I have really been challenged by this post from Winn Collier, he challenges us to be real, to dare to be in touch with our deepest desires, and believes that by doing so we might just find ourselves a little closer to God. He tells the story of Bartimeaus, and the simple question that Jesus asks; "what do you want?" Bartimeaus cried out for mercy, he wanted and received his sight.
Collier says;
"Whenever I ask someone Jesus’ question: what do you want?, I often receive an anticipated litany that you’d find in any respectable Sunday School curriculum. The answers are fine, but they often possess all the verve of a dead fish. I want the real stuff, what makes the heart race and the energy peak and the sorrow sit heavy as lead.
Often, it would be more truthful if we said: I really want my wife to enjoy sex with me again or I want to stop puking in the toilet or I want money so I can fly the family to Italy for the summer or I want the voices to stop. These would all be closer to the truth. If it’s true that what we really want is to land on the Times bestseller list or to be kissed like mad, why don’t we say so?
Whenever we are able to locate that first layer of our wants and desires (no matter how healthy, noble or immature they might be), we’re scratching at the truth – and then we’ve got something to work with. If we follow that longing deeper and deeper, eventually we’ll find something more potent, something more profoundly true. I’m convinced we’ll find something that is very near to God."
He is right, we often hide our real desires behind a mask of what we believe are acceptable answers, and we may well be so hidden from what we want that it takes us a while to unearth it, and when we do we might be shocked by the raw honesty and power of it.
I love the scene in the film Bruce Almighty where Carey's character is asked by God to pray, he begins by asking for things like world peace and the hungry to be fed then turns to Morgan Freeman who is cast as God and says "How was that! The answer surprises him; "Fine if you wanty to be Miss America" now what do you really want? The answer comes with raw honesty as he opens his heart before God and prays for his girlfriend Grace. The response from God; "Now that's a prayer!"
As we walk through the desert experience of Lent Jesus question might take on a new force, as we face our brokeness we might do well to ponder what we might want our wholeness might look like. Dare we dream, dare we ask for what we desire? Do we dare to sense deep in our heart that what we desire is God's best for us? What if there still seems a brokenness, dare we carry on shifting rubble until we find a place of peace, an in-tunness with God, a place where the Spirit resonates with our spirit and we know beyond a doubt that we are asking for the right thing.
Blind Bartimeaus asked to see, maybe this Lent that would be the greatest gift that we could ask for. Lord have mercy, help to to sift through this rubble, help me to see what I really want!
“I Have Never Been In A Natural Place And Felt That It Was A Waste Of Time. I Never Have. And It’s A Relief. If I’m Walking Around A Desert Or Whatever, Every Second Is Worthwhile.”
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