Yesterday I experienced what I can only refer to as a deep healing- something in my spirit changed and I feel at peace with myself and with God for the first time in a long time!
I cannot fully explain it but want to record it; I know that two people prayed for me specifically yesterday Mother Laura celebrated the Eucharist for Sarah and I , Sarah is my daughter in heaven- it was her birthday yesterday.
She left me this comment on yesterdays post which warmed my heart:
Beautiful post, Sally, and so fitting for the (completely inclusive, of course) mass I just celebrated for you and your sweet Sarah. It is the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes and the first reading is the Isaiah 66 image of God as nursing mother--how cool is that?
The second person was a Christian friend who prays with Auras ,(I will explain further another time!) she had been reminded of how I had prayed for her when she needed healing and came to pray for me- we talked for a time and then she prayed for me, as she prayed I felt a sense of deep peace roll over me and fill me- it was as if God was enfolding and holding me and assuring me that the path I am on is OK!
This was significant for me (see yesterdays post) for I have been on a journey of discovery, not of throwing out old images and beliefs about God as Father, but expanding the image to see God also as mother- and that I am fully made in Her image.
This morning I returned to a passage of Scripture that some one had personalised for me a long time ago:
Isaiah 62:1-5 Your New Name
For your sake I will not remain silent, I cannot be quiet,
until your vindication shines out like the dawn,
Your salvation like a blazing torch.
Your vindication will be seen by all
And your life will shine gloriously,
You will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow
You will be a crown of splendour in the Lords hand
A royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No longer will they call you deserted,
Or name you desolate
But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight)
And your land Beulah (married)
For the Lord will take delight in you,
…..and your God will rejoice over you …
At the time I was given this I turned it away, feeling that God could never think that way about me- that I had too many faults and flaws, what I failed to see was that it was a promise of deep healing- not where I would be required to heal myself, but where God would and is working in my life to bring about wholeness, in that way the promise is there for anyone who is open to receive that healing- for God truly delights in us, cherishes us and wants the best for us.... and sometimes that can be hard to receive because we feel unworthy, and not as we should be.
But here is the thing that we miss; God created us she knit us together in our mothers wombs;
Psalm 139:13
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
he had us all planned out before the beginning of the world-
Psalm 139:16-17
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
and whatever faults and flaws we see in ourselves are turned to opportunities for grace in God's hands.
2 Cor. 12:9
....and then God told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
The lie we hear is that we are not good enough- we tell it to ourselves and we allow the world around us to repeat it through every means possible, and that does not even take into account that there is a spiritual battle for our souls.... so we hide ourselves away and try to work hard at making ourselves good- but God patiently waits for us to hide our lives in His/Her love, to receive and accept it through Christ who gave everything- his very life breath to set us free....
I need Christs strength moving in my weakness, to receive it I need to acknowledge my own need of Gods love, and healing and grace...
JUST AS I AM, without one plea
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bid’st me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come.
.
Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee, whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come.
.
Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come.
.
Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come.
.
Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve,
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come.
.
Just as I am, Thy love unknown
Has broken every barrier down;
Now to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come.
.
Just as I am, of that free love
The breadth, length, depth and height to prove,
Here for a season, then above,
O Lamb of God, I come.
I am not claiming to be free from depression, a lunchtime meeting really proved that to be the case...but I do sense that I have turned a corner, and am still taking it one step at a time, but some of those steps yesterday were healing steps, and for that I am thankful...
