I have just returned to work after being signed off with stress related depression, I am taking things slowly and am asking not to be overwhelmed with needs and issues as I take one step at a time. One thing though, please stop asking me if I am better, I am not better, I am taking medication to help to sort out the mixed up chemicals in my brain, the broken pathways and muddled responses that were and are the result of stress. This will be an ongoing issue for me, and no I am not better, and I am not functioning at my best but I am getting out of bed in the morning.
I am getting out of bed and praying, I am holding onto the God who walks with me through this shadowed valley, who waits patiently for me and reminds me again and again that I am loved. I am reminded that I do not have to be on top form, firing on all cylinders, bright and shiny and full of energy to be loved. I don't have to pretend to be strong to be accepted and welcomed, in fact I am learning in a new way that in my weakness s/he is my strength.
So no I am not better, thank you for asking, and while I know that you want me to say yes I would be lying if I did say that. Just one thing, don't ask me again tomorrow hoping for a different answer! You see for me and thousands of people like me who live with depression the answer will be no I am not better, but I do have the strength today to get up and show up. Being asked over and over if you are better adds a pressure to recovery, I know it is well meaning but when you are battling guilt, doubt and despair on a daily basis it sort of makes it worse. I am not better, I am me and while today might be a good day tomorrow might not be.
I am not looking for overbaked sympathy, simply the understanding that I am taking one step at a time...
All will be well
Photo mine
