Eternal Echoes

2007- revisited....

I began 2007 in struggling with depression and in an introspective mood...and yet somehow I knew that I was not lost- the grace of God prevailed.

February brought a 25th Wedding anniversary- yes Tim and I have been married that long!

March and good news for me was dampened by bad news for a friend.

April a visit from fellow revgal Lorna.

May and the letter said; "We are very happy to tell you that the Ministerial Candidates Selection Committee has decided to recommend your acceptance for pre-ordination training for presbyteral ministry in the Methodist Church"

June and my "babies" left school!!!

July brought a series of stunning sunsets.

August changes began...

September changes continued.... as Chris, Jo and Jon left home...

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October and somehow this photograph captured the mood.

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November was filled with reflections from my MA classes.

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December was a reminder that sadness and celebration go hand in hand.

                                           

This is my desire for 2008

Today I found myself back at the Drs surgery, over the last few weeks stresses have been building at from all directions, the pressure of work, of study and of home life have all become heavier as December progressed, and slowly but surely I have found myself sinking. The Dr has changed my depression meds, and told me to try to seek some form of respite ( I should have offered him my assignment to complete!). As I ponder stuff however I realise that quite often I am my worst enemy!

I wish I could shed bad habits like a skin, but I know that is not possible! As the New Year looms and we find ourselves making resolutions, I wonder how many of us are serious about changing, and what the cost of that changing might be?

I wish that change was instantaneous, but I know it isn't loosing weight means dieting and exercise, being more organised means taking time out to plan, growing closer to God means being with God, listening, praying, reading and simply being.

I want to see all of these changes in my life in 2008; I don't want to be a quitter, to end up feeling as if I have failed once again. Partly I will have to deal with my own fears of failure, and partly I will need to learn to trust in the Holy Spirit, to allow her life giving power to flood my life, and to fill my soul, I want to know what it is to live and move and have my being in God, in God's plan and purpose- not to seek for spiritual highs- but to really live differently, to change, to become more filled with the love of Christ, swimming in the breadth, length and depths of that love...

This is my desire O lord, this is my desire.

                   May God bless and keep you through the whole of 2008!

                                             Happy New Year!!!

                                     

Visiting

Maylandsea 002
Originally uploaded by Sallys journey.

I drove down to Essex today with Emma, Ralph, Jo and Dave to visit my parents and in-laws.

We visited Maylandsea first, and stayed for a wonderful seafood lunch and a walk before travelling on to West Mersea. Both towns are on the Blackwater estuary, and although only a few miles apart, because of the river a 30 mile trip is necessary to get from one to the other!

The photographs here are of Maylandsea, It was flat calm, and the reflections were magical. I have memories of swimming in this part of the river every summer, we still do when we visit.

More on flickr

Benazir Bhutto

                                     

How interesting that the Scriptures tomorrow concern the slaughter of the innocents....

Wind

windy walk
Originally uploaded by Sallys journey.

It was so windy as we walked the beach today it was as if we were fighting against an invisible force just to make progress!

It was also beautiful, and a welcome break from the books!

No good news...

This angel

Brought no good news,

No messages of comfort,

No heavenly choir.

He came in a dream

Bringing a warning,

An instruction to flee.

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But not to all,

Only to one.

And so he fled

With his family.

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And the others,

The innocents

Were left

To their fate.

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Print by Sado Wantabe

An Auld Lang Syne - Friday 5

Singing Owl over at revgals says:

It is hard to believe, but 2007 is about to be history, and this is our last Friday Five of the year.

With that in mind, share five memorable moments of 2007. These can be happy or sad, profound or silly, good or bad but things that you will remember.

Bonus points for telling us of a "God sighting"-- a moment when the light came through the darkness, a word was spoken, a song sung, laughter rang out, a sermon spoke to you in a new way--whatever you choose, but a moment in 2007 when you sensed Emmanuel, God with us. Or more particularly, you.

Actually Singing Owl I'd like to share a few defining moments, 2007 was full of God sightings! Lights in the darkness indeed!

1. I entered into 2007 struggling with depression, with weeks signed off work I started to do some "me" things, one of those was to visit the Shrines at Walsingham. At the Anglican Shrine there is a modern representation of the Stations of the Cross, I walked these in February, with snow swirling around me- it was bitterly cold, but I found myself at a never to be forgotten turning point.

2.Meeting both Lorna and Laura- fellow revgals ( poor Laura came at a particularly mad time in our family life!). I hope to meet them both again.

3. Dropping Chris, Jo and Jon at Uni and experiencing a household of two for the first time in 25 years. Strange but good!

(Chris is the one in the checked shirt)

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4. This may sound mad to those who have been wearing them for years, but wearing a clerical collar for the first time to take a big funeral this summer; it simply felt right- which is a bit scary!

I have just received some lovely fitted shirts from Cross Designs, so I'm getting used to wearing them now!

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5.When life becomes stressful and crazy I find God at the beach- in the wind and tide and rhythms, in the cry of the birds and the salt in air. I prefer to walk alone, and prefer the winter when the emptiness allows me to catch God's still small voice.

Bonus- learning the deep grace of letting go- for all will be well:

Hannah's balloons:

Full story here , here and here

Thank you Singing Owl- and  back to the assignment writing 4,000 words to go...

On the challenge of loving myself- 2 New Years Resolutions.

Why is it so hard to follow Jesus commandment to love ourselves? If we loved our neighbours as we love ourselves sometime they would probably wonder what on earth they had done to offend us! I think this is possibly particularly the case for mothers who fall prey to endless cycles of guilt and so the spiral goes down.

Yesterday started well, we enjoyed time together as a family, ate lunch and went for a walk- but by the end of the evening it had deteriorated into a mutual insult match the as pressures of living at such close quarters with one another at such an intense time took their toll. This morning I think we were all rather ashamed of ourselves!

My problem is that I play the martyr, and build up resentments, and somehow choose to vent them at inappropriate moments! There are times when a little self-care towards myself, and an insistence that everyone chip in a little more with the housework etc ( doing the things that would really help, rather than the things they don't mind doing) should be the way to go- but again and again it isn't the way I choose.

Love yourself- I can hear Jesus words running through my mind- and then I look into the mirror and turn away, it is such a hard thing to do, to really do- to love myself does not mean to indulge my cravings or to throw myself into retail therapy- to love myself means to care for and nurture myself in body mind and soul. To get out for that walk, to meditate, to eat sensibly, to listen to that piece of music, to order my life in such a way that interruptions and crises are not the straw that breaks the camels back.

Perhaps the greatest tool in the self-care tool box is one little word; NO! NO, I cannot do that now, no I don't have any spare time, no I cannot afford that right now....NO, No, no....

Saying no with grace when we need to releases us to say yes with more commitment and energy and enthusiasm!

I don't normally make New Years resolutions, but I think that this year I will make to:

1. To learn to love myself in healthy ways!

2. To learn to say no with grace.

               

Boxing day walk

Boxing day walk 034
Originally uploaded by Sallys journey.

We walked on Holme Beach yesterday, it was cold but beautiful!

More on Flickr.

Just one question though, why is it that family gatherings may start well, but have the horrible way of bringing out the worst in everyone, including me?

Peace, blessings and joy....

At the end of a long and frustrating day, God stepped in..... Happy Christmas to everyone, may you know joy and peace...