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Such faith
from a fig tree revelation,
such certainty…
..did life throw
other questions
your way
Nathanael?
Did you ever doubt?
Did you despair...
…or was the encounter
of being known
too powerful
to ever let
faith go?
I have written about Nathaniel before… you can find a narrative sermon here.
Hope is grief's best music. ~Author Unknown
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. ~Anne Lamott
Tim took me out for lunch and for a walk today, it is funny the things that slip into your mind. I remembered how when I was about 15 that my mum took me to Pitsea Market to buy me a coat. I wanted a Blanket Coat, they were the "latest thing". She had saved for it and took me to choose it . Imagine my horror when it fell apart a couple of days later. We went straight back to the market to find the stall holder, when we found him mum insisted that he exchanged the coat. He as insistent that he had not sold the coat to us, but mum would not give up, she stood next to the stall telling folk not to buy from this man.... he gave in and made the exchange. We left triumphant, and as we made our way back to the car we came across the stall where we had purchased the original coat! We beat a hasty retreat.... and now we look back and laugh!
Stories like this make me smile, but it is faith that gives me hope. Faith speaks to me of what I cannot see, and although one of the great saddnesses of my life is that my mum did not share my faith, I still have hope in a God who is gracious and merciful, and more loving than I can possibly imagine. By faith hope insists on living on and overcoming even the deepest waves of doubt and despair.
"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—
And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—
I've heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me.
Emily Dickinson
Mums are often special people and my my was no exception; she was born in March 1933 in a small fenland village, she was the youngest of three children,many of her early childhood memories are of W.W.II. She was full of interesting stories about village life, of friends and a freedom we only dream of today, including a tale of scrumping apples from the vicarage garden!
Mum was a keen sports woman, and ran and cycled competitively, she also played hockey. One tale from cycling days was of covering for my Uncle Dennis who was supplied to be her chaperon ( she would not have been allowed to go without him). They would leave together but mum would return home alone leaving Dennis to escort his fiance to her home! Mum would open the gate twice and make enough noise for two as she returned, even stomping up the stairs hoping to fool my grandparents who were in bed when "they" returned! She was never quite sure that they were convinced, as they didn't let on either way...
My mum was clever too, and passed her eleven plus exam which took her to Peterborough Girls Grammer School. From there she went to work in the offices at Baker Perkins. She joined the company hockey team which is where she met my dad.
Mum and dad moved from Peterborough to Derby, and fro there took the huge step of moving to Singapore and then Malaysia. Mum found herself in a very different culture fro the one she had been brought up in but her sense of fun and adventure enabled her to thrive, even through the sadness of the infant death of her first child, my brother. Mum made sure that my sister and I were kept busy, we swam everyday, took ballet lessons and were encouraged to develop interests of our own.
Mum coped bravely as my dad descended into alcoholism, we returned to England and she helped Becca and I to adjust as she adjusted herself and although she lived through a painful divorce she continued to help us to look on the bright side of life and to make the most of the opportunities that came our way. Mum took on work as a florist during this time, a skill she had picked up in Malaysia.
She married again in the 70's, Steve had been a friend in her younger days and his first wife had died of cancer, mum went to help as Shirley had been her friend too, and a new love affair began. Mum, Becca and I moved to join Steve on his pig farm in Essex, and I can safely say that I have never seen her happier than when she was living with and working with Steve.
Farming brought a new challenge, and mum rose to it, and then to working with horses as the economy demanded a change of emphasis, and a move from Essex to Northumberland! This move brought new changes too, and mum began working for the NHS first as a Domestic Services Supervisor, and then managing the whole department.
Grandchildren soon arrived as we ( mum and Steve had 5 children between them) all began to pair off and get married, and mum and Steve rose to new challenges, when they were old enough they would take all of the grandchildren away for a week together- more impressive when you realise that they had 11 grandchildren in total!Christopher once gave them some trouble with a habit for getting "lost", mum came up with the idea of tying a helium balloon to him so that they could see where he was!
When mum and Steve retired they soon left Northumberland for Essex again, buying a small bungalow with a large garden they were soon growing vegetables and embarking on new adventures. The adventures included a caravan which they took exploring, this was traded for first a small day boat and then a small cruiser with these they explored the River Blackwater. When these became difficult to manage they decided to purchase a sea kayak and took great delight in exploring the creeks and marshes nearer to home.
Mum loved animals, wild and tame, her love for dogs saw a new enterprise emerge when their own much loved dalmatians died. Wanting to be able to travel and not be tied to finding kennels for a pet mum hit upon an idea that funded some travel and gave them the fun of having a dog to care for at times. She set up a dog sitting business, the dogs were welcomed as family pets and she soon had regular clients!
Travel took them to Italy, Turkey, and many other locations, they enjoyed snorkeling, and swimming, and generally exploring....
My mum wasn't perfect, but she had a zest for life, and loved fun, she made friends wherever she went, and was loved by many. Last Friday she was admitted to hospital for tests, throughout the week she deteriorated. Tim and I went down to stay with Steve on Tuesday and visited mum everyday. Yesterday I helped to wash her face and put cream on her hands, the doctors report sounded hopeful...
Mum's health had been a concern when in the late 70's she was diagnosed with Coeliac disease, she stuck to a strict diet and this helped her to live well. In later years however she had to take a number of different medications and these introduced complications of their own....
... at 3am this morning we were called to her bedside, she had weakened and was finding it hard to breathe... at 6am she died as peacefully as possible with Steve and I at her side. Mum was 76.
The details of this post may not be exact, but they are my memories in no particular order.
I will miss her terribly, and want to say a BIG THANK YOU to Steve for making her so happy....
Mum and Steve at my son Paul's wedding this year.
At the beginning of time
when the waters
lay black, smooth,
unformed,
undisturbed,
depths
masking questions…
When all was silent
a pebble dropped,
a pebble of truth
dropped
into the depths….
…and as it sank the questions
started
spreading as ripples
across the surface
of the deep
God has spoken…
Can you hear creations questions
echoing through time?
This morning I read a report from the BBC about a meeting of world leaders who hope to break the deadlock that resulted from the Copenhagen summit on climate change. The BBC report states that:
"…rich nations have not pledged to cut enough carbon to take the world out of danger."
and that:
"Poor countries refuse to commit to binding caps, saying this would prevent them from developing their economies."
And I wonder what "groanings" we might hear from creation as a response…. we are so deafened to the cries of the planet, deafened by our own greed and complacency deafened by the grinding sound of the wheels of commerce….
Over the last couple of days my role as shore crew and photographer has been swapped for the role of sailing crew in our dingy Wild Goose. I have sailed before, first as a teenager taking part in junior racing, and then now and again when Tim has been abandoned by our girls.
My sailing skills are very rusty, and this weekend has seen me experiencing a huge learning curve. Tim thankfully has not minded my rather clumsy attempts at moving around the boat and we have enjoyed sailing together.
As we negotiated the racing circuit this afternoon I began to remember the need to keep making small adjustments to my position within the boat and to the sail that I was responsible for. Sailing on a lake has brought some interesting challenges, including the strange and shifting winds. The winds are affected by the hills and trees surrounding the lake and can change direction quite suddenly. I am glad that Tim's' experience of sailing means that he can spot the wind-shifts and react accordingly.
Tim spoke of sailing the boat in sympathy with the conditions, and how not forcing moves and working with the winds gained the best from the boat. I have been reflecting on that in the light of Jesus words about the Holy Spirit;
"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." (John 3:8)
You cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going; as far as the wind was concerned today that was certainly my experience, but those who were used to reading the movement in the trees and the ripples on the water knew otherwise. They could see the wind, they were listening and watching for it. They were utilising the power of the wind to the gain an advantage and make good progress.
This watching and waiting and listening exercise was carried out while the boats were underway and called for constant vigilance. It made me wonder what might happen if we Christians as individuals and as a church were so attentive to the moves of the Spirit, and if we actively sought to work in sympathy with what we observed and sensed.
One crew out on the lake were doing some quite aggressive tacking, forcing their boat to roll into the wind, which gained it some momentum, but it slowed up again. Tim believes that forcing the boat through a tack might gain a momentary advantage but will ultimately prove detrimental. I wonder whether we mirror this sometimes as we rush into activities and dive headlong into " new ideas" without correctly discerning the presence and move of the Spirit amongst us.
As far as sailing goes my moves are currently the result of one who is out of shape and out of practice.... and I ask myself where I stand with my ability to respond to the winds of the Spirit.
Most people would recognise that we live in a culture that is obsessed with power and importance, a celebrity driven culture where being recognised, being famous is all important. I wonder if things have changed dramatically, or whether to some extent recognition has always been important…
In Jesus day Pharisees and teachers drew disciples, the more popular and influential the teacher the more disciples they had. I don't suppose the collated a top ten as we might do today, but I am sure that the popularity of some did not go unnoticed….
Jesus disciples were probably the most unlikely bunch, they weren't scholars, they were drawn from the lakeside, common fishermen, and from the roadside… Matthew would have been considered a collaborator with Rome, an outcast tax collector….
But Jesus had called them, and his teaching was turning the world upside down through his teaching, and they were following him. They had witnessed crowds flocking to him, seen miracles and healings…
They were following Jesus, the revolutionary teacher, the teacher who was drawing huge crowds and challenging the religious elite….
No wonder they felt important….
But did they feel that they lived up to the image they had created…
Put yourself into the disciple's shoes for a moment, reading around today's text reveals their insecurities; they had been split into two groups, those who had witnessed the transfiguration ( having been called by Jesus to ascend the mountain with him) and those who hadn't…
Peter James and John, the privileged elite, the chosen three, called up the mountainside by their friend and teacher. These three had seen Jesus transformed before their eyes Jesus in conversation with Moses and Elijah…. and then they heard the voice of God confirming the fact that Jesus His son and commanding them to listen to him. The whole incident had reduced them to the state of gibbering wrecks. Peters stumbling attempt to make sense of what he saw to offer to build shelters to capture the moment was simply ignored.
How about the others, those left at the foot of the mountain? Knowing they were Jesus disciples and knowing of the miracles that followed in Jesus wake a man had brought his son for healing… and the disciples could do nothing. They had tried, but the demon inside the boy had resisted their attempts. Jesus rebuked the disciples for their lack of prayer and faith and quickly cast it out returning the now healthy boy to his father.
And so we return to today's text; Jesus and the disciples move on, and as they walk Jesus talks of the sufferings he is about to undergo… but with bruised egos and confused minds none of the disciples understood him, and none of them dared to ask.
I picture them falling behind Jesus as they walked along, each one nursing his own vulnerability, this vulnerability was soon to be masked by an argument… Which one of them was the greatest? Which one deserved to be Jesus right hand man?
Jesus of course is not oblivious to this, and soon turns their worldly values upside down once again.
"Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else"… bringing a small child into the group he emphasises his point…"Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf] welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me."
A little child in Jesus society had no rights (quite unlike children in our society today), in fact they were almost non- people, protected only perhaps by the love of their families.
Humble yourself, Jesus was saying embrace the least, for in doing so you will be embracing me, and not only me but the God who sent me….
Perhaps the greatest illustration we have of this in modern times is the example of Mother Theresa who gave up her noble status to work and serve the poorest of the poor in the slums of Calcutta.
Admire her though we may, I am sure that like me you are not called to go there. We have been called to serve here in the South Milford area.
So what is Jesus challenge to us?
Humble yourself he says; is he repeating that command to us today? Is he calling us beyond our insecurities and our vulnerabilities to a life of true service? And if he is what might that look like for us as a church, and as individuals?
Certainly the Church today is struggling with its own identity, it has lost the place of strength it once had and is feeling vulnerable. Lots of books have been written from various perspectives about where we should go from here… I wonder if all the words that have been produced (helpful though some of them are) are not a little like the arguing disciples. I wonder if Jesus is not looking for words from us but for humility within us that accepts our own vulnerability and embraces the least.
So we are left with questions:
Do we recognise our own humble state, or are we clinging to and hiding behind the vestiges of power that the church once thought important?
If we dare to answer that honestly and take the place of a servant in God's kingdom, then we must ask ourselves who and how we are called to serve…. and the answer will probably be right under our noses…..
Perhaps our quest for the answer lies in the conversation between Jesus and his disciples after he had healed the demon possessed boy…. prayer…
Through prayer we open ourselves up to God, placing our true selves into his hands we can ask for his wisdom to be poured into our lives. We need this wisdom, to guide and instruct our lives as individuals and as a church. Through prayer and opening ourselves up to God we embrace his possibilities even in our weak and vulnerable state.
We might find ourselves lost for words… able only to say "Lord we believe, help us with our doubts…."… and when we do we might just find ourselves transformed as the life and love and power of God flows into our lives afresh.
Let us pray…
Tim and me are enjoying discovering new walks, this excellent web-sitehas helped. So today we drove into Thirsk and bought a map and a sandwich and headed out onto the edge of the North Yorkshire Moors. We walked for 11km ( approx 6.8 miles) with a stop for lunch.
Friday has remained my day off and we hope to discover new routes every week, by the time we had covered 4 miles today we found ourselves overlooking a great view, visibility was not excellent but we enjoyed it anyway. The sandwich was very welcome, and we really enjoyed it, having discovered a shop in Thirsk where they made exactly what we ordered as we watched. Fresh bread and fresh salad! Normally we would make our own but this mornings departure was complicated by the necessity to bury the gerbil who had been y our family pet for the last 3 years, Mr Tibbles. He was over a year old when we took him in and had lived a good life, I was rather surprised how upset I was.
Right now we are relaxing after our evening meal, I feel rested and rejuvenated. It has taken me a long time to realise that caring for myself is the only way I can care for and serve others, yes there will be times when I am called to give more than I feel able to, but by caring for myself when I can I stand a better chance of being able to do so.
Sam tagged me with this; I'm supposed to "Post a collection of 10 things you believe, ethical, philosophical or theological."- In no particular order....
1. I believe that all people are aware to some extent of their own spirituality, some ignore it whilst others worship it- both extremes are wrong.
2. I believe that fun and laughter are essential parts of life, that we are poorer without them.
3. I believe in equality for all, and because of this acknowledge that my own privileged position as a middle-class, white, westerner, means that to live out that belief I must be prepared to make sacrifices and change my lifestyle.
4. I believe that Churches often miss/ forget the point of their existence....
5.I believe that there is more to fair trade than purchasing ethically sourced goods.
6. I believe that we should all take responsibility for the environment.
7.I believe that being is often more fruitful than doing.
8. Borrowing one from Sam ( with no apologies; I believe that God is a verygreat deal less concerned about sexual preference (and even behavior) than we are.
9. I believe that even the smallest action as a by-product of careful listening is more likely to be successful than any grandiose 5 year plan.
10. I believe in God....
I tag; Mike, Matt, Dave Perry, Helen, and The Archdruid Eileen.
we cannot do this…
we are weak,
and frail,
and totally overwhelmed
by the enormity
of the task
that lies
ahead….
we cannot do it,
we don't have
the strength,
the power
or the
imagination…
(that we once had)
it is beyond us
beyond our skill,
beyond our dreaming….
…and yet you call
us on, you dare us
to take a step
of faith, to look
up
to you again…
…and to remember
that we have never
truly had the strength,
it has always
come from you…
it always will…
but you still call us on,
we might be
clay jars
and
cracked pots,
but you fill
us with your glory…
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