I have been dashing around like a crazy person over the last few days, with one colleague on Sabbatical and the shortened week funerals have stacked up and my whole week has been dominated by death. Again and again I have proclaimed the words of the funeral service, entering before the coffin and saying:
"I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."
"I am the resurrection and the life!" I speak these words and see different reactions in the faces of those I minister to. Every situation is different, unique, for many death is the end and there is nothing more, they are plunged into the depths of grief and hope does not console them for it is absent. In these situations I have to hope for them and hope becomes my prayer, I listen to their stories and encourage them to find hope through their memories, I tell them of the words of the funeral service and pray that in the coming days, weeks and years that they will come to grasp them, even moving from disbelief to doubt can be a big step.
"I am the resurrection and the life!" Some folk grasp these words of hope and dare to ask questions of eternity, they believe in a hopeful and hoping way, and although they cannot explain what they what they believe or how their grief is eased by their hope. As they relive their memories and tell their stories there is a sense of lightness even in their sorrow, and as we discuss the words of the funeral service for some of there folk hope begins to take on a tangible form. I hold out the Christian hope to them and pray that they will grasp it, if only lightly, and allow it to draw them forward.
"I am the resurrection and the life!" Some folk believe unequivocally, and strangely these folk are often the more difficult to work with and minister to. They are fond of the poem "Death is nothing at all", which I find problematic because death is huge, lives are changed by death! I have known firm believers refuse to see their loved ones body, declaring that there is nothing there to say goodbye to. They want to celebrate the life of their loved ones and try not to mourn. I cannot of course take their hope away, but I can encourage them to grieve, to allow the loss they have experienced to touch them, to discover in the God of all comfort one who understands their condition...
I have met all of these people this week, and of course in the course of ministry there are many shades of grey and echoes of hope and belief, grief and disbelief in-between. In the shadow of life that Easter proclaims I have sensed a fresh power in the words of the funeral service; we inevitably will face death in this life, and yet Jesus has burst free from the grave and defeated death that we might live in him.
Speaking to Martha the sister of Lazarus Jesus said: "whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
Do you believe this? Martha was looking death in the face, her much loved brother had died and here was Jesus calling her to believe in him, to believe in something more. She responds affirmatively; "Yes Lord, she told Him, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, Who was to come into the world." And yet she did not truly grasp what she believed, for when Jesus asked for the stone to be rolled away from Lazarus tomb she complained that there would be a terrible stink!
When Jesus called Lazarus to come out from the tomb I suspect that many shades of grief were present, and wonder if they were truly eased by the wonder of the resurrected Lazarus. He had still died, they had seen him die...
I wonder if it was the same for Jesus disciples, who despite knowing the wonder of the resurrection are living with the grief and trauma of the last days, the truth that Jesus is alive is still sinking in and they are deeply preplexed, and somewhat confused by it all. John's Gospel tells us that they are living behind locked doors for fear of the Jews, and there is something telling in the fact that they only recognise him by his scars:
"Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. " (John 20)
They are, in effect living with the reality of death in the shadow of life, and although they become more and more confident in the promise of life as the days go by, and particularly through the event of Pentecost, the reality is that we continue to dwell as they did in a place of shadows and tears, a place where pain and suffering and questions are daily realities. We dwell in the place of death in the shadow of life, a place where we are able, if we dare to reach out and take hold of the hope that life offers to us. We are able because Jesus has defeated death, and because of this we proclaim his words in the face of it:
"I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."
Lord I believe, help me in my unbelief!
I believe. Help me with my doubts!
