call....he was through the operation but there had been a number of complications. The 7 weeks that followed we sat with Chris taking week and week about (one at home with the other children), he had 15 lines of drugs, several monitors, a ventilator ,and was on kidney dialysis (for 2 weeks). Each night whoever was at home sent out a detailed prayer request...it was a lifeline. Friends held us up as we made it through those weeks. The staff in the Brompton were wonderful and very honest. One of the ICU consultants took a stab in the dark after a particularly difficult night when it had reached a make or break point he used a combination of treatment not previously indicated and amazingly it worked...we were seeing prayer answered, as he'd asked for prayer for wisdom!
While Chris was in hospital Paul's wife left him, he is now facing a messy divorce, and his wife is being difficult about access.
Chris came home in mid October, he still problems, due to the initial inflammatory reaction his leg swelled and two deep incisions were made to save it. He will need more surgery this year to restore his leg movement though he may never regain full control,his heart and pacemaker are working well!!!
On a brighter note, Joanne is being rescued by her love of music, she plays viola and has even had some paying work. Jonathan has discovered a love of acting and has played a number of leading roles. Tim has rediscovered sailing, the girls especially love to race...I am the default crew, which means I sail when the weather is horrible and everyone else finds an excuse not to!!!
Through all of this we have discovered new depths in prayer and how to hang on to faith with our fingernails. My preaching has become more grounded, and this morning I was able to share that I had nothing...well very little to say.
Without prayer, without God I would have been lost, I have had questions that have not been answered, but received comfort and straight beyond my imaginings. Chris wanted a Bible as soon as he could focus...God has done a deep work in him through all of this.
But now I need time to be still, I am considering asking to stop for the time being and pick up my academic training again in September, but I also fear that if I do all of the frustrations with work over the last few months will mean that I do not pick it up again. I fear losing both vocation and faith...
One scripture we were given when Chris was small has kept coming back to me and has kept me going:
2 Cor. 1:3-7 (GW)
Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! He is the Father who is compassionate and the God who gives comfort. [4] He comforts us whenever we suffer. That is why whenever other people suffer, we are able to comfort them by using the same comfort we have received from God. [5] Because Christ suffered so much for us, we can receive so much comfort from him. [6] Besides, if we suffer, it brings you comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, we can effectively comfort you when you endure the same sufferings that we endure. [7] We have confidence in you. We know that as you share our sufferings, you also share our comfort.
There are so many people who find themselves in difficult circumstances, who need to know not only that we will pray but that in some way we understand, I am grateful for the understanding I have been given...it HAS helped me to relate to others in their trouble and suffering. But I am also reminded that we are in a spiritual battle and that the devil seeks to destroy and defeat us...so please pray for us for this family could do with a break, we need tome to be, time to receive and time to rest.
Lord have mercy upon us.
.. and though I look across this new landscape in wonder- God remains the same, yet never the same... and I am lost in awe and wonder... I know that these photos show nothing but the emptiness of the horizon, but for me that is the point- I cannot know, nor can I capture the vastness of God, I cannot encompass Him in structures of my own making, nor can I explain Her .... I have fallen in love with the unknown and the unknowable, who gave everything by becoming human that I might know... and more sacrificed even that life for the love of such as me! I am overwhelmed by such love...
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