Eternal Echoes

Hosanna...

Hosanna,

Lord have mercy on us,

we cry out in

our need,

Lord turn towards us,

and in your

gentleness receive us,

we cry to you

Hosanna.

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Hosanna,

Lord be gracious to us,

we cry out in

our pain,

Lord reach out to touch us,

and in your

kindness heal us,

we cry to you

Hosanna

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Hosanna,

Lord set light within us,

where all is dark,

and hope is gone

Lord let your life begin,

and in your power renew us,

we cry to you

Hosanna

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Hosanna, Lord,

Hosanna

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I am preparing for Palm Sunday and pondering the events leading up to what we so often wrongly ( in my view) call the triumphal entry. The raising of Lazarus, and the annointing of Jesus both speak of life and death, Jesus is heading towards death through which new life would come, but we cannot underestimate the pain or darkness of it. The cry Hosanna reflects this, often misinterpreted as a cry of praise it is actually a cry for release, relief and healing. If Jesus followers kept quiet as the religious leaders demanded he says the very stones of the city would cry out, all of creation is goraning for release. Perhaps Hosanna properly understood should be our deepest prayer as we head into Holy Week.

Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, this was not a random act and from the scriptures it seems to have been thought out and prepared, he was making a point, the donkey is a beast of burden, and Jesus and his followers would have stood in stark contrast toe the other procession likely to have been entering Jeruaslem that day. Rome was "changing the guard", Pilate would have ridden in on a white charger displaying the might and power of Rome. Jesus power is not of this world, and it is to Jesus that the crowds cried out to for release and healing.

It is sobering to remember that later in the week those same crowds would be crying out "Crucify him".  It is sobering to ponder my own fickleness in the light of this.

 

Gentleness

At the beginning of Lent I hoped to blog a poem a day, and started well, responding to Stephen Cherry's Lent Book, "Barefoot Prayers", but over the last week and a half have hardly read or written anything at all. It would be easy to feel down and defeated but thankfully I don't, I have been suffering from a horrible cold and chest infection and have needed to take care of myself, and if that means that I don't have the energy to do the writing I was hoping to do that is OK.  I haven't failed, instead I have allowed myself to rest when I needed to, the same issue arose today when I wanted to help someone in need but knew that if I did that would be a step too far. 

Saying no can be so hard, no to my goals, and no to folk wanting help or time or anything really, but I have had to do so, and in doing so I have found a gentle grace with myself that I often don't allow. It may simply be my personality type but I am often driven and don't like to show vulnerability even when I am aware of it, and it might just be that I am human, I suspect it is a mixture of both.  

So today I not only said no, but I have also accepted and asked for help, I need to come aside this afternoon, to spend some time in quiet and in prayer, to ponder the coming roller coaster ride of Holy Week. As I did so I began to ponder that exhaustion was a part of Jesus experience, he knew the need to withdraw, to come aside and called the disciples to do the same. He knew what it was to feel overwhelmed and even to want to walk away from it all, just meditating on his experience of Gethsemane helps me to know that even when I come to the end of myself that I cannot come to the end of God, and I remember that his strength holds me in my weakness.

So I have resolved not to beat myself up but rather to be gentle with myself, and today I join Stephen Cherry in yesterdays prayer;

God of the Golden Rule,

let us be to others as we need them to be to us.

And let others be to us as we

seek to be to them.

When we fail forgive us,

when they fail

heal us.

When we hurt each other reconcile us.

And all by your most gentle grace.

justice...

let me feel justice

as your heartbeat

for the world,

that I might walk

step by step in time

with the rhythm

of eternity, drawing

from it the courage 

to stand up and be counted,

help me to understand that

true justice is not about 

revenge or retaliation

but an act of love and grace

that will not be held back,

teach me the deepest truth

that your justice sets me free

and names me worthy, and

even in my darkest days

you draw me into the light,

you fill me with your light,

I long to be your light,

your voice,

your love,

teach me to act justly,

to love mercy

to walk humbly with you...

 

Rhythms of grace

Image mine

hatred...

I hate it,

but there it is,

weaving its

thoughts through

my heart,

mind, and soul, destroying

peace,

wreaking havoc

in my relationships

as it insists on

being heard, demands 

attention....

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I hate that it

turns on me,

turns me on myself

a distorting mirror

to the fabric of my being

spreading half truths

and untruths

abroad with

pernicious delight...

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I hate...

I catch myself

acknowledging the strength

of feeling, the energy

drawn from me

in the very act 

of hating,

and from the corner of my

eye I see a 

tear falling silently

as the crucified one

weeps for me/p>

and washes my hatred

with grace...

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...and I hear a

whisper...

"Father forgive them,

they know not

what they do..."

 

on emptiness...

I have nothing to give,

nothing to share,

I am nothing,

all is empty,

I survey the horizon

and see nothing,

my heart craves love,

my mind craves truth,

but nothing,

there is nothing, nothing of myself...

BUT there is you,

and when  I dare to lean on you,

dare to trust you,

dare to draw upon you

I become more,

I am freed,

I am me

hidden in Christ with God,

 a new creation,

transformed,

loved, 

known,

one,

filled,

confident,

me...

with God...

(em)body...

flesh and blood,

skin and bone,

muscle and sinew,

knit together, a wonder,

intricate organs, 

minute cells, 

woven to the

mystery of me,

 connected as

mind, spirit, soul,

given substance,

unique one of a kind substance,

fearfully and wonderfully made...

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why then do I struggle with me?

even struggle against me ?

why do I fight 

even despise

who I am?

I am not a surface being,

I can revel in interconnected senses,

touch and smell, taste and hearing...

the wind in my hair,

the earth, 

beneath my feet,

the smell of a newborn,

I am fearfully and wonderfully made...

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if I want to embody love,

 I will have to start with myself, accept myself,

warts, wonder and all,

so I ask for grace to accept me,

even my body

with its joys and its pains,

to nurture and care for me,

to accept and nourish me,

funny how I called my body it

as I began...

I changed my thinking...

from now on it is me,

fearfully and wonderfully made...

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I want to embody love

I choose to begin,

making a change,

accepting that I am accepted,

fearfully and wonderfully made

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Read also:

I have a womans body...

 

mindful...

I want to savour life,

to taste the moment,

to be awake to its

blessings and pains,

to know myself,

to be aware of my reactions,

to be willing to hold them

as treasures or a dross,

to grow, to be

transformed, inwardly

transformed,

able to love and to give,

to heal and to hear,

to celebrate and even

to mourn...

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so I pray for grace,

for an inner well of

stillness,

a centering source

of truth,

a connection to the holy,

where the chatter and distractions

of my days

can be sifted and sorted

in loves kinder light...

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Image Centered 

S. Coleman

Evensong; a prayer for the ending at the beginning of a day ( responding to Stephen Cherry's poem)

  
As this day ends

may I see

echoes of your grace

woven through its

words and actions,

may I know that I have not

walked it alone,

may I have trusted you,

waited on you,

listened for you,

please lift me when 

I stumble,

please hold me when I quake

with fear,

rejoice with me

weep with me,

and help me to be open,

when this day ends

grant me

your grace,

your healing,

your forgiveness

and your love

when this day ends

may I find my peace

in you...

Awe and wonder .  Photo mine

holidays/ holy-days..

What I long for is

time set aside

for nothing much,

no plans,

no deadlines,

no hurry or worry,

no what shall we do,

or where shall we go,

but time ...

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so why do I feel guilty,

why do I feel the need to 

plan days out,

to look for activities 

to fill every moment,

to search out stories

to tell, to wow others with;

"you would have loved it,

we had a great time..."

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I have made a decision,

I am going to reclaim my

holiday as a holy

and I am going to do nothing,

I want to breathe deeply,

notice the moment,

seek wonder from a deeper place

I am going to give myself time...

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To know God...

As I journey deeper in to Lent this year I am more and more convinced that the whole point of this season is not about what I give up or sacrifice but about how I relate to God, or probably more importantly a revelation of how God sees me.

I pause to ponder what frees me, what releases me from the things that hold me back, what helps me to see the potential in myself that God sees....

Will abstaining from chocolate or wine, or bacon, or crisps help me with this, will a 40 day fast begin to make a difference? Now I am not criticising those who feel that they have been truly called to fasting, but I do wonder about our practice of abstinence when all it does is make us feel more holy; even more I am concerned for those who begin well but feel they have failed when they succumb to what they see as temptation.

I hear God's word: 

"I’m after love that lasts, not more religion.
    I want you to know God, not go to more prayer meetings."

Hosea 6:6 The Message

... and I begin to wonder if we have ever understood. What does it mean to know God, to be known by God, to be accepted and loved, to be met with mercy, grace, and forgiveness?

I now know that there is nothing I can do to make myself holy, there is nothing I can do to make God love me more than he already does, that there is nothing I can do to make myself acceptable, for I am loved, received and accepted just as I am. It has taken me years to understand this in a deep way, to delve beyond the surface of my own inconsistencies.

I now know that more than anything God wants me to know in a deep way that the Spirit testifies with my spirit that I am a much loved, cherished and accepted child of God...

Giving up chocolate, wine, crisps or even bacon butties makes no difference to this, nor does a 40 day fast...

More than anything I desire to know and to be known;

God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him! 

Mercy, not sacrifice...

The Message: Romans 8: 15-17