I am trying to be gentle with myself today, as I do so I am pondering the 23rd Psalm, and it brings comfort in a dark place, for in many ways depression is leading me through the shadowed valley of dying to self, and of allowing myself to be led. As I walk here I am aware of the inner enemy voices, voices telling me that it is not OK to be depressed, that it is unacceptable to be struggling, that I should not have slept so long or so late. Thankfully I am also aware of the one who walks quietly with me, the one who knows that to get out of bed was triumph, to remember to eat is a victory, and that although prayer is mostly wordless that simply showing up and being open to the gentle ministry of the recreative Spirit is enough.
As I ponder this I realise that I so easily beat myself up and in doing so I rebuff the arms of grace that are offering to carry me at this time. I tell myself that I should be strong, and forget that he comes to be the strength in my weakness, and more than that, that he understands what it is like to feel helpless and hopeless. So today I am going to give myself to those arms of grace, to the one who has called me and has not given up on me, and I am going to let him carry me, for I need a grace and a strength that are beyond myself, I need a healing touch, and I need his Spirit to bring me rest.
I receive his word brought to me by a praying friend;
So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41. 10
