Eternal Echoes

home- a reflection from a wanderer. ( pondering Stephen Cherry's Barefoot Prayers)

what is home?

where is home?

I have always been a wanderer, 

I have moved from county to county,

from country to country,

even continent to continent,

I could be a professional packer,

I unpack quickly too,

I can make a place look settled,

books sorted,

pictures hung

within a week...

but is it home?

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sometimes I want it to be,

sometimes I long to move on...

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I will move on,

for now it is what I do...

even my garden plants 

are in containers...

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I have treasures,

cherished photos

and ornaments that take

pride of place,

but like me they are rootless,

taken in scattered places

loaded with memories

but they are not home...

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my security must come from something else,

it cannot be specific about place

or even kin, 

to find home

I must search my heart,

to be at home 

I must rest in the unchangable love

that is only found

in the mystery

of the one who never changes

but whose infinite nature

makes him known,

and unknowable...

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I am always looking for home;

perhaps we all are...

pathway. 

My photo

 

words... ( responding to Stephen Cherry's "Listening Day")

In this world of words,

soundbites,

and lengthy tomes,

speeches, 

snap decisions, yes, or no,

in this world of noise,

ringing phones,

traffic, the buzz and hum

of the T.V. filling every space

with advertising and political

propoganda, dross, drama, and 

what we call "light entertainment"...

in this world of confusion,

where misunderstandings are

often misunderstood, and

life feels like a strange game 

of Chinese whispers...

help me to

STOP.

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to stop, to

be present,

to hear...

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wrap me in silence for a while

'til my heart and mind

are stilled to hear

your voice, your presence

in the joy or pain

of the other,

and thrill me to the heart beat of

creation, life in all its fullness,

take me deeper

down through the noise

so I encounter you...

then let me soar in Spirit freedom...

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may my words reflect your life, your love,

your grace...

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may my silence

hold your peace...

Blackpool Sea Front, at sunset, a moment of stillness in a day full of sound...

Picture mine.

ready...

here I am Lord,

a mix of light and dark,

of talents and flaws,

of gifts and stumblings,

I am a bruised reed,

a smouldering wick,

a cracked pot...

but here I am,

ready to be

healed,

ready to be

fanned into flame,

longing to be filled

to overflowing

and to live in that

overflow...

set me free from all 

that binds me,

help me to name my wounds

my torments,

my shortcoming,

then to see by your grace your gifts

released through them...

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here I am Lord

trembling in the presence

of your love,

ready to do your will..

God light; On being thanked... ( reflections on self knowledge)

I am reading Stephen Cherry's "Barefoot Prayers" as my Lent book this year and really enjoying his poems. This morning the poem reflected on the issue of receiving thanks, he described the delight and discomfort of it, how we both need and enjoy it and brush it off in embarrassment.

"I want to push it back,

to shake it off,

to negative the positive.

To make it neutral: "it was nothing,";

your thanks is nothing".

But neither were nothing.

I have been thanked for my effort and

skill, diligence and care.

I am thrilled.

Yet still I am cautious, in case

in thrilling something is spoilt,

or lost."

This is something I can identify with quite strongly, for while it is gratifying and encouraging to be thanked it can also be uncomfortable and even make me want the ground to open up and swallow me at times. I do not want the spotlight, and yet stepping in to my calling requires me to step into the light, but sometimes what that light shows up can be discomforting to say the least. When I step into the light I step into a place where I am known, a place where I cannot be false, because I cannot be false in the light, but I must reflect that the true light and the limelight are by nature at odds with one another, and perhaps that is my conundrum.

If I court the limelight, actively seeking attention and applause I am almost always wearing a mask, acting out a role, letting you see what I perceive what you want to see, if I step into the true light then the mask is seen for what it is, a hiding place at best, and a falsehood at worst. I am not decrying good acting or storytelling, which has a place in illuminating and speaking truth to our lives, but rather asking questions of our very human tendency to hide in plain sight. So maybe it is being thanked for not being ourselves that places us in a very uncomfortable position! When we mumble words it wasn't me we reveal a deeper, darker truth, and the true light begins to do its work...

True light, God light shows things up for what they are, but it is not a light that we need to fear, for in God light we find love and grace to cast away the shadows of fear. God light reveals our deeper selves in a gentle, encouraging, gracious and healing way. God light allows us to see ourselves, warts, wonders and all. When we are standing and living in God light and we are thanked we can respond with true humility and celebrating the gifts and talents he has given to us we can respond, thank you, by the grace of God I am who I am...

Journey: When light meets the dark. S Coleman

Reveal your glory; a litany

Break over me,

break out in me,

breathe life through me,

 shine your loves light in me,

Holy God,

reveal your glory.

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Help me to let go

of the smallness of my thinking,

my limited vision

my fears of being exposed,

Holy God,

reveal your glory.

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Help me to seek out truth,

search for justice,

hunger for righteousness,

long for peace,

Holy God,

reveal your glory.

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Break my heart of stone,

replace it with a soft heart, 

a heart of flesh,

and let it beat with your compassion,

Holy God,

reveal your glory.

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Break through my prejudices,

my us and them thinking,

break down the barriers

I errect around myself a form of self protection,

Holy God,

reveal your glory.

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Break over me,

break out in me,

breathe life through me,

shine your loves light in me,

Holy God,

reveal your glory.

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I am yours, and you are mine, break through my darkness...

Holy God,

reveal your glory.

 

 

Picture; Joy. S Coleman

dull days..?

I do not live a face-book life,

a life filled with inspirational quotes and meaningful messages,

a life of gourmet meals, and outings with friends,

my life is not overflowing with family events,

nor is it always upbeat...

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I do not live a soap-opera life,

 a life filled with suspense and tragedy, a life of angst

or fear or great drama,

and I do not live a tabloid life,

a life of sensationalism

or scandal, I rarely create an outcry...

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Oh I have joys and high points, 

and I have known the depths of sorrow,

but mostly my days are ordinary days...

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I live a life of ordinary days

of mundane tasks,

of meetings,

of cleaning up after the cat

and weeding the garden,

but through this ordinariness

the soft light of glory shines,

there are touches and flashes of wonder,

and in the stillness I hear your voice

and watch as your unfolding story works 

quiet miracles

slowly, quietly, surely and unstoppably...

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so when I wake

to find that you have worked a miracle-wonder in me,

 I pause to ponder how that happened

through my ordinary days...

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Consider the lillies.  Sally Coleman

 

“Don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or if the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your inner life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the ravens, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, carefree in the care of God. And you count far more.

25-28 “Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? If fussing can’t even do that, why fuss at all? Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don’t fuss with their appearance—but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?

29-32 “What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.

33-34 “Be generous. Give to the poor. Get yourselves a bank that can’t go bankrupt, a bank in heaven far from bankrobbers, safe from embezzlers, a bank you can bank on. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

Luke 12: 22-34

 

Procrastinators prayer....

I don't know where to start,

I can't distinguish a from b, or e from z

for that matter,

too often I am swamped,

and my brain races in circles

to catch up with itself,

I over-think,

I miss things,

I try to prioritise,

then trip headlong over my priorities...

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I long to be still...

to hear the voice of calm...

to follow visions...

to dream dreams....

I long for connection...

My heart longs,

my soul is thirsty

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Lead me beside your still waters,

lead me to the well

that never runs dry,

create in me a flowing stream

of life, your life,

feeding and freeing mine...

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I long....

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I don't know where to start...

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Heal me,

Hold me,

Lead me...

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Image; bowl and towel. S. Coleman

centered...

let me be centered,

mindful,

at peace,

not overwhelmed,

overawed,

overcome,

not mired

in intractable questions,

problems, or my own

limited thinking,

let me be trusting,

loving, forgiving,

even of myself,

help me to let go,

to know

that when I am centered

on you, found in you

all will be well...

on my need for God, the dawning of love...

Following a couple of conversations today I am back to pondering a dilema that haunts so many of us, the dilema of loving ourselves. I don't mean indulging ourselves but really loving ourselves, warts and all in a healthy and wholesome way. Jesus certainly made it clear to us that our relationship with ourselves has a real bearing on our relationship with others and even with God, and I am beginning to wonder if we save our most elaborate masks and deceptions not to impress others but to hide from our own truths.

We are of course products of our own upbringing, and sadly prone to pass on our own insecurities to our children unless by some miracle we learn to free ourselves from the cycle by accepting that we are loved, truly, deeply loved. I continue to struggle with this, even though I preach it and know it to be true somewhere deep in my soul I reject the love and so reject myself, the "good" thing about love is that it refuses to give up on us and works away within and without us to awaken us to its call. 

The problem is that many times we plug our ears and blind our eyes to the call of love, we put on masks of self suffiency, of strength, of perfectionism, and we hide from ourselves and from love.  We hide because we beleive the lie that we are unworthy, we beleive the lie that we are not and can never be enough, we beleive the lie that we are unloveable...

These things are a lie, the truth is that we are each unique,  we each reflect the image of the God of love,  we are fearfully and wonderfully made, we are known through and through, and we are loved...

We are both darkness and light, we are a bundle of difficulties, we are a muddle of contradictions and confusions, often we want the best but live out the worst, and we are loved...

We are loved because of and despite ourselves,

We are loved...

We are loved for God IS love and nothing can overcome that...

So we become our own stumbling blocks for until we can accept ourselves and see ourselves in shadow as well as in sunlight we are lost. 

The words of Stephen Cherry's poem for today resonate with me;

"Before the dawn the birds were roused; calling to wake

the earth, singing hope, insisting on the coming of day.

I heard them not, I rested long in my fear, I trembled to be alone."

 

I have to ask myself what dulls my ears to the song of hope that love sings, and what dulls my heart to the possibility of love? Douglas Coupland sums up the secret of so many of us in his book Life After God

 "Now – here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God – that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me to give, because I am no longer capable of giving; to help me to be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me to love, as I seem beyond being able to love."

With this admission comes the vulnerability of realising that we cannot get life "right" on our own, that we need God and we need one another, that we are not and cannot be self sufficient islands, that we need to take of our armour and lay aside our masks. I need the dawning of God's love in my life, I need that love to break over my soul like the sun rising at dawn pushing back the darkness, and I need frequent reminders of my need, because it is so easy to slip on the mask and forget...

Picture: Dawn.