Today I found myself back at the Drs surgery, over the last few weeks stresses have been building at from all directions, the pressure of work, of study and of home life have all become heavier as December progressed, and slowly but surely I have found myself sinking. The Dr has changed my depression meds, and told me to try to seek some form of respite ( I should have offered him my assignment to complete!). As I ponder stuff however I realise that quite often I am my worst enemy!
I wish I could shed bad habits like a skin, but I know that is not possible! As the New Year looms and we find ourselves making resolutions, I wonder how many of us are serious about changing, and what the cost of that changing might be?
I wish that change was instantaneous, but I know it isn't loosing weight means dieting and exercise, being more organised means taking time out to plan, growing closer to God means being with God, listening, praying, reading and simply being.
I want to see all of these changes in my life in 2008; I don't want to be a quitter, to end up feeling as if I have failed once again. Partly I will have to deal with my own fears of failure, and partly I will need to learn to trust in the Holy Spirit, to allow her life giving power to flood my life, and to fill my soul, I want to know what it is to live and move and have my being in God, in God's plan and purpose- not to seek for spiritual highs- but to really live differently, to change, to become more filled with the love of Christ, swimming in the breadth, length and depths of that love...
This is my desire O lord, this is my desire.
May God bless and keep you through the whole of 2008!
Happy New Year!!!