I am pondering the ascension on Ascension Day, pondering and wondering, trying to put myself into the shoes of the gathered disciples as they watched in amazement as Jesus disappeared . What a roller coaster ride they have had, not only in the last few weeks as they perhaps traveled with their friend from the triumphal entry into Jerusalem through the horrors of the crucifixion to the resurrection, but also before that as they responded to his call and teaching in different ways. The call of Jesus turned their lives upside down right from the beginning of their ministry, I am thinking of the fishermen who left their nets, of Matthew the tax collector who left his table, of women who followed and cooked and supplied for their needs...
Yes Jesus drew them and stirred something in them that gave them the strength and courage to leave their day to day lives, yes they saw amazing things, healing and miracles, but surely even these things were unsettling, just think of Peter's reaction to that first miraculous catch of fish:
"Get away from me Lord, I am a sinful man..."
Their minds, and emotions must have been in overdrive, joy, sorrow, comprehension, confusion, questions, answers and half answers and more questions, horror, relief, terror, turmoil and hope, the list goes on, and it gives me hope. I think we all have times of turmoil and change in our lives, times where an array of thoughts, feelings, emotions and questions are stirred up, times when we feel like our world is being turned over and wonder what is coming next. Those times can be in our personal lives or corporately in some way, and I guess I am thinking here mostly of churches who are asking questions of their future. That said I am also reflecting on a time of huge change in my personal life that has left me wondering what on earth is going on.
So why is the account of the Ascension helping me, and how on earth can an account of Jesus disappearing be good news? Of course I have the advantage that I know what comes next, but right now I am trying to put that aside and to ascend the mountain with the disciples, I am trying to hear Jesus teaching, to experience with them the opening of my mind to fresh understandings of how God works and how he has spoken even through the mess and muddle of psalms and prophets, and met them even in their struggle and failure to obey the law in Jesus the fulfillment of all their hopes. Now he is going, but he does not leave them without hope, he is promising them his gift, promised from the Father, all they have to do is wait, and with that he led them out, blessed them and ascended into heaven....
I wonder what their thoughts were as they returned, I wonder if they felt unsure, nervous, battered and bruised, held only by the spark of hope ignited by the promise and the blessing. I suspect they did, I almost hope that they did for if that is how they felt and were they give me hope, and I believe that their story brings hope to the church today, and perhaps that hope lies deepest in the one thing they were told to do; "wait and pray".
What happens when we wait and pray, what happens when we decide to seek God through our pain and helplessness, in the midst of our muddle and confusion?
"...those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40. vs. 31
Those who wait on the Lord renew their strength, and find that their strength is not in themselves but in God. I have recently challenged two churches to stop and to wait, to allow God to renew their strength, to wait on God for his gift, for the one thing from which fresh growth will begin, and while we know that God is with us, that the Holy Spirit is in and around us, there are times when what we need is not the latest idea but God himself to renew us. In fact I'd say that we always need God to renew us, but maybe particularly in times of change when we know that something new is coming and we are caught between what was and what will be, in the liminal space where the ground seems to shift beneath our feet making us unsteady. Into this space God comes to renew us, and the waiting time becomes for us a cocoon from which we will emerge changed, like a butterfly where once a caterpillar had been.
So today I am grateful for the gift of Ascension Day, it has spoken to me differently this year, and I find myself wanting to embrace the waiting time, to feel the spark within me fanned into flame, to be made ready for the new thing, strengthened in my walk of faith.
