In her book Praying like a Woman, Nicola Slee reminds us that womens' voices were often silenced and excluded... she reminds us that to see the full picture we need to hear them...
Looking at the prodigals story she tells of how the mothers arms were also aching to hold her son to welcome him home; "Yet the text remains closed to her grieving and her groping, stubbornly refuses the breaking open of a mothers heart"
I have atempted to tell the Mother's story here, in the hope that it grants us a glimpse into the Mother Heart of God:
When you read the story, you'll think I didn't exist, perhaps I'd died in childbirth, or later tragically taken by a mystery illness... but no I was there all along...watching and praying
I watched my two boys grow, Samuel the older one always serious, always keen to learn, imitating his father in everything he did, he grew up too fast, he never seemed interested in play.... and as I watched I worried about him, there seemed to be no joy in his life. On the other hand Aharon, my youngest, well he knew nothing but play, he would get into all sorts of scrapes, and mischief making delighted him...he took no care in his lessons, always watching for the end of the day when he could run and play again....and as I watched I worried about him, he was a wild one in every way....
... I scolded them and offered my advice of course, what good mother wouldn't, they were always well fed and clothed, money wasn't a problem for us, my dear husband Maor saw that we were always well provided for... if anything he was too indulgent with the boys, especially Aharon who was always asking for something new to amuse himself with....
Now Samuel always seemed a contented child, he was happy working side by side with his father, but it was clear that Aharon irritated him, as they grew that irritation turned to a simmering rage, always just below the surface, controlled but there all the same.... he worried me, yet I knew that all I could do was watch and pray that one day he would let go of that rage, and find real peace and true contentment.
As for Aharon, he grew wilder by the day, my scolding just seemed to fall on deaf ears, as a young man he became arrogant and wilful, preferring to party with his friends rather than work... he worried me, yet I knew that all I could do was to watch and to pray that one day his wild ways would end and that he would grow into a fine responsible man.
For years I watched and prayed like this, always hoping that in my home there would be a reconciliation between the brothers, watching and praying can be hard on a mothers heart...
Then one day Maor came in with news that turned my world upside down; "What do you think?" he asked; "Aharon has asked for his inheritance, he wants to leave to make his own life in the city."
I was shocked at the audacity of my youngest, how dare he insult his father like this- I said as much of course, but Maor just shrugged, "well" he said "I have decided to give it to him, who knows it may be the making of him; he will have to be responsible for his own needs, no longer looking to me."
There was a quiet wisdom in Maor's words, I recognised this so didn't answer, but there was also pain in his voice, and sadness in his eyes... as for my my heart felt as if someone had ripped it in two... would we ever see Aharon again I wondered....
Well Maor took a few days to gather Aharon's inheritance together, during that time Aharon sulked around the house, impatient to get going....Samuel stayed away, his rage at near boiling point, furious with Aharon, with Maor, and with me...
Well the day came for Aharon to leave, he was so excited, greedily taking his inheritance from his fathers hands with hardly a word of thanks... rushing to get away I received no hug, no reassuring words about seeing him again soon, just a hasty peck on the cheek and he was gone.....
Maor walked with him to the edge of our lands, and stood there all day watching, long after Aharon had disappeared over the horizon.... I understood then that his heart like mine was breaking.
From that day we watched and prayed together... every morning and every evening Maor would walk to the edge of our land eyes scanning the horizon....but always nothing.
Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months, Samuel seemed more content now- his foolish brother gone, he could work in peace by his fathers side with no interruptions...
... but nothing eased my heartache, we heard that Aharon was living a wild life, parties every night... lots of friends...yet I worried about him, I worried and watched and prayed....
Every morning and every evening Maor would walk to the edge of our land, a sadness seemed to follow him everywhere, he didn't sing as he worked anymore...
No word came from Aharon, even when we received the news that he had left the city, that he was searching for work...
Still we watched and waited, my days became a prayer for his return, my heart always open always ready .... my arms aching to embrace my wayward son...
Samuel was aware of our watching, and as time went by the simmering rage returned, "forget about him" he counselled us, " he is selfish and greedy and stupid, he cares for no one but himself."
everyday seemed the same...time went on...
And then, one day, it was late, the sun had set, and it seemed Maor had waited longer than usual at the edge of our land....I hear a commotion outside, yelling and crying and laughter, Maor was laughing... I ran outside to find out what was happening...
There was Aharon, dirty, thin, wearing torn and tattered clothing, but it was Aharon, he was home..... my heart leapt, and I ran to embrace him, to hold him in my arms....
Servants were scurrying everywhere, Maor was giving orders for a party, orders for fresh clothing to be brought a bath prepared...a fatted calf to be killed- we were going to have a feast...
...I stepped back to look at Aharon, and all at once I knew my prayers had been answered, yet not in the way I'd have chosen... he had learnt the hard way, but he was changed, and even better than that he had come home....
Samuel returned from his work, he had been out checking the crops..... he looked in wonder at what was going on, and all at once his rage exploded through his usually quiet exterior...
He yelled and screamed, and stamped.... "why the celebration? This stupid good for nothing gets a party.... I have never had a party... all my hard work... I am never celebrated.." His rage turned to hot tears, and he turned and ran...
Maor went after him...he caught him up, and took this angry young man into his arms... "Son" he said quietly... "you never asked... all of this is yours"....
I found them behind the barn, and for the first time in a long time held my eldest in my arms... he was sobbing like a child, his rage ebbing away...
Aharon appeared, bathed and clothed for the party....
Was reconciliation possible, now that both of my sons had come home...
... as for me, I will continue to watch and pray...
Does this glimpse into a mother's heart grant us a glimpse into the mother heart of God. I hope that it does, I hope that it shows us a love that never lets us go, a love that watches and waits, and always wants the best for us...yet a love that does not deny us freedom. It is a forgiving love, always ready to embrace us, to take delight in us....we are loved by a God who never lets us go, there is nowhere we can escape from love's presence whether we acknowledge it or not!
