Eternal Echoes

Rest in peace x (welcoming the prodigal)

You meant so much,

you taught me 

to love,

about love,

hugging me

and loving me

inspite of myself...

showing me

what God could

be like

+

you taught me

about committment

how giving

my word,

meant

giving my word,

and you accepted me...

+

accepted and loved me,

even when I failed...

+

you meant so much,

and you are gone,

but not gone...

+

for the angels rejoice

to meet you...

+

and we WILL 

meet again...

 

To a dear friend, a surrogate Dad, who died today.

Rest in Peace,

see you soon

x

I eat my peas with honey. I've done it all my life. It makes them taste quite funny, but it keeps them on the knife..

So there's been a wedding....

Well the Royal Wedding is everywhere in the news, headlines and pictures from around the world, and despite tornadoes and wars for once this piece of good news seems to have captured the hearts and imaginations of not only the nation but of much of the world.

For once I refuse to be a cynic, much to my surprise I watched the ceremony and kept watching, I wasn't so much interested in what folk were wearing, although the Duchess of Cambridge (Catherine) really did look stunning, but was more interested in the faces and reactions to the day.

To see a young couple so obviously in love, and so confident was wonderful, and to hear the prayer that they had written:

“God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage. 

"In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.

“Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.”

This was read (for any who missed it) by the Bishop of London who given the text from Romans 12 said:

“It is of course hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness.

“People can dream of such a thing but the hope will not be fulfilled without a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love.

“Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner.

“There must be no coercion if the Spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom.”

Amidst the pomp and ceremony a simple message centered upon love and commitment, of course the chunk that was not read, vs. 3-7, reminds us that this is possible for us only in Christ, it is in and through our life given over to him that we find the strength we need to live unselfish self-giving lives. Of course there are critics, folk who believe that such a display of wealth and power is unseemly, on Ekklesia Sande Ramage says:

Jesus would have groaned when the Roman Emperor Constantine made Christianity a state religion and got priests running about blessing the machinery of war, which military chaplains are still doing today.

The wedding ceremony probably caused him some restlessness too, but the military flyover, sealing the commitment of church and state, would have had him twirling in complete frustration.

A royal wedding is not much about love; although it's clear Wills and Kate are head over heels for each other. Unfortunately though, they're bit players in a bigger drama that not so subtly embeds the idea that there are people with power, and people without. And the people with the power have a theistic, power hungry God on their side.

This is light years away from the teachings of the vulnerable man who was executed by the Romans. Despite that 'The Royals at the Abbey', with the full co-operation of the church, keep trying to blend two irreconcilable concepts.

I have to wonder if she is right, and I think that perhaps she isn't, I wonder if what William and Catherine wanted was to somehow point past all of the pomp and ceremony to something deeper and more real. I have to say that I think they achieved it, there was a certain simplicity about the whole occassion despite its pomp, the emphasis was not on the uniforms but the vows, many of the guests at the Abbey represented charities (and those interviewed were thrilled to be there), they made ecological statements with the trees in the Abbey and a global conciousness with a Fair-Trade wedding ring.

If they had gone off quietly to marry, and there was no chance of that, then the country would have felt cheated, in fact the world would have felt cheated, we need celebration and colour in our lives, and this wedding certainly gave us that. It was GOOD to hear the institution of marriage being so carefully entered into, to hear their confident declaration of vows before God. It was GOOD to hear people all around the country  talking emotionally about their experience of the day, one young man declared "it has made me proud to be British" and that is a rare proclomation these days. It was GOOD to hear the Queen say (on her return to Buckingham Palace) "it was amazing."

There will always be cynics, and I do understand some of the republican sentiments, again from Ekklesia, John Bryant is quoted:

"Monarchy is just plain wrong: possession of power just because of the family into which one is born offends against natural justice and against my Christian values."

Again I beg to disagree, I think that Jesus was not so concerned about our wealth or rank, but more about our attitude towards it. William and Catherine have huge priviliges and will be judged accordingly- that is not a burden I would choose to bear; and I'd like to think that if a certain carpenter from Nazareth had been on the guest list that if the worst came, and they ran out of wine, that he might just have provided them with more and better wine than they could have imagined.

So I'll pray for them using the words of their own prayer:

Loving God keep their eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help them to be generous with their time and love and energy.

And more than that- help them to find their strength in you.

AMEN

 

and how is this for a celebration:

Thinking about my spiritual journey ( a condensed version...)

This afternoon I spent some time with my District Chair Stephen Burgess, we were discussing my Testimony Service for Synod on the 7th May. As I prepare for this I find that I am looking back and considering the road that my faith has taken, and how I began to discern a call to ordained ministry.

Regular readers of this blog will not be surprised to be pointed to Christopher's story as a very real turning point for me, it was a turning point of trust and faith, the discovery of a God who loved me in-spite of myself, but my conscious journey of faith began before that, growing from my delight in a Primary School Hymn Book, to my desire not only to own a Bible  but to read it from cover to cover...

That said I had no idea what Christianity was all about, although I knew some of the "Jesus " stories to allow them to challenge or change was not even a thought on the far horizon.

My church experience began in Nottinghamshire at the age of 12, where I attended a local Pathfinders group, a move to Essex and a break from church for a few years until I became involved in helping at a local Cub Scout Pack and began to attend Parade Services, this led to a weekly attendance at a local village church, and a real desire to belong was kindled within me.

As a young (unmarried to start with) mother, I continued to attend church, and my first three children were all baptised. Tim was happy for this, and we began to attend special services as a family. All of my church experience so far was Anglican, although that had not crossed my mind at the time.

A move to a small costal village in Essex co-incided with Christopher's diagnosis, and the church family in the village, Anglican, Catholic and Congregational, stepped in to help out. This practical out-pouring of support had a very real effect upon me. As a family we began to attend the local Congregational Church, joined Bible Study Groups, and learnt to pray! 

A call to evangelism soon followed, and it was then that I encountered one of the great obstacles to being a woman and being called to ministry. It was OK in many folks eyes for me to be involved on a local level providing that I did not want to preach, or perish the thought get involved in mission activities that meant leaving our children in Tim's care for a week. I was told at one point that I was stealing my husbands ministry...

Even the mission group who welcomed me to join their teams, and even to take a leadership role had a this far no further policy, although many people in the organisation recognised my leadership gifts I could not be a team leader, it was against policy; and they could back it up with reasonable sounding theology- theology I now profoundly disagree with!

Next came a move to Texas, and an encounter with the Bible Belt... we attended a Baptist Church, way too big and too polished, and the womens ministry groups made my toes curl- sexism reigned! My task in life I was told was to support my husband and to look good... ( yes really), we left that church. Then came a free church, another large congregation where although participation was encouraged I met a similar problem, so many things were off limits to women. The poem below was written about my utter frustration at the confining attitudes I met within this particular congregation, and yes I really did hurl my Bible across the car-park!

Still in Texas and we joined an Episcopal Church, here the Pastor was an inspiration, he was a man of prayer and vision and in the short time we were members there I learnt so much about integrity and ministry.

Back to England and a move to Colchester, and back to an Anglican Church, again it was big, and although we became involved it was never a spiritual home. Soon we moved back to the village on the coast and re-joined the Congregational Church, we had changed a lot, but in many ways we were home, and it was from here that Tim and I were encouraged to take up a course of study in Evangelism and Mission, at the same time Tim had been made redundant twice within 3 years and with no work opening up for him in electronics we needed to look to something new. The course of study led me in an entirely different direction and into some very strange encounters...

A move to Methodist Circuit in , Norfolk, and the beginnings of a love hate love affair with Methodism. We were employed as Community Out-reach Workers,  it was wonderful, and it drove me crazy. The big choice came at Spring Harvest one year, we had taken a number of teenagers with us and had been working for the church for 3 years at this point. The choice was stark, candidate for ordained ministry or leave.... commit or walk away. This was not an ultimatum issued by the church, but a personal struggle.

I offered for Foundation Training and to my astonishment I was accepted, two years with ERMC training part time followed. I was challenged and stretched and grew. Back to the interview pannels, and Circuit, District and Connexion all said yes unanimously, two more years with ERMC and the chance to study for an M.A. which I thoroughly enjoyed...

Interestingly training with an eccumenical course really helped me to discover why Methodism was the place I now called home, both theologically with its' Arminian roots and its emphasis on prevenient grace, practically with its strong call to social justice and community and global involement and responsibility, and dare I say administratively with its emphasis on every member ministry and discipleship, Methodism made sense to me- and yes it still drives me crazy!

Through Methodism's emphasis on grace I was able to really grasp that the God who called me did not call me to be perfect before I could serve him, rather s/he called me to begin a work in and through me, to be open to transformation within as the Holy Spirit guided and equipped me, to be open to that guidance with the "pruning" and training that it might bring.

I was Stationed in the Snaith,  and Selby Circuit in September 2009, and all being well I will be Ordained on the 3rd July this year in Liverpool...

On a personal note my journey has been challenging, I grew up under the sound of the call to worship from a local Mosque in Malaysia rather than Englis Church Bells, though they did come later when my parents returend home to England with us and we lived for a while opposite the Parish Church in Deeping St James ( I have never been inside it!)...

I lived on a pig farm in Essex struggling to come to terms with my parents divorce, muddling love and sex in search for belonging I found that even here God was with me, as I married the father of my first child, he is the father of all the others also, and we have been married for almost 30 years now. In many ways we grew up with our children, having responsibility for them made us responsible and taught us to pray. Tim is currently training at Durham St John and is a Student Deacon in the Methodist Diaconal Order...

The poem below marked a turning point for me, a day when I threw my frustrations at a narrow confining theology across a church car park, and never looked back...

 

 

This Bible is worn and battered;

Like my faith is torn in places,

And like may faith it has been well used.

 

Every page has been read in this Bible,

Each word scanned and poured over

It was my companion through hard times.

 

But that did not stop me hurling the damn thing

Clean across the car park

In an outpouring of frustration!

 

My faith went with it that day

And everything changed;

For I no longer held to brittle man made rules

 

Rules that told me how to pray

How to give,

And how to behave.

 

Rules that gave rules to God

Telling him how to respond to his childrens cries

 

These words have taught me well that there is another way

A true way for those who have ears to hear

And eyes to see…

 

For God will not be bound by our rules

Nor will he always smooth the path before us

 

But he will walk it with us

And does,

Whether we choose to take his hand

Or refuse it and stride on alone!

 

My journey of faith will continue to be a pilgrimage, I have no doubt about that! And I still have that Bible...

 

In the shadow of life...

I have been dashing around like a crazy person over the last few days, with one colleague on Sabbatical and the shortened week funerals have stacked up and my whole week has been dominated by death. Again and again I have proclaimed the words of the funeral service, entering before the coffin and saying:

"I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."

"I am the resurrection and the life!" I speak these words and see different reactions in the faces of those I minister to. Every situation is different, unique, for many death is the end and there is nothing more, they are plunged into the depths of grief and hope does not console them for it is absent. In these situations I have to hope for them and hope becomes my prayer, I listen to their stories and encourage them to find hope through their memories, I tell them of the words of the funeral service and pray that in the coming days, weeks and years that they will come to grasp them, even moving from disbelief to doubt can be a big step.

"I am the resurrection and the life!" Some folk grasp these words of hope and dare to ask questions of eternity, they believe in a hopeful and hoping way, and although they cannot explain what they what they believe or how their grief is eased by their hope. As they relive their memories and tell their stories there is a sense of lightness even in their sorrow, and as we discuss the words of the funeral service for some of there folk hope begins to take on a tangible form. I hold out the Christian hope to them and pray that they will grasp it, if only lightly, and allow it to draw them forward.

"I am the resurrection and the life!" Some folk believe unequivocally, and strangely these folk are often the more difficult to work with and minister to. They are fond of the poem "Death is nothing at all", which I find problematic because death is huge, lives are changed by death! I have known firm believers refuse to see their loved ones body, declaring that there is nothing there to say goodbye to. They want to celebrate the life of their loved ones and try not to mourn. I cannot of course take their hope away, but I can encourage them to grieve, to allow the loss they have experienced to touch them, to discover in the God of all comfort one who understands their condition...

I have met all of these people this week, and of course in the course of ministry there are many shades of grey and echoes of hope and belief, grief and disbelief in-between. In the shadow of life that Easter proclaims I have sensed a fresh power in the words of the funeral service; we inevitably will face death in this life, and yet Jesus has burst free from the grave and defeated death that we might live in him.

Speaking to Martha the sister of Lazarus Jesus said:  "whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

Do you believe this? Martha was looking death in the face, her much loved brother had died and here was Jesus calling her to believe in him, to believe in something more. She responds affirmatively; "Yes Lord, she told Him, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, Who was to come into the world." And yet she did not truly grasp what she believed, for when Jesus asked for the stone to be rolled away from Lazarus tomb she complained that there would be a terrible stink!

When Jesus called Lazarus to come out from the tomb I suspect that many shades of grief were present, and wonder if they were truly eased by the wonder of the resurrected Lazarus. He had still died, they had seen him die...

I wonder if it was the same for Jesus disciples, who despite knowing the wonder of the resurrection are living with the grief and trauma of the last days, the truth that Jesus is alive is still sinking in and they are deeply preplexed, and somewhat confused by it all. John's Gospel tells us that they are living behind locked doors for fear of the Jews, and there is something telling in the fact that they only recognise him by his scars:

"Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. " (John 20)

They are,  in effect living with the reality of death in the shadow of life, and although they become more and more confident in the promise of life as the days go by, and particularly through the event of Pentecost, the reality is that we continue to dwell as they did in a place of shadows and tears, a place where pain and suffering and questions are daily realities. We dwell in the place of death in the shadow of life, a place where we are able, if we dare to reach out and take hold of the hope that life offers to us. We are able because Jesus has defeated death, and  because of this we proclaim his words in the face of it:

"I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die."

Lord I believe, help me in my unbelief!

I believe. Help me with my doubts!

Resurrection, recovery, and transformation... ( thoughts on time, and life )

Several thoughts coming together here, and all centred on resurrection and recovery...

On Easter Sunday I preached on the transformational possibilities released through the resurrection, how the risen and transformed Christ reveals to us the possibility of resurrection and transformation in our own lives. I used the (often used) illustration of a butterfly, noting that it begins life as a caterpillar and has to go through the transformation process by entering into the chrysalis where everything is in flux. In fact everything becomes a messy goop, and it is out of the mess that the new creature emerges. That emergence comes with a struggle, and the butterfly gains its strength through the struggle to emerge, to "help" a butterfly to break free from it's chrysalis tomb by opening it so that struggle is not needed will result in a weak and deficient creature that will never reach its full potential and soar!

Continuing to think along these lines I begin to wonder if we often rush the mystery of Easter and all too readily plunge back into the ordinary life. How easily we move in just three days from O Sacred Head Sore Wounded to Thine be the Glory, and yet a careful reading of the gospels reveals to us the doubts and fears that the disciples experienced in the days following the resurrection. Many times Jesus was not recognised, and his appearance though it certainly evoked joy, sometimes brought about terror and questions. 

Luke 24 tells us:

"just as they were telling about it, Jesus himself was suddenly standing there among them. “Peace be with you,” he said.  But the whole group was startled and frightened, thinking they were seeing a ghost!"

Matthew 28:

"When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted."

John 20:

"At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus."

These and other descriptions of those first encounters reveal fear, doubt, and questions, writing today Maggi Dawn says:

"Whatever the resurrection meant, exactly, it didn’t mean that everything was back to normal. It meant that hope had not died with him; it meant that all their categories of thought had to be adjusted around this new situation. But in practical terms? perhaps it meant that something very new and amazing was breaking out, but perhaps it meant that they were to go home and resume normal life.

What to do? and how to live? It wasn’t clear at all. One gospeller tells us that some of them went back to Galilee and their fishing business. Another says they waited in Jerusalem. Hanging about, or plodding through life’s daily events, the resurrection had certainly not changed their lives in an instant, like winning the lottery or something."

Their lives were not changed in an instant, the events of Jesus life now needed re-framing in an entirely new way, death had been defeated, something new had begun, and in some ways the church in all its diversity is still grappling with what all of this means. 

We live in such an instant world that all too often we miss the depths of mystery that the Easter Gospels reveal to us, we don't dwell with the disciples in their fears and doubts, we want to move on to rush to proclaim the good news before we have grasped what the good news is...

And the truth is that the disciples had to wait with and dwell in this messy place of flux until Pentecost...

...and dare I say beyond Pentecost...

I wonder if an appropriate picture for the church should be of the chrysalis. Could it be that in daring to choose to be in Christ that we enter the tomb ( the chrysalis) with him and this is where we still are in many real senses, we are not yet what we will be, but all of the ingredients, all of the potential is there. And yet because he is raised we are raised and are actively called to be his body on earth, to reveal and live his resurrection to the world...

No wonder we get confused! 

So where did the thoughts on depression come from and why are they in this blog post title..?

A while ago I blogged on Mike Yardy and depression, and was encouraged by not only his openness and honesty regarding his illness, but also by Hugh Morris, the English team coach who was reported as saying:

 "Yardy would be given the full support of everyone connected with the national team....... our priority now is to ensure that he returns home to his family and is able to spend time recovering with a strong support network around him"

Today Sussex head Coach Mark Robinson has been reported as saying:

"But it is just like anybody being injured. You have to give them time to heal properly and what you don’t want to do is rush them back so that they have a recurrence of the injury. It’s the same for Yards."

Time to heal, time to heal from depression, time to heal from shock and grief....

Time...

For Yardy, the time to heal is crucial, and so it was for the disciples, and dare I say so it is for the church today. We have just plunged ourselves headlong into an intense week, re-living the events of The Passion and Easter, if we have done so lightly then we may just skim along, but if we have been touched by the mystery, challenged afresh by the possibilities, awed by the depth of love, and wonder of resurrection power, then maybe just maybe we need time...

Time to take it in, time to heal, time to ponder and wonder, to dwell with our doubts and fears, to re-emerge stronger and closer to God somehow...

Paying attention... ( a visual meditation)

Easter...

How do I sum up Easter 2011? I've been mulling over the whirlwind of days from Maundy Thursday through to Easter Monday, trying to un-muddle my thoughts. For me much of the weekend revolved around the Chapel at Sherburn in Elmet:

Lets start with furniture moving! I decided to move furniture, well the chairs and the communion table to be precise, for our Maundy Thursday Service, for despite having chairs and a fairly flexible space at Sherburn we tend to opt for the default straight lines with a gap down the centre; it is easy, we come we sit in "our" spot and that is that.  One of the Stewards remarked albeit tongue in cheek that she didn't know where her seat was, so she had to find somewhere else to sit...

The chairs were moved into a semi-circle leaving space for me to set up a centre piece of tables which on Maundy Thursday held a display of candles (one for each disciple named in the liturgy) in the shape of a cross and other pictures and icons. On Easter day the centre-piece shape was kept the same but the display changed...

Here the candles up the centre marked the path from the cross to the empty tomb, and the scattered pictures are butterflies, these were used in the second service, for the first service we used the table for communion.

All of this had an amazing effect on people, the building was familiar but the lay out was new, there was no communion rail separating them from the bread and wine, they could look across the room and see one another and still see the screen where the service was projected. All this newness produced a freedom in worship for many who being given permission to sit stand clap or even dance did so! There wasn't much dancing to be fair, but in this usually static congregation even a little jigging from foot to foot was new.One man spoke of being freed from the rules and the ritual, and sensing that he had met God in a new way! 

Then there was a new expectancy: people had come to worship, there was a tangible and almost awed hush at the start of the Maundy Thursday Service, where there is often chatter there was quiet, and it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, people had come to meet with God, and I believe we did, this flowed over the next few days and was still present in a joyful way on Easter day! We had two services on Easter morning beginning with a Communion, then a shared breakfast ( which was another service if we chose to see it that way) and then a Service of Praise. At the first service we lit the candles from the cross to the empty tomb and left them burning, at the second service I preached on transformation and used the butterfly as an image, offering folk opportunity to meditate on that image and to take one away with them. I also offered the chance for folk to receive prayer following the service which a number of them did to my utter surprise. I am a firm believer in prayer ministry and feel this is something we should introduce more frequently.

There was a sense of involvement: people came to help move furniture, to make tea and coffee, to serve soup, and to cook breakfast, and although this is not in any way new, it was new, and certainly a different feel to last year, which may well say as much about me as others! Having said that involving 30 people and a choir in the Maundy Thursday Service and seeing it work without glitches was somehow inspiring...

Our Easter morning cooks enjoying their breakfast at last;

they probably won't thank me for this :-)

There were some grumbles of course, and some folk who were intent on making sure I knew they think I am not being what a minister should be. BUT I am sure that as we made our journey from the cross to the tomb this year we met with the risen Christ in a new way, and for that I say Thanks be to God!

 

encountering resurrection...

heavy footsteps,

early morning,

grief,

darkness,

sorrow,

slow, heavy feet,

apprehensive,

determined,

questions...

+

dismay

confusion,

concern,

anger,

questions...

+

TERROR!

+

shock,

surprise,

excitement,

overwhelming joy,

questions....

+

running,

shouting,

stumbling,

laughing,

questions...

 

... saturday people...

if we are honest,

we know that

we are saturday people,

we are waiting,

waiting and watching,

we are incomplete,

we are broken

and bruised,

we are not yet whole,

not yet healed,

not yet....

+

we are people

who live

 not yet lives,

because we know

there is more

to come,

but because there

is more

we celebrate...

+

we are saturday people

let's dance!

 

Holy Week ....

Beginning on Monday with the leadership team prayer meeting where the words of the opening prayers:

Let us humble ourselves, let us strive to know our God, whose justice dawns like the morning star, its dawning is as sure as the sunrise...

...really set the tone for the week.

As a Circuit we came together every evening through the week for a time of worship, each service has been creative and different, some have used images, others music, we had two choirs and a number of meditations all reflecting the creativity and thoughtfulness of those leading them.

On Wednesday I had some fun with Women's Fellowship as we discussed foot washing and feet in general, we looked at pictures of feet from baby feet to work tired bare feet, we discussed the fish pedicures that have become popular and pondered how we might feel if Jesus were to wash our feet. 

I was privileged to lead the Tenebrae Style Service yesterday (Thursday) evening , and spent yesterday afternoon re-arranging the Chapel around a set of tables. I used powerpoint for images, with music videos set in, and not only did the technology work but I am very grateful to the 25 people involved in the service in one way or another, and to Wistow Choir for adding so much to the evening. I must admit that when I asked for volunteers for all of the different elements I was pleased and overwhelmed by the response, then the worry set in, so many people, so much potential for everything to go wrong, and yet the whole thing flowed. Thanks be to God. 

I said Tenebrae style because I used the framework of the service to provide a direction, we ended in style with Wistow Choir singing Crucify, followed by a time of silence and Taize's 2Within Our Darkest Night" set to images of the arrest, trial and crucifixion.

Today I have popped in to a children's club, taken part in a series of meditations at South Milford, joined the Walk of Witness at Sherburn and led the final act of worship for that, attended a very moving meditation led by Ian Ellory at Wistow Church, and enjoyed the final Circuit Service of Holy Week.

It has been exhausting, but it has been worth it, tomorrow I will be preparing for Easter Sunday, the hymns and readings are all chosen , just some finishing off to do...

I will try not to do too much on Holy Saturday, a day we often brush over too easily, a day we might do well to consider more deeply...

Sunday will bring praise and celebration, but for now I am content to wait for that...