We have just returned from Spring Harvest. The 6 days were exhausting as usual, the 6 young adults (17 & up) we took with us enjoyed the worship and the chance to explore their faith with a wider group than the one that inhabits Downham Market!
But for me the week was frustrating; I have been questioning many things recently and over the last three years my theological position has shifted away from a strongly Evangelical expression to a what Dave Tomlinson describes as a Post Evangelical expression. But more frustrating than that I so often find myself unable to worship. I sat one evening in the Big Top listening to the music and lyrics of the charismatic worship which would once have thrilled and inspired me only to find myself wanting to get out of there as quickly as I could. I cannot put my finger on why or on what has changed, but it feels like something has broken and will never be the same again. It hurts to write this, it hurt to experience it!
I am trying to identify what has changed, I sense that at a deep level, NO I know at a deep level that God is the same, expressed in the wonder and mystery of the Trinity God is awesome and majestic, gentle and loving, and completely beyond my ability to grasp, whilst at the same time my most intimate companion on my pilgrimage through life.
Adrian Plass spoke on the last evening about a radio interview where he was asked if he was a Born Again Christian, detecting something in the tone of the question he responded ;
Tell me are you asking me if I am a bigoted narrow minded git?
Stunned the presenter assented to this and Adrian went on to ask us that evening
WHAT HAVE WE DONE...what have we done... ?
What have we done ...to the wonderful message of Gods love as shown in Christ...how have we condensed the message to present such a narrow and small minded caricature of the God who created the universe, the God who set stars in place, the God who gave of himself in a way we cannot possibly imagine...giving up as Jesus did position power and privilege to come among us God incarnate...?
How have we reduced the amazing and wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit, come to dwell in us joining our souls and spirits in a communion with God, to a power we can tap into to give us what we want or need if we live within the narrow parameters set down by our narrow gospel?
Have we somehow forgotten grace?
Now I am not suggesting that the whole Spring Harvest team have forgotten grace, perhaps it is simply that the favoured charismatic style leaves me cold. But I do question the lack of space to question, to enter in to deep dialogue to respond creatively ... I do recognise that this is not truly possible in such a large group of people so I must examine myself to find the source of the brokenness I feel.
John 15:2 (MsgB)
He cuts off every branch of me that doesn't bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more.
I have a huge bright patchwork coat made from recycled jumpers, it is over-sized and lined in fleece ( in the middle of summer I feel hot just thinking about it!). I love it, it brightens up gloomy winter days, and you I can wear loads of layers under it. It is not smart, but it is fun! I bought it from 
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