Eternal Echoes

End of year musings.... personal

It seems right to spend a little time reflecting on the past year, but as I do so I realise that many of last years resolutions lay cast aside, and many of my frustrations with myself remain the same! I am totally unable to transform myself, I know this, but I wonder whether I have given any space to the Holy Spirit at all, or whether I am simply too good at wearing masks and erecting barriers to her presence. In this I embody the hypocrisy that I hate so much!

Have I changed?

I suspect I have but I am too close to myself to be able to see it; I dread being a hypocrite, and long to be a person of grace...

Next year will bring many changes; my three youngest children will enter their final year of their Bachelors degrees, we will move in August to my first appointment as a Methodist Minister, and yet so much feels incomplete.

I feel unable and ill equipped to make a list of resolutions, or even an attempt at vague wishing; I can't even say that I will simply place myself into God's hands, for although it sounds an easy thing to do I know that it is far from easy!

And so if I am going to do anything I think that it will simply be to take 2009 one step at a time. I want to become more open to the Spirits work in my life, but to make a resolution to do (be) so is beyond me... I find myself echoing Paul:

"I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

 

and so like Paul I wait and watch;

 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

And through the waiting and watching I must acknowledge that God's work in me is Her work and not mine, my participation in this God-life is not compliant, door-mat like submission, but rather an acknowledgment that I cannot do it, and a desire to allow her to work within me. For this I can take no more than one day, perhaps one moment at a time.

For today this is my prayer....

Here am I Holy Spirit, here am I....

reflections

reflections
Originally uploaded by Sallys journey.

Winter sunset

Snettisham Beach 039
Originally uploaded by Sallys journey.

These were taken on our way home from the beach this evening, the sunset took on an eerie beauty.

A prayer for grace….

I need to live

deeply

immersed

in you,

held

surrounded

submerged, and

lifted, for

without grace

my life

is a pale shadow,

a dim

reflection

of what could be..

 

Come Holy Spirit,

come life giver,

come grace bearer,

fill me,

surround me,

overwhelm me.

 

Come Holy Spirit,

come life giver,

come grace bearer,

my cry is

called forth

by your love.

 

Come

surround me,

submerge me,

lift me, and

transform me,

come,

come quickly

come

 

do you wait?

is there

an off season

of

the spirit?

 

can we miss you?

 

will you pass us by?

 

or do you wait,

silently

for us

to catch your

call?

 

Grace 2& 3

She comes as

the pale winter sun

warming my branches,

reminding me

of springs'

surging life;

full

abundant,

and free

 

for now I rest,

safe in the

knowledge that

I will be

woken

again,

 

such is God's grace,

her seasons

ordered

that I

might

live

life

to

the

full!

 

In her I

live

and move

and

have

my being!

 

 

For

season by

season,

I am shaped

and moulded

by her;

I become

her design

rather than a

product

of my own

imagination,

she bends me

and bows me

to her will,

and I become a

picture

of

the unforced

rhythms

of grace!

 

 

"Walk with me and work with me…

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.

Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

(Matthew 11: 29-30; The Message)

 

Both photos by Dave Perry, thanks for the inspiration Dave!

 

 

 

Grace 1

Between and beneath

the Christmas trimmings

grace runs deep,

she calls a

timeless beauty

to be realised

and released…

 

flowing

quietly,

and gently

she nourishes

my soul

and lifts my heart

to a deeper

celebration

of life

and truth

 

and in her presence

even the baubles

take on

a new meaning!

 

I wrote this poem as a response to Dave Perry's photo, and evocative quote: "Grace is like……putting lights and decorations on a bare Christmas tree"

 

 

The Word gave life to everything that was created,[a] and his life brought light to everyone. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.

Re-visiting

Tim and I went with our eldest daughter Emma and her boyfriend Ralph across the county the Church where Ralph's mum is the Presbyter today. Ann is Stationed in the village that I came to live in as a young teenager after my own families return to the UK from Singapore and Malaysia.

It was a bit of an odd blast from the past for me, as the familiar scenery unfolded on the way over, my grandparents also lived in this area, and yet it left me unmoved. I have no fond memories of the area, and no attachment to it.

I lived in the Deepings at a time when my father's alcoholism became severely out of control, and my mother was trying vainly to keep up appearances of normality. This is the closest I have lived to my extended family who all live in and around Peterborough; having been brought up in the Far East I did not know my cousins, aunts and uncles, and several family tragedies have meant that no relationships have ever been built... and this makes me sad, but leaves me with no direction for reconciliation for there is no-one to be reconciled to.

Tim and I did attend the Service at the Deepings today though, with Emma and Ralph, Ann and Mike (Ralph's parents), Sally and Paul (Ralph's sister and her boyfriend);it was good to take part in a positive worship service, and through it I experienced a sense of healing and closure.

It was also a reminder to both Tim and I that I will recieve news of my stationing as a Probationary Minister in just two weeks time, I am both looking forward to and dreading hearing the news... in God we trust however, and that is something I learnt long after I left the Deepings as a child.... and yet I believe that seeds were sown all along the way! It was at Deeping St James School that I aquired a love of hymns, my school hymn book was my greatest treasure, and became a real source of comfort in a sea of confusion! Perhaps Methodism wasin my blood after all, for my faith was in some ways "Born in Song".

...and so in song I will respond:

Straight ways, roads, and drainage dykes on the Norfolk and Lincolnshire Fens

Norfolk Fens
Originally uploaded by Sallys journey.

...on grace...

First for those who wonder why  (having said I was taking a break)I am blogging ( in words) before New Year, I say only that I need to think aloud....

.

When we were walking the other day Tim mentioned that he felt we needed family at Christmas in order to experience true peace... with a house full of people, family, other halves and friends I have to say that Tim is right...

.

Christmas Holidays highlight relationships and relational tensions, we have a family of young adults, they are used to living independent lives, and we have become accustomed to living our lives without constant reference to their needs as we once did. When the Christmas break throws us together we experience joy in one another's company, but also the frustrations and tensions that being together brings... we learn afresh the art of give and take, of flexibility, and perhaps most importantly of grace....

.

Grace calls us to see perfectionism as a mask, and real love as a calling; love, to bear with one another and to celebrate one another...

.

Grace is hard, and grace is costly...

.

Grace calls us beyond ourselves.....

.

I thank God for my family, for the messy floors and the cluttered tables, my house is a home and not a Good Living or Grand Designs advert.....

.

My family does not wear masks, we have rubbed up against one another and created friction... but a hug and the words "pray for me" carry more weight that false civility....

.

.. and yet I must pray.....Pour out your grace Lord, let me experience your grace....