Eternal Echoes

still i bleed....

judgements,

fears,

emotions, rejections

crowding in,

pressing in,

surrounding my

intentions,

to reach out,

to be whole,

and all the time

i bleed...

loosing hope,

loosing strength,

loosing life,

and yet

love draws me on,

draws me

from the shadows,

the tears,

the heartache,

the failings

of my past,

love draws me on,

on to healing

and offers me a strength

that's not my own,

 a boldness

to push through,

but still i bleed,

still i reach

out

to touch,

wondering how

you will

receive me,

for still i bleed...

 

grace...

Grace comes,

softly unfolding

before us

as a river

finding its' course.

+

though grace

flows softly

and

gently

upon the landscape

of our souls

she will not be stopped..

+

Grace will find

a way

to deal with

our hardness and

meanness of

heart.

+
She will break through,

surprising us with

her power,

moving our

inner obstacles,

traversing our

personal deserts.

And we will

find ourselves

deepened

as we make room

for her,

changed

as we yield to her touch.

+

For grace will not

let us be

as we were,

but will find

a course, and

have her way

with our hearts.

+

Grace comes,

God's gift,

re-moulding

our hearts,

our minds,

our lives..

+

Grace

will win

my

heart

+
+
+ 

Dear Church, ( a letter of longing and searching for hope)

Dear Church,

I have a few things on my mind, and I just wanted to talk to you about them; I am very busy at the moment, busy with a mix of things as I am sure you are. Life brings us many challenges, some of those I am facing at the moment are helping people through issues of life and death, of children born with health issues, of people dying from incurable cancer, and in the middle of all of this sits the ordinariness of our days. Somehow through all of this together we try to make sense of faith, finding the sacred in the ordinary and relating to the God who calls us and reveals his love for us in the difficult and in the humdrum days of life as well as in the joys and celebrations.

As we seek together we will find the God who promises to walk with us, to hem us in and to hedge us around with his protection, who comes to us with challenges to see the other as he sees them, who longs fopr us to walk humbly with him showing and sharing his love through acts of mercy, kindness, and grace. We find the God who chooese to work with us, placing his treasure into the ordinary clay pots of our lives, and displaying his glory in and through us. In Christ he shows us his compassion, always crossing boundraries and stretching the "religious" ones beyond their comfort zones, touching the unclean and the unwanted healing them and calling them worthy in a time when the establishment dismissed them as beyond hope.

This God of grace and mercy is the God I have come to know and worship, the God who called me out of my own struggles with unworthiness and hopelessness, the God who did not demand that I obeyed his rules but rather set me free to become my true self in the light of his aceptance and love. I am of course still a work in progress, we all are, and at times we struggle and stumble in our attempts to live a life of love and freedom before him. 

I firmly believe that we are called into a life of freedom in Christ, not a boundary-less life where anything goes, but often, so often a life where the things that are important to God are perhaps not what we once thought. I remember clearly how as a teenager I tried to live up to an impossible version of what I thought God wanted, and when I failed I felt I had to hide it all, I was soon living a double life of performance and regret.

I guess that is why I get very cross when we start to focus on "getting it right" not in our attention to love and mercy, not in serving one another or the poor and disposessed, but in matters such as what we should wear and how we should celebrate communion. Yes I know tradition plays a part in our life of faith, and yes I agree that order- good order reflects a life well lived before God and that we should prayerfully strive for that together, but I struggle to understand why we make somethings so complicated for ourselves and others.

Take communion for example, I've written about it before, and I'll share that post again
here, I have my own preferences, but will not and cannot insist upon them (denominational discipline states otherwise). But I am saddened to find that the most long running thread in an online community I am a part of   is currently a debate about whether God minds cranberry juice being used for communion! I've had my say, and now I've given up the debate for we are travelling in circles within it. But I am left pondering the issue...

What do we do when we break bread and share "wine" at communion, does it matter that the bread is leavened or unleavened brown, white, or even crackers? Does it matter if the wine is alcoholic/ grape juice or even cranberry juice? If we nit-pick over such things how do we appear to the world around us, how are we proclaiming/ sharing and communicating the good news through such debates? I am not saying we should adopt a laisser faire attitude, but that should place Christ at the centre of our celebration, telling his story, allowing it to impact our story and history, desiring to meet God there through the Holy Spirit in this intimate sacred space, a space where transformation and deeper conversion are possible. For me the elements facilitate the story and aid the remembrance, the physicality of them allows us to meet God who places himself into our hands in a holy and precious way, and yes I know that holiness is about being set apart, but dare I say it is the setting apart that makes the elements holy be they bread and wine or crackers and cranberry. I guess what I am saying is that I don't want to miss holiness for the sake of nit-picking- straining gnats, we need to take care we don't fal into the category of those Jesus had some strong words for:

^23-24"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God's Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment—the absolute basics!—you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that's wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

 ^25-26"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.

 ^27-28"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You're like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin you're total frauds. (Matthew 23)

Are we hopeless? I hope not, I hope that we are full of hope and that others can see and desire that hope for the hope is from God; the promise of a better way, a new and fulfilled life. Do the people around us need us to be using the right elements, or do they simply need us to share the story through acts of mercy and gracious proclomation?

I think I'll stop now, before I get too carried away. I'll just leave you with this thought, from Jesus again:

¹³"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

 ^14-16"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colours in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. (Matthew 5)

 

Let's be more concerned about being salt and light than getting "it right" I am sure that would be much more pleasing to God!

 

flow

flowing,

issuing,

power,

and blood,

life given

for life taken,

life sought

and life restored,

in a moment

a touch,

power flowed

and the flow

stopped,

grace

touched faith’s

trembling hand,

called her

forth

and made her

whole…

+

Image; Kneeling by Tim

through the crowded streets 2

pushing through the

crowded streets,

I sought him,

the need was great,

 life ebbing away,

seeking and searching,

rejecting the voices of doubt

I sought him,

with death’s terror beating

in my heart, 

filling my mind

I sought him

pressing on, urgently,

 no-one else would do,

none were able,

I sought him,

knowing his touch

upon her fevered brow

would be enough,

I sought him,

I sought him and

he responded to my prayer,

others voiced hopelessness,

he called me, and pushing

beyond my wildest dreams

I sought him,

and he sought me,

through the crowds

he came,

and life was

restored to my house

again...

+

pushing through the crowded streets

I seek him

 

through the crowded streets....

pushing through the

crowded streets

past fears, emotions

and terrors of the night,

I sought him

rejecting the voices

of judgement

and reproach, of ill will

and despair,

I sought him

knowing my need,

my weaknesses,

my vulnerabilities laid bare,

I sought him

pressing on, urgently

for no-one else would do,

none were able

I sought him

just to touch him,

would be enough

I sought him,

I sought him, and

he responded to my prayer,

I was whole again,

he called me

and I came

falling to my knees

in awe and trembling

I sought him

and he sought me,

through the crowds

blessed me

and set me free…

+

pushing through the

crowded streets,

I seek him...

+

 

 

Be still; Sermon blogging (Mark 4 35-41)

Swamped, pressed in, overwhelmed, in danger of being crushed, terrified, exhausted, threatened… What a list of words, in one short passage, describing not only the state of the disciples, but the state of Jesus himself. All day he has been teaching about the kingdom of God, much of that from the boat because the crowds who were so needy pressed in so hard upon him that he was in danger of being crushed…..

Swamped, pressed in, overwhelmed, in danger of being crushed, terrified, exhausted, threatened…

I wonder if that list of words has ever applied to your life circumstances, if a situation or a series of situations has left you feeling powerless and out of control, almost as if you are in a boat on a stormy sea pitched and tossed about by circumstance after circumstance…

I wonder if life sometimes feels quite simply like a test of endurance, you’ve got to stick your head down and get through it, and quite often you do, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day…

Of course there are times, and we all have them when life is absolutely the opposite, the days seem calm and almost idyllic, the waves on the sea of life are gentle, the breeze is cooling and pleasant, providing us with good memories to hang onto, memories that bring hope when the sea is rough….

But when the sea is rough it is not always easy to remember….

Come with me to the Sea of Galilee, and hear Jesus teach, the parable of the sower, where we find ourselves longing to be the good soil so that the word of God can take root in our lives, drawing from us depths and richness that produce a bountiful harvest….

Then more; stories that challenge, disarm, and undo us….

"Does anyone bring a lamp home and put it under a basin or beneath the bed? Don't you put it up on a table or on the mantel? We're not keeping secrets, we're telling them; we're not hiding things, we're bringing them out into the open.”

Do we really want the things in our lives brought out in the open?

 ²³"Are you listening to this? he asks us; Really listening?

 ^24-25"Listen carefully to what I am saying—and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes."

Be generous with your life….

 

But Lord I am hard pressed!

 

Be wary of shrewd seeming advice……

 

But Lord how will I survive?

 

There are times when the questions simply pile in:

 

How will I survive, how can I survive on this stormy sea where the wind and waves are so overwhelming?

How can I survive when life’s circumstances have so depleted my resources that I have nothing left to give, no strength, nothing?

 

“How can I describe the Kingdom of God?  says Jesus, What story should I use to illustrate it? ³¹ It is like a mustard seed planted in the ground. It is the smallest of all seeds, ³² but it becomes the largest of all garden plants; it grows long branches, and birds can make nests in its shade.”

As the waves threaten and the wind howls, as memories of calmer times slip by too quickly for you to grasp them search the depths of your heart for that mustard seed of faith, hear his words to you from another time;

 

This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father. (John 15)

 

You are my friends, my friends, I’ve let you in on everything, dig deep, remember...

 

The storm is raging, but there is hope, he is here with you in life’s boat and though it might take every ounce of your strength to call out to him you know you have to do it. Leaving the crowd behind and following Jesus does not guarantee us, as individuals or as a church, a storm-free life, and we, like the disciples, may sometimes find ourselves crying out, "Wake up!  Do you not care?" Even when we make it through the storms, following Jesus may well take us straight into encounters with the worst pain and suffering of the world, the places where Jesus' powerful touch is most needed.

Even when we make it through the storms, following Jesus may well take us straight into encounters with ourselves that unnerve and unsettle us so much that our certainties are overwhelmed and we find ourselves overcome….

Of course we know the end of this story; Jesus wakes and rebukes the wind and the waves, with words of power and peace…

Be still!

Wherever life’s circumstances find you today those are his words for you, in the good times be still, draw strength and sustenance from him, let the roots of your faith plunge deep into the rich soil of faith, receive the warming sun and the life giving rain with joy and gladness, and do not forget who brings them to you. Be still and know, be still and worship, be still and soak in his presence and his love….

Wherever life’s circumstances find you today those are his words for you, when the storm rages be still, search your heart for the faith that clings to the one in whom there is life, and life in all it’s fullness, cry out to him from the depths of your anguish and turmoil, and receive his word. Be still….

Marks Gospel contains many accounts of crossings of the Sea of Galilee, and while the sea represents, chaos and the unknown, the crossings in the presence of Jesus opened the door to a new way of being for the disciples as it does for us. With him their horizons were stretched and boundaries were crossed and recrossed. With him even the most difficult circumstances held hope because he was present to hold, sustain and guide. He calls us too to follow, to allow him to lead us, to know his presence even in the storm. 

He speaks to our souls, be still , he says, for I am with you, be still, I will never forsake you, be still and trust in me….

Be still, you will survive and even thrive in him, for he will never let you go.

 

 

Friday Five; What sustains you?

Over the last year I have found that life has been tough for various reasons, in bits and pieces I might cope with them all, but one after another in a relentless overlapping procession has left me drained and in need of resources that bring life. 

Sometimes even those resources are hard to lay my hands on, but even then if I choose to be mindful the memory of them can be sustaining. I am reminded of the words of Psalm 139:

 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? 
      to be out of your sight? 
   If I climb to the sky, you're there! 
      If I go underground, you're there! 
   If I flew on morning's wings 
      to the far western horizon, 
   You'd find me in a minute— 
      you're already there waiting! 
   Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! 
      At night I'm immersed in the light!" 
   It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; 
      night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

 

1.What brings you light in the dark places? 

OK first off I have to confess that as one prone to depression whose default is to retreat into myself and wallow, the one thing that brings me light in the dark is other people, I need company and hate being alone for long periods. So going out, meeting friends and having somebody to talk to really helps. The problem comes if I do sink into a dark place is that I find it difficult to reach out for what I need, and the vicious cycle begins; the extrovert turns introvert. Not good. 

The photo here is of Tim and me dancing at my daughters wedding last November, a truly happy day, a real light in a dark place! 

 2. How do you connect/reconnect with God, and where do you find him/her holding you?

Usually through time, and prayer, being honest and open, and even throwing things where necessary! See the poem below! But probably mostly through the bread and wine of communion, in the liturgy and the receiving, the breaking and the sharing reminds me that he is there, broken with me, and making me whole.

Is there a prayer/ poem/ liturgy that brings you comfort?

This has brought me great comfort over the last few years: A Psalm of Anger by Nicola Slee:

1. Rage ricochets off the empty cloister walls,
   anger erupts at the altar.
   The silence palls.
   My serene piety falters and crumbles.
   My lips mouth the prayers
   but my heart lurches and stumbles
   on the edge of this gaping pit
   into which my cries have fallen.
   
   I will storm this silence
   not with praise but with venom.
   I will blast this emptiness
   not with patience but with anger.
   My mantra is not "mercy"
   but a cacophony of curses
   hurled headlong at your distance,
   spat in the face of your absence.
   
   Show yourself!
   Answer me!
   
   I am sick of your silence,
   I have had my fill of you hiddenness,
   I am faint with the worry of waiting
   on your word which never comes.
   Have you not seen my pain?
   Have you not heard
   the anguish of my heart?
   How can you stand far off
   and watch me writhing and straining for you
   with my bleary, tear-filled eyes,
   crying for you with my dry and weary throat?
   
   Why do you gloat from afar?
   Will you not come?
   Will you not show yourself?  

   Answer me!

   
   
   

   The Rending by Tim

    

2. 4. Is there a piece of music that lifts your heart?(share it or a link to it)

 

The Bach double with it's intertwining melodies, what more can I say....

2. 5. Is there a place you run to (even in your imagination?

Always to the beach....

as he was... (pondering Mark 4:35-41)

tired, weary,

hard pressed

on every side,

criticised,

examined,

sought after,

and rejected,

physically,

spiritually,

emotionally,

sharing and giving...

+

empty

they took him

as he was

into their boat

to cross

to another shore...

+

 he slept...

+

a storm raged...

+

terrified

they woke him,

and drawing from the very

depths of his

spent-ness

and given-ness

he spoke,

peace

and the storm was stilled...

+

empty

they took him

as he was

into their boat

to cross

to another shore...

+

and awe,

more powerful

than any storm

descended...

+

they took him

as he was...

+ 

Picture; Jesus calms the storm by Daniel Bonnell

rooted.... ( a reflection on life)

cut back,

exposed,

unsure,

re-directed, and

vulnerable,

vulnerable,

yet hopeful

+

cut back,

exposed,

unsure,

learning

to trust,

there will

be fruit,

there will

be life

+

cut back,

exposed,

unsure,

yet there

is hope,

we are

rooted

and grounded

in love

Picture by Tim