Eternal Echoes

Being gentle with myself...

This morning I led and preached at an Advent Communion Service at North Shore, it felt right to be doing it. Unsusally for me I used the Worship Book and leant on the Liturgy to carry me through and found it both helpful and powerful. but I am having to take note that it left me exhausted. I was planning on going for a walk this afternoon but must admit that I fell asleep and didn't have the enegry for the walking so when I woke up and after a cup of tea did some Qi-gong style stretches instead. 

So why am I writing about this? Well partly for myself I must admit, and maybe for those who have spoken to me following my blogs on depression because they have struck a chord with them. Yesterday was a very hard day, I have identified why and am not about to beat myself up about not doing all of the things that I ( and yes finally I see that it is probably more me than others) feel that I should be doing. It would be very easy for me to be angry with myself for not going out walking this afternnon but I am not going to be, I can walk tomorrow, and I don't have to be completely better, I don't have to be on top form, and I can accept the care, love and gifts of others.

Yesterday Iwas tempted to beat myself up for not being at  Church to help with the decorating, but I truly didn't have the energy for it and that is OK at the moment. I know that in order to care for others that right now I have to learn to care for myself gently, so I am trying to do things like eating properly, getting exercise and sleep and not pushing myself too much. The Church looked lovely this morning and I am grateful for all of those who gave their time and gifts in the decorating, I am grateful for a community that works together, yes we have our differences and quirks, disagreements and irritations but on the whole we are working together, and need to work together. 

So I continue to take things day by day and step by step, knowing that God is with me, and not allowing one day to inform how I might be the next day, if I had done that this morning I would not have got out of bed. Walking through Advent with depresion as my guide is giving me a fresh perspective on the depths of love revealed in the one who would leave the glories of heaven to be born into his creation. I am finding a quieter less glitter paved way towards the Christmas Celebrations, taking a fresh joy in the Scriptures and symbols such as a single candle while not forcing a daily observance I am finding the God who has found me, and trusting in the Spirit to be the strength in my weaknesses.

Today has been a good day in many ways, tomorrow may not be, for now I am content to take things one step at a time.

Photo taken on retreat in Durham last month

compelled by love ( all this for you)

Before I start I will state that while I am a Methodist Minister ( Presbyter) the views in this blog post are my own views and while I hope that they will in some way reflect the views and mission of the Methodist Church, they remain simply my views.

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I am responding to Quentin Lett's Radio 4's Programme "What's the point of...?" broadcast this morning at 9am, and to be broadcast again this evening at 9:30pm. Today he was asking "What's the point of Methodism?"

I am not going to  enter into a long critique of the programme which raised some interesting points about our history and origins, and spoke of both scriptural holiness and social justice in a positive way. I am not even going to touch the possible ensuing conversation about whether we should of shouldn't join with the Church of England, but rather I want to speak of what I felt was missing because it is because of what I felt was missing that I find myself in the Methodist Church today often slipping on my "dog-collar" and wondering " how did that happen...!"

I know the answer to my own often voiced rhetorical question, it happened because of the love and grace of God, it happened because I found in Methodism a way to Christ that I had not found elsewhere, and it is the love and grace that I find rooted in the Arminian theology of Prevenient Grace that has set me free to stand in a place where I can begin to say that I am here because Christs love compells me.

Let me say now that I am a "convert," I do not have a history of Sunday School or a good solid Methodist upbringing or a good solid anything upbringing for that matter, I came to faith by discovering the power of prayer at a difficult time in the life of my then young family. Through prayer I discovered a God who was very real and very present, but my journey into faith was not so easy; I struggled with the sense that I was not acceptable and tried to obey all sorts of rules to make myself acceptable. For some reason I could not accept that God loved me for me.  The more I tried to make myself acceptable the more I invented God as a monster in my own eyes failing to see the true revelation of his love in the person of Jesus. It was only when I began working for the Methodist Church as an outreach worker and was fortunate enough to begin studying at the same time that another theological window, another way of thinking about God, and thinking about how God might think about me opened up.

What if the God that Jesus revealed really identified with the poor, reached out to the oucast, healed the untouchable, and included the unclean, the foreigner and the sinner; anyone who could that could be labled "other" by those trying to create an exclusive community? What if God loved us first and calls forth love from us? What if God is bigger and more inclusive than I could possibly imagine?

As I began to follow and worship this God, not the angry monster God I found that I could begin to love and accept myself, it was the revelation and the still unfolding revelation of this love that drew me into ministry, that drew me beyond my own small confines and boundaries to love " the other", discovering that they are not other at all but that we share a common humanity.

Some of the most powerful words in the Methodist Worship book ( for me) are written in the Baptism Liturgy, those words; "All this for you" are preceded by the declaration of God's revelation in the person of Jesus, including "for you he lived and showed Gods love".  

It is this revelation that set a flame burning within my heart, it is this revelation that stirs my soul, it is here that "God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who  we really are. ( Romans 8:16). Precious, beloved children of God, made in Gods own image. Surely if I am a precious, beloved child of God then so is my neighbour, and more challengingly the one I call "other" for any reason, in fact the other is who I am particularly called to love, for it was to the other that Jesus came! The truth then is that not only can I be drawn beyond my own boundaries, but to declare that there are none, there can be none! As a friend of mine says " there is nothing secular except for sin", and all sin is is that thing that seperates us from God. So with boundaries and barriers gone we can live out our theology, and all are ( now) welcome at the table!

All of this is hugely challenging for the Methodist Church, because as the Radio show revealed Methodism appears to be built on certain standards and values, traditionally calling people to sobriety and a morally upright way of life, to social action and to have a passion for justice, but what it missed is that the source of these lies in the move of God.  John Wesley's own journal contains the telling declaration ;

"I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone, for salvation; and an assurance was given me that He had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.."

It was this assurance, this experience that compelled him, this experience, this assurance that compelled many of those who were touched by his preaching and the movement that followed Methodism is primarily born of the Spirit, an experienced encounter with God, and while this is not unique perhaps its expression in concern for the poor and a desire for social justice is a mark of that move and a particular gift. Yes we sing our theology, but there is a reason that the Methodist Hymnody is important, music made the message acessible and memorable and is well known to touch the heart and the spirit in ways that words alone cannot. Yes many Methodists are passionate about Social Justice and politics but these all have their roots in the move of the Spirit that Welsey experienced as his heart was strangley warmed.

Our problem? I want to suggest that it is the phenomena known as " convert and lift"- that is to say that as people took on the moral values and aspirations and possibilities of living differently that we lost our roots, Methodism became middle class and lost the Spirit. Oddly I came from a middle class background and the Spirit found me! That said I know many passionate and committed people called Methodist, people who serve, people who love, people who light up a room with the love of God that flows from them, people who are passionate not only for God but through God for their neighbours both local and global.

Will we die out? Not if we dare to follow the way of Christ and dare to give ourselves away, not if we allow the Spirit to inspire and equip and guide us, not if we fan into flame the gift within us and recognise afresh that we are a movement and not an institution. More than anything  we need a fresh fire to fill our hearts and that fire must be of God not of our own striving, and it must be a fire of grace, a desire to include rather than exclude, to accept the other, to include the other, to identify with the outcast, to become as Christ...

I leave you with a story from last night at our Drop in here in Blackpool " The Comfort Zone", one of our community members bounced in full of energy and love carrying a bunch of flowers, her gift to us for no particular reason, and expression of love and joy, she blessed us all. It was another members birthday, touched by his story we bought him a card and a cake, he was really pleased, but when it came to cutting and sharing his cake he refused, he wanted to take it home and to keep it for himself. At the end of the evening we gathered around the table to share in prayer and communion, and neither were excluded, such is the love and grace of God with us, and that should bring us all to our knees! Love is stronger than death....

All this for you!

Maybe what we need is a rebranding exercise, as the programme mentioned we were also once called Enthusiasts! A discipleship movement shaped for mission! Called to life in Christ, living out a calling to love, to justice, to holiness and compassion. Maybe what we need to rediscover is that flame that so set Wesleys' heart ablaze, the Spirit of God calling us to live out our inner experience in Spirit and in truth.

Let us take up the cross 
till we the crown obtain, 
and gladly reckon all things loss 
so we may Jesus gain.

Image: Canvas 1 of Waves of Grace - mine ( a comission for a church in Blackburn)

 

 

Grounded in love

Last Saturday I was asked to give the message at a friends wedding, it was a rel privilige to do so, since then I have been asked to reproduce it, so here it is:

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The reading was from 1 John Chapter 4: 7-12

There was also a reading from mother Julian of Norwich.

C&S have chosen a powerful reading, a reading that acknowledges that the source of the love that they have found in one another lies beyond them. In that acknowledgement lies a deep and holy strength, a strength that will allow them to live within and draw upon the love of God, a love that Mother Julian reminds us " has never slackened nor ever shall".

She also tells us that; "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."

All shall be well, for love is here.

All shall be well for we are loved, each one of us cherished, unique, valued, sought after and held in the heart of love. What a wonderfully creative sense of humor God has!

Each one of us known through and through.

Each one of us held in the love that is God.

All shall be well, love is here, and all shall be well.

It is a topic that has consumed artists of all kinds throughout human history; paintings, poems, novels and more all explore the topic of love. The question of what love is and what it means to be loved acts itself out on stage and screen, through word, song, movement and dance. It comes to us daily in human stories via the news, dramas, documentaries, sop operas and more.

Philosophers ask the question, as do theologians, even science looks into the physical, biological, sociological and psychological benefits of love to the whole person and therefore to society, acknowledging that we need more in our lives than food and shelter. We need love, we were made by love for love. To love and to be loved is a part of who we are, fo all to be well we need to dwell in love.

True love is not soft and fluffy.

True love is not sentimental or weak.

True love is powerful, overwhelming and quite unstoppable.

True love should never be treated carelessly or lightly. True love as the Scriptures remind us has its source, its completion and its identity in God. 

Listen to the powerful words of Mother Julian again:

He loves us and enjoys us. Hear that for yourself...

He loves you and enjoys you. He loves YOU, and enjoys YOU!!! God LOVES you and ENJOYS you.

If you are able to even begin to recieve the awesome truth of that, able to be open to that then you are beginning to connect with and understand the heart of God. The heart of God who shows himself in the wonder and joy of creation. The heart of God who could not hold love back but revealed himself to us in the person of Jesus, even pouring out his life on the cross.

God is always for us, always at work within us, and all around us, wooing us and waiting for us to awaken to the presence of love in our lives. As God is love so we are love,  but very often we need to discover this, discover that he has always and always will love us first.

S&C, as we gather as your friends and family today we pray that you will continue to draw upon the never slackening love of God. We pray that in your openness to God  that you will mirrior that love not only to one another but also to those around you, that you will be channels of his love, life and peace. May the gift of your marriage give to you and to us a fresh glimpse of the heart of God. 

For Gods love reaches its goal when we not only receive it but allow it to work within us freeing us and opening our hearts to the other, creating life-giving relationships that feed us all. As we join you in celebrating today you do indeed grant us a glimpse of loves glory and we are reminded that in a world where there is so much global and personal pain that: All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

We are reminded that each of us here is loved and capable of love, unique, special and held in the heart of the God who loved us first.

I leave you with a prayer, again from Mother Julian:

Lord before ever you made us you loved us. Nor has your love ever slackened, nor ever shall. In love all your works have begun, and in love they continue. In this love our life is everlasting, and in this love we shall see you and be glad forever. Amen.

Picture: New beginnings ( mine)

Grace comes...

Grace comes,

unbidden,

Spirit moving

wild and free

calling us into

a recreative dance,

to leave behind the former things,

to follow lifes new flow,

to catch the heartbeat of  love,

to hear the truth of its rhythm...

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Grace comes

unbidden,

Spirit moving

wild and free

calling us to follow

to step out and know the power of 

this new days invitation,

to breathe new air,

to grasp new vision,

to become more, not less than we have been...

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Grace comes

unbidden,

Spirit moving

wild and free

calling us beyond our fears,

beyond our hesitations.

Grace comes,

God is with us,

and now

the hands that flung stars into space,

the hands that healed, and calmed and nurtured,

the hands that surrendered to wood and nail

are reaching out to you, to me...

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Grace comes,

with just one question;

will you come and dance with me?

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The thinking behind this poem/ meditation was a part of the process of creating a piece of art work for a church in Darwen, Lancashire, the idea of a move of grace is an interpretation of the community of the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, that Christianity names God. It reminds us that God is somehow knowable and yet unknown, faith and walking in faith become in many ways a walk into mystery with a trusted friend, that friend is God, the God who knows us through and through for we are created in God's image.

God often calls people beyond their comfort zones, from Abraham right at the beginning of the Bible, to the Apostles at the end God issues invitations to the people he loves and leads them into some amazing if sometimes scary adventures.

Jesus himself called people to follow him all through his ministry, that call has rumbled on through history ever since. This is one of Jesus invitations:

“The Father has given me all these things to do and say. This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge. No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does. But I’m not keeping it to myself; I’m ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen.

28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11: 27-30

trust and frailty ( a prayer at the beginning of a new venture)

our frailty lies before our eyes

our vulnerability

internal and external,

we are at the end of ourselves, and

even at the beginning of the road

 we have no strength,

no hope but you...

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our frailty lies before our eyes

and you say "feed my sheep,

come follow me",

but our hands are almost empty...

and you say "only offer

what you have..."

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still our frailty lies before our eyes,

our doubts rise as surely as the tides,

and you say

"leave your boat, come walk

across the water,

release your fears,

 follow me..."

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still our frailty lies before our eyes... but

to whom else could we go?

and so we come,

only help us

with strength to follow ...

 

Grace comes...

Grace came,

steely eyed,

her gaze penetrated

my soul and

laid me bare

stripping away

my cloaks of excuses,

my layers of defence.

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Grace came,

steely eyed,

inviting me to be open,

to dare to be

open, to tell her

what she already knew,

so that the truth

could set me free.

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Grace came,

steely eyed,

demanding my attention...

...I stepped into her light

swept up in her embrace...

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Grace comes,

steely eyed,

to all

with hearts

to see

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Grace...

Today I came face to face with grace, it came as a surprise and with the powerful sense of the presence of God. God making space for grace, God opening hearts to grace, and God working to heal and to restore. It was so powerful that I had to go for a walk this evening to begin to make sense of it, to pray and to reflect and to ponder anew the depths of the love God offers.

Today I was challenged to offer forgiveness, and reminded that it is something I too need to receive, I was reminded that it is easy for me to hide from myself, and to hide myself from others. I am rarely confronted with the full truth about myself, and that even a partial revelation would bring me to my knees in proper fear and awe of the love I am offered by the one who knows me inside out and loves me more than I can begin to understand. 

Today I was reminded that forgiveness is costly, costly not only for the one who offers it but also for the one who receives. The one who offers lets go of any desire for recompense or revenge, the one who receives must be open hearted and willing to own their dark-side and allow it to be seen.

This is grace, grace offered to me by the God whose ultimate letting go was letting go of life upon the cross, today I was asked to let go, and found that by the grace of God I could. In the letting go there was a blessing, in the fact that grace was received the love of God was revealed.

I could go on, but don't have the words for the cartwheels my heart is performing right now, enough to say that God is at work in us his purpose to perform...

God makes everything come out right;
    he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work,
    opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
    nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.

(From Psalm 103 The Message)

a new order

the old order

of things

Is passing, a 

new day

has dawned,

in my soul

a flame,

a fire, has

been kindled,

and though

at times

it burns low

it will not

be extinguished...

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the old order

of things

Is passing, a 

new day

Has dawned,

in my soul

a spring,

living water

has begun to

flow,

and though

at times

it is

only a trickle

it will not

dry up...

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the old order

of things

Is passing, a 

new day

Has dawned,

in my soul

a soft breeze

blows scattering

the debris of

what was,

and though

at times

it is softer than

a single breath

it will not cease....

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the old order

of things

IS passing, a 

new day

HAS dawned

 

The Comfort Zone...

tonight we met,

we ate we laughed,

we talked,

we prayed,

we shared stories of hope,

stories of heartbreak,

stories of depth

and of despair,

we hugged,

we loved, 

we fought back tears

and choked on a few

angry words,

there were questions,

frustrations, 

tensions and tears,

in in the midst was God,

opening our eyes

and hearts,

calling us to find him

in one another

and in the breaking of the bread,

a holy moment

to sustain us,

hold us, nourish us

connect us,

and heal us

until we meet again.....

 

The Comfort Zone is a drop in for homeless and needy people in Blackpool it is situated at North Shore Methodist Church, but it is more than that, it is a community of folk who share their lives with one another. There is real love here in the midst of our human brokenness, volunteers and clients mix as one, and often the lines are blurred over who is helping/ ministering to who. Tonight I gave and received hugs, we broke bread together, and I saw the heartbreak of God for his people in the eyes of a young woman more hungry for God than for her jacket potato. I often feel that I cannot do enough, and God comes close and fills in the gaps, we meet him together, and that is the mystery of grace...

in the shadow of resurrection...

I am still mulling over my response to Easter this year, as I made my way through the gospel accounts of Holy Week, and as I encountered the Easter Story itself I was struck afresh by the power, the gentleness and the subversiveness of it. I got myself into trouble with one or two Church members by not beginning any of my Easter Sunday Services with the traditional shouts of "Alleluia Christ is risen", but rather with the quiet fear-filled story of the women at the tomb. We did come to the shouts of Alleluia, but they were framed by questions, and primarily the questions; "what has happened here?" an "what does this mean for me?"

If I am honest I am becoming more and more convinced that our propensity to demand certainties does not serve us well, and I fear that we sometimes treat Easter Day like a birthday party, lots of preparations, one big blow out and then back "to reality". My problem is that I do not believe that the true message of Easter allows us to go back to reality, for through it reality itself is changed. Nor do I believe that the resurrection message can be encountered through a once a year party, celebrating a one time event. Resurrection is ongoing, it should be unfolding and taking place in our lives day by day, it is surprising, confusing, demanding and at times down right scary.

There are times when we will resist resurrection, times when we will deny it or doubt that we can ever be a part of it, times when the story will leave us confused and disoriented. Perhaps at those times the we need to find our way back to the real power and simplicity of the story. C.S Lewis brings a fresh set of eyes to it through the Narnia stories;

"Susan and Lucy had just witnessed the horrific death of Aslan, and were now said to be “walking aimlessly,” unsure of how to proceed.

At that moment they heard from behind them a loud noise — a great cracking, deafening noise as if a giant had broken a giant’s plate…. The Stone Table was broken into two pieces by a great crack that ran down it from end to end; and there was no Aslan.

“Who’s done it?” cried Susan. “What does it mean? Is it more magic?”

“Yes!” said a great voice from behind their backs. “It is more magic.” They looked round. There, shining in the sunrise, larger than they had seen him before, shaking his mane (for it had apparently grown again) stood Aslan himself.

“Oh, Aslan!” cried both the children, staring up at him, almost as much frightened as they were glad….

“But what does it all mean?” asked Susan when they were somewhat calmer.

“It means,” said Aslan, “that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.”

I wonder how often we try to cover our aimless wandering with a paper thin veneer of proclaimed certainties, how often we long to rush past the "deeper magic" , power and wonder of the resurrection accounts and get back to our daily lives lest they call us into the dramatic changes of our world-view and therefore our lifestyle, and even perhaps more challengingly the way we see ourselves and relate to others.

Resurrection is gentle but insistent if we dare to receive it as a work of the Spirit within us, through it God begins to reveal our true selves to us, peeling away our masks and falsehoods, and showing us that by some miracle we are at once unworthy, yet worthy of his love. Showing us that somehow even our past mistakes, sins and injuries can be transformed. The first disciples did not understand the fullness of what had happened among them. They were not able to produce a wonderfully inspiring three point sermon explaining it, not even Peter at Pentecost had everything buttoned down and sewn up.

What they did know however is that somehow all of this was centered on God's revelation of himself in Christ, and that somehow that revelation itself had been enlarged and changed as life overcame death and evil, pain and that somehow all of this had both personal and at the same time cosmic consequences. Even St Paul's conversion on the Damascus was not a neat, tidy sudden event, just read the account and meditate upon it. Not only was he blinded, but he spent 3 days in prayer and fasting before he was ready for Ananias prayer. Even then he spent time learning and praying, and his letters show his own grappling with the question "what has happened?"  Scripture does not perhaps offer us as many certaities as we assume, and I think that deep within we know this, maybe that is why we don't like to linger too long with it. 

So this year I have been challenged to linger a little longer in the shadow of the resurrection, for I long for the power of it to work a deeper magic within my soul, I need that deeper magic. A "magic" I cannot contain or fully explain, a work of God that asks me to dare to give myself to it, and that I need not fear it.

I will end with two quotes that offer no answers, but rather form an invitation to us all in different ways, an invitation to linger at the tomb of our own being, and to allow that tomb to become a womb of possibility where life itself might enter in;

“That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, ‘No future bliss can make up for it’ not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory.” C.S.Lewis; The Great Divorce

"New life starts in the dark. Whether it is a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, it starts in the dark.”  Barbara Brown Taylor

 The question is, are we ready for life?