Eternal Echoes

Embracing fullness- a journey of faith

I have been asked by several friends who reading my blogs have detected a change in how I voice my faith how and why my theological position has shifted.

I guess it would be helpful to start at the beginning of my faith journey to show how I have moved and changed...

I was not brought up in a Christian home and so have no childhood denominational baggage to carry about, this also meant that I came to the learn the Bible as an adult and did not have the disadvantage of hearing child friendly versions of Bible stories. On the other hand I did not have the advantage of having Godly living modelled to me in any way.

This lack of Godly role models and a rather chaotic upbringing led to my own life also being somewhat out of control, but along with this I had a deep desire to connect with God somehow, I attended church with a friend a few times in my teens and by the age of sixteen was a regular attender...but my take on the message was skewed, I felt that I had to earn my way into Gods good books and set about trying to do so....

I have often in testimony likened these years to my Jekyll and Hyde period trying to be good whilst being bad, looking back I sense I was being very hard upon myself, for I was looking for love and affirmation wherever I could find it, both in the church and in a series of disastrous relationships.

My faith journey has continued from that point with a series of definite landmarks which have caused me to stop take stock. I grew into an Evangelical faith, where it was important to obey the rules and where the Bible was a book never to be questioned, the Creation account for example was accepted not in the literal 7 day sense but with the qualification that a day is like 1,000 years etc, and God could do what he liked anyway....

I found this life stifling and hard, and no matter how I tried I could not live up to all of the rules, I felt like a second class Christian, obviously unworthy, and possibly unacceptable. The Holy Spirit I had been taught was not there to help the disobedient.

One break through came on an Evangelistic mission with TFM, where talking to people about Gods love I sensed him saying I love you too you know, and I began to discover grace... God by his Spirit was full of grace and wanted to help me to live the life he had called me to. All I had to do was to want to change and to ask.

Still the rules and laws held me,I was worried about doing or saying the wrong thing in case God felt unable to accept me. Lots of reading and praying but I always sensed that I was missing something...

During the years that followed we moved to Texas where we found it hard to settle into any church...moving from rural UK to Houston was mind blowing.

In short in all this time I do not believe I really thought about the nature and character of God too much beyond what was presented to me on a plate. I took that plate and ate what was there, attributing any bitter taste or hard to swallow portions to my own lack of obedience and shortcomings. Most people I spoke to endorsed this thinking. I saw only one view of the atonement  (penal substitution,) only one way to understand Gods purposes, and all other religions were quite simply wrong! I also struggled with what I discerned as my call to lead and preach against a backdrop of teaching that had no place for women's ministry unless it was confined to women's groups or children's work. My participation in Evangelism was sharply criticised by those who felt my place was in arranging flowers or baking cakes.

Things began to change as I began to study for the SCE and also as I was invited to be a part of the Journey Into Wholeness project.

As I read I gained a wider view of God, I came to know a God who brought me out into a spacious place (Ps.18:19). A place where I knew that no matter how I tried I would not be able to discover the true fullness of God, for I am too small

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

EPH 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Does Paul pray that we should be able to know all of this or simply to know the vastness of it?

I began to read afresh the encounters of Jesus with ordinary people, setting them free from the religious yoke of the Pharisees and inviting them to take his yoke...The Message brings this to light in an extraordinary way

Matthew 11:28-30 (MsgB) 
    "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. [29] Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. [30] Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

In learning to preach the gospel I had learnt presentations such as the Four Spiritual Laws, and although still useful I believe that they produce only a reduced view of God, and if we become confined within patterns like this our faith will be likewise reduced.

Journey Into Wholeness made me think not only about language but also about  the mystery and otherness of the God I worship, I shifted from an acknowledgement of the Trinity with an emphasis on Jesus, to embracing the Trinity in what I hope is a more holistic way. The challenge to ascribe female characteristics to God, calling God She, on occasion was also presented to me as I worked through the task of producing literature for the New Age community....I became convinced then that God is truly other, and that we in male and female form are made in the image of one who transcends us all... This is a mystery, there are many mysteries surrounding God that we will not fathom.

Again as I studied my views on the Bible changed, I had come on a journey from a place where questioning the word was unquestionable and wrong, to one where it was OK, a place where looking  context, and considering who the Book/ passage was written for were important if not essential. I do agree that the Bible is the revealed word of God, a Book that reveals who he is and rather like an Icon, gives us windows on to the divine. Having said that I also believe we need to consider its many authors and how their words speak into our culture today.

I have learn ed the joys of meditation and centring prayer, finding that there is a wealth of tradition to be drawn upon.  This is reflected in my writing and preaching, as well as in my everyday life, where issues such as the environment play a more prominent role in my discipleship than before. I have come to appreciated the rhythm and seasons of the liturgical church and gained a richness that my faith lacked before hand.

As far as other religions and spirituality's go I have found there to be more light in these than I would have liked to acknowledge, and I believe that dialogue is in many cases more useful than preached apologetics. Although apologetics can never be dismissed as unhelpful... I would like to embrace the hopeful universalism of Karl Barth, but am not sure that I can...

In short

I believe in God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit

I believe in the Virgin Birth

I believe in the death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I believe that by his life and teaching Jesus showed us a new way to be human, in his death he took upon himself the brokenness of the whole world, and in his Resurrection to use the words of C.S. Lewis death started working backwards.

I believe the Bible is the revealed word of God but will reserve my opinion on inerrancy and infallibility.

I believe that Gods love for his creation,this world, its people and animals is greater than anything we can imagine

I am on a journey of discovery, and have discovered it is OK to question and OK to doubt. I believe that God has set his boundary lines in pleasant places and that I have a delightful inheritance

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;surely I have a delightful inheritance.Ps16:9

As for the comment I made about being a Post Evangelical, I will let Dave Tomlinson speak for himself:

Several people have suggested to me that saying post-evangelical is just a fashionable way of saying ex-evangelical, but this is not necessarily the case, properly used the word post means something quite different from ex. "Post" which means after has connotations of following on from, whereas ex implies ceasing to be. To be post-evangelical is to take as given many of the assumptions of the Evangelical faith, while at the same time moving beyond its perceived limitations.

....one of the strands of postmodern culture is a longing for spirituality which had been squeezed out by materialism and rationalism. In his excellent book "What is the New Age saying to the church" John Drane has shown why this hunger has been largely directed into the New Age movement rather than into the church. The post evangelical impetus however is to search for this fresh sense of spirituality in the symbolic and contemplative traditions of the church rather than in the New Age Movement........Post evangelicals also have a heartening appetite for theology. They not only want to feel the surging of a fresh spirituality, they want to understand their faith, yet the influence of their culture turns them away from  the certainty and absoluteness of much evangelical theology.

It is this journey I find myself on!

Resurrection faith

I believe in the Resurrection of Christ as an invitation to live with holy zeal, not as an escape from death.

I believe in the Resurrection of Christ as an invitation to embrace the mystery of life, not as an escape from the need to wrestle with faith.

I believe in the Resurrection of Christ as an invitation to live the incarnational life-to allow God to live in and through us-not as a rejection of the earthly body.

I believe in the Resurrection of Christ as a symbol of God's perpetual creativity, as a proclamation of the mystery at the centre of our existence.

Most of all I believe in the Resurrection of Christ as the infusion of divine energy that always brings forth a new beginning.

Resurrection says that there are always new opportunities, always second chances.--Dave Tomlinson-Running Into God.

Amen!!!

On having a big soul..

In running into God today Dave Tomlinson looks at John 12 1-8, the account of Mary annointng Jesus feet.

He looks at Judas reaction, and the awkardness of the others present at the meal, masked by concern for the poor and that conventional social customs have been swept aside, quoting Mary Gordons novel Final Payments

I understand. What Christ was saying, what he meant was that the pleasure of that hair, that ointment, must be taken. Because the accidents of death would depriv us soon enough. We must not deprive ourselves, our loved ones, of the luxury of extravagant affectins. We must not second-guess death by refusing to love the ones we loved in favour of the anonymous poor.

Not that we should neglect the poor this is not an either or choice!

He looks at what a sensual and generous gesture this was, and asks how well we recieve blessing...

Perhaps our real unease with the story comes from our awkardness in asking, giving or recieving blessings, to each other at all. Expressions of love, no where near as extravagant as Marys, are too vulnerable, too revealing of desire or love.

How interesting that Jesus accepted her gesture and allowed himself to savour the momment, how often do we recognise that Jesus enjoys our company, our expressions of love and if only we dared our extravagance towards him...how often do we hold back from asking for something we would really desire because we feel we are not worth it, or worse that we see God as a stern character who does not take delight in us...

Two things stood out for me today, one was how large hearted Jesus was in accepting this gesture, and second how open Mary was in her desire to love Jesus...

Lord grant me such openness of heart I pray. Amen

Feeling God

P salm. 27  ,     Luke 13 31-35

How do you feel about God?  Still working my way through Dave Tomlinsons book  Running into God, this devotion intrigues me; we may be able to say and know in our heads many things about God's love and mercy and grace, but how do you feel about God?

Does he approve/ disapprove of you?

Are you concious of being special and chosen or do you feel worthless a bit of an imposter at a party which is somehow celebrating others and not you?

Do you see a stern task master or a loving Father?

I have to admit that often what I say and how I feel are two different things, I find it hard to be loved by God, hard to accept Jesus words of affirmation and mercy, hard to accept his sacrifice was also for me....and yet this is what I preach...

In the passage of Luke we see Jesus looking over Jerusalem and speaking some astonishing words, having been warned that Herod is after him he uses a picture of himself as the mother hen wishing to gather her chicks under her wings, a place of saftey and comfort... He calls Herod a fox, Jesus is it seems aware of his own human vulnerability, yet even so wishes to gather his people to comfort and protect them in the face of the enemy.

In the face of a fox the mother hen would surely loose her life giving everything...

How do you feel about God?

Can you say with the psalmist

Psalm 27:4-6 (MsgB) 
        I'm asking God for one thing,
            only one thing:
        To live with him in his house
            my whole life long.
        I'll contemplate his beauty;
            I'll study at his feet.
        [5] That's the only quiet, secure place
            in a noisy world,
        The perfect getaway,
            far from the buzz of traffic.
        [6] God holds me head and shoulders
            above all who try to pull me down.
        I'm headed for his place to offer anthems
            that will raise the roof!
        Already I'm singing God-songs;
            I'm making music to God.   ?

Do you have the confidence to see a God who when you get otu of your depth holds you head and shoulders above all who would hold you down...a father giving you a piggy back so that you are lifted above the crowds?

Stargazers, angels and outcasts

Matthew 1:20-2:6
    While he was trying to figure a way out, he had a dream. God's angel spoke in the dream: "Joseph, son of David, don't hesitate to get married. Mary's pregnancy is Spirit-conceived. God's Holy Spirit has made her pregnant. [21] She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—'God saves'—because he will save his people from their sins." [22] This would bring the prophet's embryonic sermon to full term:

        [23] Watch for this—a virgin will get pregnant and bear a son;
        They will name him Emmanuel (Hebrew for "God is with us").

    [24] Then Joseph woke up. He did exactly what God's angel commanded in the dream: He married Mary. [25] But he did not consummate the marriage until she had the baby. He named the baby Jesus.
    [2:1] After Jesus was born in Bethlehem village, Judah territory—this was during Herod's kingship—a band of scholars arrived in Jerusalem from the East. [2] They asked around, "Where can we find and pay homage to the newborn King of the Jews? We observed a star in the eastern sky that signaled his birth. We're on pilgrimage to worship him."
    [3] When word of their inquiry got to Herod, he was terrified—and not Herod alone, but most of Jerusalem as well. [4] Herod lost no time. He gathered all the high priests and religion scholars in the city together and asked, "Where is the Messiah supposed to be born?"
    [5] They told him, "Bethlehem, Judah territory. The prophet Micah wrote it plainly:

        [6] It's you, Bethlehem, in Judah's land,
            no longer bringing up the rear.
        From you will come the leader
            who will shepherd-rule my people, my Israel."

OK so I realise that Christmas is over and that we are approaching Lent, but I am preparing a mornings teaching for a group of people interested in working amongst the New Age Community, and engaging with them in a meaningful way and I am drawn back to the ways that God announced his incarnation ...

Astrology and angels are sought out by many people today to make sense of  life, and they are comming across Jesus, many folk I speak to in New Age Fairs have had experiences of angels leading them to encounter the ressurected Christ. One man I spoke to had been astral travelling, every bone in my evangelical conscience screamed out to tell him that this was not a good thing to do, but the Holy Spirits hand was on me and I kept quiet and listened as he told me how the next time he encountered Jesus his mind was made up..he would give himself to this wonderful man whose wisdom had been leading him to want to know more...

What could I dobut affirm his decision and pray for him...this he gladly accepted.

Dave Tomlinson reflects on this in his book, Running Into God...

The magi weren't just star gazers, they were adventurers. Their vision was not limited to what they already knew. Here were people who were prepared to leave their familiar surroundings, prepared to explore beyond their box, prepared to recognise God in other forms. How fantastic that the early Christians could incorporate such a generous story in their account of Christs birth, a story of people journeying to God, not through Scripture, or through the voice of the prophets, or church tradition, but through the guidance of the stars interpreted by pagan wisdom.....

....But sadly instead of making these conncetions, all too often the church is caught up with its own navel gazing issues-more concerned with an agenda for its own survival than with the agenda of God's kingdom in the world. Bear in mind that the church was a by product of the kingdom of God not the other way round. All too frequently I see the church dismissing the gifts of the magi in todays world-busily excluding those people whom God is including.

Challenging words, that may be hard to swallow, it is easy to take stands against things and hard sometimes to discern where God is at work. Easy to exclude genuine seekers with petty rules and hard to be generous and open, but God is bigger than our small boxes and He challenges us  to grasp the full reality of that!!!

In celebration of ordinary days

I've just started using Dave Tomlinsons book of reflections Running into God, he is celebrating Ordinary Time, and the days that are ordinary days, days where we simply live out our faith, where there is reality in the ordinariness of life and that makes it extraordinary...

T.V, commercials and the constant pressure of life seems to propell us from one holiday to the next, we are always looking forward to something...with our eyes always on the future do we miss out on the ordinary? I think we do how often do we stop to appreciate the ordinary things in life like maknig soup and spring flowers.

I had a day off today and really enjoyed making dinner for the family spending time with them and doing nothing much. Tim and I went for a walk and enjoyed the fresh air, watched the local soccer match for a bit and then walked on, it wasn't sunny but neither was it cold, just good to be out...

Our lives are lived 95% in ordinary days doind ordinary things, Jesus it seems had time to watch flowers growing, bread being made and simple everyday things that he used to illustrate his stories, he enjoyed meals and friends...

I have lived too much of my life in a rush striving for the next thing and missed out on too much, I'll try to take note of the flowers of the fields, and not to strive...too much anyway!!!