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release at last,
beholding the promise
with his eyes,
and holding him in his arms
he knew release,
nothing could hold him now,
nothing bound him,
light once dimmed
burned brightly again,
as his heart sang
and danced afresh to the
heartbeat of heavens hope,
for hope had come,
hope has come
the light of the world
shines for all...
Over the last few days I have been revisiting prayers/poems I prayed and wrote in July 2012, at the time I thought I knew what I needed, and I certainly knew what I hoped and longed for. Life being life and messy humanity being messy humanity the things I hoped and longed for have not come to pass, in fact in many ways the opposite has come to pass...BUT I know that God is with me, and I know that these prayers were not empty ...
How then do we respond when our hopes and dreams are dashed?
How do we pray when the answer seems to have been no?
As I reflect upon this I can only respond by daring to go deeper, deeper into seeking God for his way, for the no may not have been his no, it was simply life being life and messy humanity being messy and I am part of the mess. So over the last months I have at times been tussling with God, I have asked lots of questions and shouted some, I have wept, yelled and thrown rocks into the sea, and I have been and am being held by the God who loves me beyond my imagining...
There are no easy answers sometimes, we fall and fail and make a mess of our lives more often than we'd like to let on, but God can bring beauty and order from our chaos, s/he can bring light in the darkness, the question is dare we let go of our dreams and allow God to dream a new dream in and through us. This is where I find myself, I need to let go, not because my former dreams were bad, but simply because I am not there any more, I have no idea what the future holds even though I thought I did...
God is more than able to bring life from death, the cross and the resurrection of Jesus show us that powerfully, and though at times they seem impossible that very impossibility somehow awakens hope. I wonder sometimes at the madness of faith, but if I didn't I guess it would not be faith at all...
in our needs
may we find you,
in our longings and hopes
echoes of you,
in our desires
may your goodness abound,
and when we strive,
and when we struggle,
and when we choose
darkness over light,
when we fall and fail,
may we find you once more,
and come to know
that you have never left us,
your longing is for us,
your hope within us,
your love
all around us,
only help us
to find you...
Woman at the Well by Koeder
under the cold earth
life waits,
waits, longing
for the earth to turn,
for spring sunshine
and gentler rains,
every fibre of her being
waits, attentive to
the rhythms of the seasons,
the pulsing of the universe,
her own heart
is tuned
waiting, waiting,
waiting for the perfect time,
for the calling
of life to life,
but now,
under the cold earth
life waits,
waits and longs
for her release...
He walked towards me,
Known and yet unknown.
My cousin,
though I'd seen him before
today
I SAW him,
he approached
and veil was lifted,
scales fell
From my eyes, and
I saw him,
Truly SAW him.
As if for the first time.
.
He looked me in the eye
a half smile upon his face,
as I stuttered and stumbled,
Searching for words.
Finally I gasped out
No Lord, it is you
You should baptise me.
He would have none of it.
so placing his hand into mine we
Walked into the water.
I baptised him then,
.
And in that moment heaven and earth
were joined in rejoicing,
Gods’ voice filled the heavens,
sunlight streamed down as if for him alone.
He smiled,
And turned and was gone.
This moment was the moment
I was born for.
I could not hold it,
Could not keep it,
Could not let it go...
In many ways this post is picking up some issues from the previous one. I have just returned from an evening with our lovely community, we shared in food and worship, welcomed 82 people among us, given out 50 food bags and 5 homeless kits ( these include sleeping bags, survival bags waterproof trousers and poncho a balaclava some basic washing materials and high energy foods). We have prayed together and ended the evening with a moving communion service. Sadly because we are already stretched to capacity and because we are unable to offer further shelter we had to send people out into the rain. It breaks our hearts as do many of the stories we hear.
We are always so grateful for gifts towards our work and we find many, many generous givers, we can tell of folk who post us Pot Noodles via Amazon! Of folk who drive over 100 mile round trip to bring sleeping bags and survival bags, sweat shirts and gloves to us. We are grateful for warm jumpers and waterproof coats, for gift vouchers and so much more! God really does provide for our needs and when we reach the end of ourselves and think we have nothing left somehow there is always more...
We are grateful don't get me wrong, but just now and then we are frustrated, this evening we opened a bag of food hoping to find things we could give out to discover half a jar of honey, an opened packet of flour, some mustard, an out of date pot of lemon curd and two part used tubs of curry powder. Sometimes we open bags of clothes to find paint covered and ripped jeans, worn out jumpers and weird things like stained ball gowns. We do not need these things, they take up space and time and leave us wondering why they have been given.
Well they would leave us wondering if we did not know that for some folk the attitude is that "they" should be grateful for anything "they get". I want to ask how useful half a jar of honey and a pair of ripped jeans is to someone sleeping on the street, or someone struggling to stay warm and fed in a leaky bed sit... I want to know how anyone can think that another human being is of so little worth that they should be grateful for things like this, useless things, for what use is curry powder when you have nothing to make curry with?
I am reminded of Jesus words challenging folk to find him, to see God's image in all, and reminding us that when we fail to do that we fail him;
‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.’ (Matthew 25:45)
So I come back to the point I was making in my last post, all are worthy, and while we may struggle with the justice of that because yes there are those who take advantage surely it is better to to take the risk and to treat all with compassion. We are not doormats, we do challenge folk if we think we are being taken for a ride. But all are worth more than ripped jeans and half used curry powder! When we give surely it is better to give whatever we can with a spirit of generosity, and if we can't do that then maybe we should not give at all...
Dear Church,
it has been a while since I have written to you like this but over the last few days a question I have been asked more than once is burning a hole in my heart and mind. The question was asked on three occasions quite unselfconsciously but it raises questions of its own. The question was simple; "are they worthy?"
It may have been simple but the question hit me like a well aimed bullet and made my heart bleed not only for those the question was aimed at but also and perhaps more for the questioner. Let me explain, the question was asked about the lovely folk who access a twice weekly drop in, receiving food and clothes, companionship and an opportunity for prayer and worship. Basically they are coming to church and hearing the gospel in deed and word.
This is where things start to unravel for me because I truly believe that the word "they" which seperates us from them has no place in the Christian vocabulary, so when we ask are they worthy we are asking are we worthy. The answer to that is both no and yes...
Being middle class does not make us worthy, knowing the hymns and being able to read the worship book does not make us worthy, nor does a well ordered life or a decent savings account, smart clothes or impeccable manners, in fact when all of those things bolster our sense of self righteousness and worth they become a stumbling block to understanding our true worth in Christ before God....
You might want to read that again;
"Being middle class does not make us worthy, knowing the hymns and being able to read the worship book does not make us worthy, nor does a well ordered life or a decent savings account, smart clothes or impeccable manners, in fact when all of those things bolster our sense of self righteousness and worth they become a stumbling block to understanding our true worth in Christ before God...."
Perhaps we need to visit the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and ask ourselves again if it is appropriate to ask such questions as "are they worthy?" For if nothing else this parable shows us that God responds to the plea and cry for mercy, in the honest acknowledgement of our unworthiness he calls us worthy, washes us clean, heals us and lifts us from our knees.
To define people as "they" or "other" is to separate ourselves from humanity, and while we are called to use discernment we are not called to be the ultimate judge. There is risk in all relationships, and true relationships call us to remove them them and us barriers we like to erect and to receive all as us. Here is the truth, we will let one another down, we will fall and fail and upset one another, some will stay and others will leave, human community, human family is like that, but by the grace of God we can and will grow together if we dare to drop our masks and become the people that God is calling us to be finding our worth in him.
All of us are on a journey, none of us has reached perfection, poverty is not a sin it is a sad condition of living in an unjust world, pride on the other hand is quite different and is something we need to take note of and repent of ( not grovelling in sack cloth and ashes but in simply turning to God and asking him to heal us from it).
While I am addressing a specific situation I think this applies to church in general, and to any group that sees themselves as set apart by a worthiness of their own. For while God does set us apart he does so that we might be salt and light in this world, bring out his flavours and colours, opening the doors and welcoming people into his company, seeking to include rather than to exclude.
The only way we can truly do this is by understanding our own true worth. We are loved not because of what we have and how we behave but because we are children of God, frail, flawed, and vulnerable, gifted, talented and chosen, precious and honoured in his sight. We can do nothing to earn his love we are simply loved, and we are not loved more because we grow closer to him, we might simply be more aware of it, and that love should compel us to seek to restore everyone into a right relationship with God.
The cross opens the way for us to enter into the resurrection life of the Body of Christ ( the church), the price has been paid, we cannot and do not have to pay it and the mystery is that the life of Jesus is poured into our lives strengthening us and equipping us for his work of reconciling all ( including ourselves) to God.
So when we are tempted to ask are "they" worthy? Perhaps we should remember the question reveals a barrier in our hearts towards those who are deeply loved by God.
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