Eternal Echoes

Bad week, but filled with hope...

It has not been a good week in the Coleman household, Tim and I have had problems with fraud on our bank account, we thought one of the cars was showing signs of failing completely  (thankfully it was a minor glitch), and then to cap it all Chris was admitted to hospital last night with arrhythmia problems, a reading of his pacemaker revealed that he went into heart block for a period of time yesterday afternoon.

BUT  there have been real signs of hope and light in the mess that calls itself the last few days. So many people have offered us help and prayer, it is heartwarming to be cared about and for , not only that but I have been so impressed and thankful for the way that my children and their friends have reacted and supported one another.

Chris was on a mission trip and placement from Cliff college, they were in Rotherham. His girlfriend was a part of one of the other teams; she collected things he might need and took them in to the hospital in Sheffield for him, she then stayed the night at my daughter Joanne's house in Sheffield center. Jo made Ness a meal and sorted out a bed for her, they had breakfast together this morning before Ness set off . Emma, my elder daughter relayed all of this to me this morning, Jo hadn't worried about calling home as she knew we'd be waiting to hear from Chris and the hospital.

I know that what Jo did was not extraordinary or even perhaps unexpected, but it was a very thoughtful and care filled reaction, and one that shows how good her relationship is with Chris and Ness. It reminds me that my children are very capable of sorting things out without my help. I don't feel redundant, just proud of them! I guess it means we haven't done too bad a job on the parenting front!!!

Jon. Jo's twin is at home, and recognising that both Tim and I were stressed and distracted last night he stepped in and cooked the evening meal, even planning it himself! He has just cleaned the living room for me too.... ( no he is not available for hire or borrowing, we need him!!!)

Chris is being taken back to Cliff tonight and we will collect him from there, he will need to rest while we wait to hear from The Royal Brompton Hospital on whether they will bring the scheduled specialised catheter ablation forward from the scheduled date in July. This is a similar operation to the one that caused major complications last summer; this year Brompton have new and specialised equipment and as the need is pressing they will try this delicate procedure again.

Back to prayer then, but still holding on to a hope that is both present and for the present, and necessarily present and eschatological; this life is not the end!

Friends will understand why I like this setting of Psalm 23:

 

S/he holds me,

and I hold on in turn!

Lazarus…a meditation on John 11: 1-45

 

Part 1

 

Lazarus,

weary,

sick,

in pain..

 

in pain, and waiting…

waiting,

for His touch;

 

waiting

for the friend,

his friend,

the one

who had

brought

transformation

to so many.

 

Lazarus,

weary,

sick,

in pain,

dying..

 

dead

 

Did he question?

Was he angry

at the absence of the

one

whose help

he needed?

 

Or was his hope

beyond the grave?

 

 

Part 2

 

Lazarus,

waking,

vital and alive,

yet bound

by grave clothes.

 

Waking vital and alive,

hearing the voice

he'd longed to hear

calling him

at last!

 

Did the birds sound sweeter?

Was the air clearer?

Was life fuller

from that day?

 

Sickness no longer

held him,

nor did

death,

and though

it would come again

on this earth,

life now

held him

forever.

 

 

 

Reading the Scriptures this morning it occurred to me that we are all Lazarus's in some ways, we have been called into life by Jesus, and yet so often we still live in grave clothes. This morning I sensed the Holy Spirit calling me to abandon the grave clothes again, and yet alongside a real desire to respond I noticed a familiar resistance within myself to escape the things that have held me captive for so long, because they are comfortable….

even Lazarus

needed friends

to unbind him.

In search of transformation………….

I can't!

So often,

too often those

words fall from

my tongue,

and echo

in my mind

until I believe them

completely.

 

I can't!

It is too hard.

 

But today

as every day

you offer me

a clean sheet,

a new start,

and the promise that

with you

NOTHING

is impossible.

 

So come

Holy Spirit,

captivate my heart,

transform my unbelief

and help me to trust.

 

Come

Holy Spirit,

help me to be

different,

to do

different,

to choose

your ways

over my ways.

Turn my I can't'

to I can,…

…with you.

 

For with God

nothing

is

impossible!

 

no words….

I do not have

the words

to express

my need

for you,

for your life

giving, life

bringing

presence.

 

Without you

I crumble,

my soul

is easily parched,

easily dried…

 

…so come Holy Spirit,

revive me, restore me,

remind me

that I am loved.

Reassure me

that I will not be

turned away

when I come

hungry,

dry and thirsty.

 

I do not have

the words

to express

my need

for you,

for your life

giving, life

bringing

presence.

 

Come Holy Spirit,

come…

 

 

I sent this picture to a friend today, he is thinking about air as an element, and of the spiritual significance of air, and he got me thinking. The picture speaks to me of time taken to really breathe and to be, to take time out to meditate and to contemplate. It speaks of connectedness, and reminds me that the Holy Spirit dwells within me and that when I forget to breathe spiritually that I shrink and diminish the space for God in my life. So I thank my friend for the reminder, and thank God that She never turns me away, that she longs to fill my life, to invigorate and refresh me, that She calls the true me into being, beyond the shell of existence and into real living!

Friday Five Blog roll spotlight

Over at Revgals Mary Beth says: On my blog sidebar is a list titled, "Blogs I Read Every Day." After my mother became a blogger, she asked me how I could possibly read that many blogs daily!? I had to confess it then: Okay, I don't read them all every day! I have over 100 on there! But I have favorites, and you do too.
Some of you probably use feed readers to let you know when your favorite bloggers have posted...not me, not yet. I just have folks who are part of my day-to-day.

So for today's Friday Five, give us five blogs you visit regularly.These can be RevGal and Pal bloggers and others ... or news sites, knitting sites, etc. Who are you showing the love to on a pretty constant basis?

Hopefully we will all get to know some new bloggy friends this way!

 

Well I do visit a lot of revgal sites but I thought I'd introduce you all some other favourites:

 

1. Matt Stone, an Aussie blogs at Glocal Chrisitanity, a great blog especially for those who like imagery and provocative thinking.

 

2. John Smulo's Smulo Space is a place for discussion and questions.

 

3. Theologians John and Olive Drane have just started blogging at 2 Church Mice, lots of good comment on culture there.

 

4. Juliet Doyle's Musings from a Muddy Island brings fond rememberings of my years living on the Blackwater Estuary in Essex.

 

5. And before I forget, my friend the Arch-druid Eileen who blogs at The Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley... is this a serious blog???? I'll allow you to decide...

 

Happy surfing everyone....

 

Just a few more mentions, I visit Lorna, Mike and Will's blogs regularly.

Rules of engagement

I am pondering recent conversations with churchy folk about aspects of popular culture. In my presentation yesterday I spoke about two TV programmes, first the recent BBC 3 series Being Human and then American sit-com My name is Earl, not a glimmer of recognition crossed people's faces and I had to explain both, making the task of illustrating my point longer than it might have been.

Chatting with other church folk revealed the unsurprising fact that many of these good people do not watch TV apart from the news and selected documentaries, listen to anything other than Radio 4, or read any newspapers on a regular basis, those who do read newspapers tend to read The Guardian. Now I am not suggesting that any of these things are bad simply that they provide a very selective window to the culture that we live and move in and should be trying to engage with.

So my fellow churchy folk I challenge you:

1. Pick a Soap Opera and watch it, I mean really watch it, not just once but regularly.

2. Decide to read a couple of different newspapers each week.

3. Think about the documentaries you choose to see, and don't switch off when things become a little uncomfortable.

Now from viewing and reading to the things we do... I hear too often from folk who have no time for hobbies outside of church life! This is crazy, and it is insular... so go on, take that art class, join a secular book group, learn to sky dive, whatever it is that sparks your interest go and do it. Jesus came that we might have life in all its fullness not that we might attend meetings!!!

Now I realise that this is not new advice, and it is advice that I have to give myself over and over again, but I will freely admit that the first thing my family searched for on-line after finding that I was being Stationed to Yorkshire was a Sailing Club! We have found several and will do the rounds of visiting them to find ourselves a new sailing home this summer! In addition to this I am hoping ,that as we will have a suitable garden, to give a home to a rescue dog who will help me to make friends with my new neighbours.

None of this is frivolous or unimportant, it is what makes us fully human, and fully able to engage with our friends and neighbours ( those folk we wave to on our way to church). Theologian Karl Barth advised, Christians should have the newspaper in one hand and the Bible in the other, that way we would be informed in our prayer and action. I want to extend that advice to saying let's open our eyes and ears and minds to engage with the culture we find ourselves in. And when we forget let's remind one another of the importance of doing so!

Right now back to planning that Easter Service for a Primary School.... but tonight I intend to drop everything to watch the new series of CSI!

Passion rekindled

Any long time readers of this blog will know that I am passionate about the need for creative dialogue between the Christians, Pagan's, New Ager's and anyone else truly interested in alternative or unusual spirituality's. I have been out teaching on this subject this evening after a break of about eighteen months. The break was not due to a lack of passion but a lack of time ( due to the demands of study).

I know that Ordained Ministry will demand many things of me, but I am utterly convinced that this part of my ministry must not be submerged completely because it gives me energy and it ignites my passion not only for dialogue but also for God!

This evenings presentation was to an ecumenical lent group in one of the nearby towns, instead of Bible Study for Lent they chose to ask different speakers to present their ministries to them, each one having a different focus on mission and outreach. The questions were in some ways predictable, but there was a real willingness to engage and to consider new opportunities for dialogue.

I am not sure quite how to hang onto the sense of call, but if this evening is anything to go by I know that the passion it stirs up in me has not diminished, and so I trust that God will make a way!

loved…………

 

I hear You say;

I love you.

I

LOVE

YOU,

but these are

the words my heart

refuses to hear,

for it is safer to remain

untouched and dull

than to open

and risk hurt, or

worse, rejection.

 

I

love

you;

YOU

Your words repeat,

returning

with the sunrise,

whispered at sunset,

written in rivers and on mountain tops,

heard in bird song,

and childrens laughter;

I

love

you.

I

LOVE

YOU.

 

My mind responds;

this is not

well thought out

theology,

must I respond to such

an emotional

phrase as this?

and how dare I

attribute it

to the Almighty?

 

But You

won't give up,

and Your message

returns

as I turn the page

of a dusty tome,

I

love

you

I

LOVE

YOU...

 

....and then the hurt whisper…

won't you respond???

 

 

How easy it is to hold God at arms length, to declare ourselves unworthy of his attention, fearing his embrace…

How easy it is to bury ourselves in theological pursuits/ studies, forgetting the relationship that brought us there…

How easy it is to forget that God is tender hearted….

 

I like this interpretation of the Return of the Prodigal by Aldo Saurini, I like the movement and joy that it expresses, it seems as if father and son are caught in a dance, the city is behind and a relationship is restored. So many of the portrayals are sombre and dark, this is full of life and light, reflecting God's love…

Stepping out of my own tradition....

I took a day off today to visit the Anglican Shrine at Little Walsingham, and to celebrate The Annunciation, by attending Mass there. I really appreciated the opportunity to do so; I enjoyed and was encouraged by the experience. The liturgy was familiar but the practices weren't, but having spoken to Max a friend and Franciscan Monk about the meaning of the incense and the various movements ( crossings, genuflections etc), it was good to be a part of something that engaged all of the senses in worship in a way that was so obviously both comfortable and full of meaning to many of those taking part.

I also appreciated the sermon from the Rt Revd Lindsay Urwin OGS, he spoke of the wonder of the humility of God whose humbling of himself to become a man, born of a woman was a sign of his generosity and grace, if we manage to be humble he reminded us it is because we should be humble, for true self knowledge would make us so. Not so with God, God has nothing to be humble about, and yet he chose to be so....

Revd Urwin and I would disagree theologically about many things ( including the ordination of women), but I suspect that we would agree about many others, and was heartened to find that he is not a man to dig his heels in and to declare himself in the right. He is instead committed to dialogue and to finding a way forward, his sister is an Ordained Minister, and in a comment to the Church Times he is quoted as saying:

"We have had hours and hours of conversations about this,” he says. “I end up by saying what we have to do as individuals and as a Church is to learn to love with disagreement.”

So I have had a good day, and have come away with food for thought,it was also really good to catch up with my friend Gary who is a Curate in Northamptonshire, we enjoyed a chat, a pint and a pub meal...

I drove home along the coast road stopping at Brancaster Staithe for a walk. All in all a very good day!

An unsuitable lover…

they say that

you are an unsuitable lover ,

but you turned my head,

and stole my heart

and now I cannot live without you…

you have challenged me

and changed me,

you've turned my world upside down

and demanded my attention

always…

asking me to see the world

anew through your eyes…

 

…and sometimes it hurts,

and sometimes I rebel,

but your love holds me fast

and I return again and again

to it's source, your heart….

 

in you I have lost and found myself

in you I am consumed and set free

 

if I escaped you

I would become nothing,

I would be empty

and so although you are

demanding,

all consuming,

and jealous

I choose you today

for in choosing you

I choose life…

 

I was driving out to lead a Mothering Sunday service yesterday wondering to myself what on earth I was doing, I felt that I had nothing to say, a navel gazing exercise over the last few days had raised questions about life and faith, questions about pain and commitment. I did not feel like worshipping, let alone leading others in worship.

As I often do I turned on the radio to catch the news as I drove out there, choosing Radio Norfolk over Radio 4 (it was that kind of morning); as I turned out of Downham Market and headed across the Fens Leone Lewis song Bleeding love came on, and for me it became a worship song. It reminded me of the way that God had awoken love in my heart at a time when I truly thought that I was incapable of love, and of how he has transformed my life.

Yes I have been through painful times, times when I have railed at heaven demanding an answer, and God's answer has always been love, he has never rejected me even though I have at times rejected him; acceptance has opened my heart afresh over and over again… and yes I may bear the scars of a hard won faith but they serve as reminders of love and not of pain…

I can't even identify why I felt as I did when I set out to preach yesterday, but I do know this, through a secular song about an unsuitable lover played on Radio Norfolk yesterday God reminded me of his love for me, and dare I say that that love bled into the service and the sermon, just as surely as it filled my life afresh!