Following my post for the syncro blog on Prayer as an altered state of consciousness, it seems right not just to talk about it but to tell a story of my experiences;
I had been away from home for a week with an Evangelistic Mission team, we had been invited by the local church to come and work alongside them for a week, during this week I talked to many people about the love God had for them, the wonder of the cross, and how God comes close and even dwells within us through the Holy Spirit.... all this was knowledge I held in my head, it had never seeped into my heart, for I considered myself unworthy.
At the end of the week, there was a healing service, and I was asked to be a part of the team praying for healing- now I firmly believe that God heals- I had seen it in Christopher's life, and so I agreed. I was not prepared for what came next, as we prayed for people I felt ( truly felt) filled with God's love for them, it was real and powerful and full of energy, it ran through my whole body as if it were being poured through me, and I was shocked by the intensity of it, when we laid hands on folk it was as if we were pouring that love into them and many received healing, physical, mental and emotional that evening...
At the end of the evening I realised that this love and energy that God had poured into these other people she also desired to pour through me, as I opened myself to the possibility of that love all my objections about unworthiness were swept away... and I started to laugh and cry all at once...
Over the next few weeks that joy kept returning in waves.... one day after dropping the twins at school I decided to walk around Tollesbury sea wall- it was a grey and misty day, but I needed to walk, as I stepped onto the wall it was like stepping into another dimension, although I could see the path and was aware of familiar surroundings I was also aware of so much more, the earth and sky seemed filled with God- the spiritual realms were real, and there were angels everywhere...this experience lasted about 10 minutes, it is something I will never forget... and yet until now I have been reticent to talk/ write about it.
Since that time my family has undergone many changes, and there have been times when I have struggled to remain open to God,indeed I have withdrawn and even been angry... ( though I suspect that is a part of my journey and formation too)!This has been noticeable more especially over the last few years ( interestingly as I have begun working for a church and training for Methodist Ministry), which has been particularly tough. During the last few months I have been forced to slow down having been signed off work due to depression I have sensed that call from God again to go deeper, to take what I have learnt through the study of theology and through ministry and once again to enter the deep place where God transforms and fills us..... songs turn to tongues again, and I am aware of God's presence around and within me.... my picture of Her/ Him is much bigger than it was 16 years ago when I first experienced being filled with love, and knowing it was also for me, at that point I was prone to excluding people from entering into it for various dodgy theological reasons.... I turned away from it because I felt it excluded too many..... but now I am coming to realise the inclusiveness of that love, even for Christians who in the words of Bono:" ..... are hard to tolerate; I don't know how Jesus does it."
For another view-point on the extraordinary sense that God's hand is upon you go and read Mike Bursell's post here.
