Eternal Echoes

Christmas Eve

It does not feel like Christmas Eve- I woke late, having taken a sleeping tablet last night (the Dr reckoned a few nights sleep might help) - I slept for 11 hours; much better than the 3-4 hours I have been sleeping recently; but because of that I didn't get to Church this morning- Tim bravely led two services, having taken mine on as well as his and did as mad dash from one to the other!

Jo and I made French Onion Soup- a family favourite- we will sit down to a meal together tonight- Emma is away at her boyfriends house- we may or may not see her today!

After lunch I threw myself out for a walk and feel a bit better for the exercise... I hope to get to the midnight service but am playing things by ear.... right now I feel as if I am operating through a fog ( probably the after effects of the sleeping tablet), and fighting off feelings of guilt for not leading/ preaching this morning alongside other guilt trips about not having dealt with this sooner...

....but I'm taking the advice of the many kind folk who have commented/ e-mailed me and am trying not to beat myself up too much. If that includes you thank you, your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated...

I do need to find a way to pray- and hopefully get back to reading my Bible as if it means something- recently the words have simply run together- even music isn't helping... but again I guess that comes in the category of saying I should and I ought to... and I have instructions to drop those words from my vocabulary...

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don't make a fist no
Take this mouth
So quick to criticise
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break -   U2 Yahweh

The last straw....

I'm feeling really vulnerable right now, having woken this morning with the knowledge that the depression I have been battling with over the last few months is simply not going to go away, in fact the more I've tried to push it away, or call it something else, the worse it has become!

So today with my usual impeccable timing (only I could pick a few days before Christmas to acknowledge a problem!) I called the Dr's surgery and made an emergency appointment.... now I know that one particular friend will probably want to throw a bucket of at me ... but will also understand!

Living with constant and serious amounts of stress has caused the chemicals in my brain to become unbalanced, feelings of despair greet every morning, I have until the last week been able to drag myself into the day to function relatively normally at a surface level...

...although I should have begun to twig that something was wrong when I could read and then forget the contents of an entire chapter... when assignments have meandered all over the place ( not a usual trait of academic writing from me even though blogging can be weird!)

....when I had no desire or passion to preach or pray or lead worship.... no enthusiasm for talking to people, or schools work...when spending time with my family has become more of a burden than a pleasure (along with all the accompanying guilt) ...

... and I begin to wonder how I have reached a place where nothing excites or inspires me...

It is funny how it is easier to accept failure that depression, easier to say I'm stupid than I simply can't cope...

... and for me Christmas preparations were the last straw, I love lights, and enjoy decorating, and cooking and choosing presents for friends and family... well I did, but this year it has all been too much, so much so that as December has crept onwards I have felt worse and worse...

....yesterday one request followed another and I enough was enough,there is only so much an already overloaded brain can take...

... on the bright side the only way from here is up, it will take a couple of weeks for the medication to take effect, but just acknowledging depression as an actual condition, and knowing ( although I did know) that I am not responsible for this emotional roller-coaster, helps!

.. why is it hard for Christan's to admit they suffer from depression? Why do we try hard to portray near perfect lives...feeling as if somehow we have let God down, or that we might be asked questions we cannot answer....I once heard a sermon which took the acronym for S.A.D.- Seasonal Affective Disorder saying that with Jesus we cannot be Sad! Nonsense... sheer nonsense!

LIKE A CANDLE FLAME,

Flickering small in our darkness.

Uncreated light

Shines through infant eyes.

.

God is with us, alleluia.

God is with us, alleluia.

Come to save us, alleluia.

Come to save us,

Alleluia!

.

Stars and angels sing,

Yet the earth sleeps in shadows;

Can this tiny spark

Set a world on fire?

.

Yet His light shall shine

From our lives, Spirit blazing,

As we touch the flame

Of His holy fire.

Christ compels us....

A Christmas message from Moby...

Christ compels us to be better than we usually are.
Christ compels us to forgive those who've wronged us.
Christ compels us to love our enemies.
Christ compels us to be humble and non-judgemental.
Christ compels us to care for the neediest.
Christ compels us to be non-violent.
Christ compels us to recognise that the material world and all of our possessions will ultimately turn into dust, so we shouldn't get too attached to our bodies, our lives, and our stuff.
and, most importantly(in many ways), Christ compels us to love one another and look after one another, and to see all people as our own family.

Read more here...

Hat tip to Jonny Baker

Edited to add...now read it again with the words Christ's love compels us.... when we receive that love we find ourselves compelled, Jesus does not ask us to act out of our own resources but his....

His love compels us, and he wants to pour his love into our hearts ... loves presence known by the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us.... are we open? Do we respond to that love???

Festive Foods Friday Five

In an effort to enter into the spirit of the season I am playing Friday Five....

Well friends, we've covered advent, music, and movies/TV--but we here at F5 HQ would be remiss if we did not acknowledge that quintessential holiday topic... fooooooooood.

1. Favourite cookie/candy/baked good without which, it's just not Christmas.

If I dare to say mince pies I will probably be lynched by half of the British public who by now are stuffed with these wonderful things...... but I love mince pies

2. Do you do a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, both, or neither? (Optional: with whom will you gather around the table this year?)

Yes and yes, we usually have a Gammon roast on Christmas Eve before walking to  to Mid-night mass together... then obligatory Roast turkey on Christmas day.This year it will be a relatively small family gathering...

3. Evaluate one or more of the holiday beverage trifecta: hot chocolate, wassail, egg nog.

Hot chocolate with marshmallows after a long walk- highly recommended- add whipped cream and it gets better- add a dash of brandy and now you're talking!

4. Candy canes: do you like all the new-fangled flavors or are you a peppermint purist?

Not too keen on candy canes, but would pick cinnamon over anything else!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

Well friends, we've covered advent, music, and movies/TV--but we here at F5 HQ would be remiss if we did not acknowledge that quintessential holiday topic... fooooooooood.

1. Favourite cookie/candy/baked good without which, it's just not Christmas.

If I dare to say mince pies I will probably be lynched by half of the British public who by now are stuffed with these wonderful things...... but I love mince pies

2. Do you do a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, both, or neither? (Optional: with whom will you gather around the table this year?)

Yes and yes, we usually have a Gammon roast on Christmas Eve before walking to  to Mid-night mass together... then obligatory Roast turkey on Christmas day.This year it will be a relatively small family gathering...

3. Evaluate one or more of the holiday beverage trifecta: hot chocolate, wassail, egg nog.

Hot chocolate with marshmallows after a long walk- highly recommended- add whipped cream and it gets better- add a dash of brandy and now you're talking!

4. Candy canes: do you like all the new-fangled flavors or are you a peppermint purist?

Not too keen on candy canes, but would pick cinnamon over anything else!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

Well friends, we've covered advent, music, and movies/TV--but we here at F5 HQ would be remiss if we did not acknowledge that quintessential holiday topic... fooooooooood.

1. Favourite cookie/candy/baked good without which, it's just not Christmas.

If I dare to say mince pies I will probably be lynched by half of the British public who by now are stuffed with these wonderful things...... but I love mince pies

2. Do you do a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, both, or neither? (Optional: with whom will you gather around the table this year?)

Yes and yes, we usually have a Gammon roast on Christmas Eve before walking to  to Mid-night mass together... then obligatory Roast turkey on Christmas day.This year it will be a relatively small family gathering...

3. Evaluate one or more of the holiday beverage trifecta: hot chocolate, wassail, egg nog.

Hot chocolate with marshmallows after a long walk- highly recommended- add whipped cream and it gets better- add a dash of brandy and now you're talking!

4. Candy canes: do you like all the new-fangled flavors or are you a peppermint purist?

Not too keen on candy canes, but would pick cinnamon over anything else!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

If I dare to say mince pies I will probably be lynched by half of the British public who by now are stuffed with these wonderful things...... but I love mince pies

2. Do you do a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, both, or neither? (Optional: with whom will you gather around the table this year?)

Yes and yes, we usually have a Gammon roast on Christmas Eve before walking to  to Mid-night mass together... then obligatory Roast turkey on Christmas day.This year it will be a relatively small family gathering...

3. Evaluate one or more of the holiday beverage trifecta: hot chocolate, wassail, egg nog.

Hot chocolate with marshmallows after a long walk- highly recommended- add whipped cream and it gets better- add a dash of brandy and now you're talking!

4. Candy canes: do you like all the new-fangled flavors or are you a peppermint purist?

Not too keen on candy canes, but would pick cinnamon over anything else!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

Yes and yes, we usually have a Gammon roast on Christmas Eve before walking to  to Mid-night mass together... then obligatory Roast turkey on Christmas day.This year it will be a relatively small family gathering...

3. Evaluate one or more of the holiday beverage trifecta: hot chocolate, wassail, egg nog.

Hot chocolate with marshmallows after a long walk- highly recommended- add whipped cream and it gets better- add a dash of brandy and now you're talking!

4. Candy canes: do you like all the new-fangled flavors or are you a peppermint purist?

Not too keen on candy canes, but would pick cinnamon over anything else!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

Hot chocolate with marshmallows after a long walk- highly recommended- add whipped cream and it gets better- add a dash of brandy and now you're talking!

4. Candy canes: do you like all the new-fangled flavors or are you a peppermint purist?

Not too keen on candy canes, but would pick cinnamon over anything else!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

Not too keen on candy canes, but would pick cinnamon over anything else!

5. Have you ever actually had figgy pudding? And is it really so good that people will refuse to leave until they are served it?

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

Yes Figgy pudding is a traditional British Christmas pudding!

Recipe as follows:

Serves 4

300ml (½ pint) Milk
225g (8oz) Flour
175g (6oz) Dried Figs
150ml (¼ pint) Brandy
110g (4oz) Suet
110g (4oz) Prunes
85g (3oz) Raisins or Sultanas
50g (2oz) Dried Apricots
50g (2oz) Dates
25g (1oz) Dried Apples
1 tbsp Honey
¼ tsp Ginger
¼ tsp Cinnamon

On the day before making the pudding, place the dried apricots, prunes and apples to soak in water and place the raisins or sultanas to soak in the brandy.
Remove the stones from of the dates and prunes.
Butter a large pudding basin.
Sift flour into a bowl.
Stir in suet and mix to a fairly soft dough with cold water.
Turn out on to a floured surface.
Lightly knead until smooth.
Roll out two-thirds of pastry into a round and use to line a well-greased 2-pint pudding basin.
Melt the honey and stir in the ginger and cinnamon.
Add to the soaked fruits and brandy mixture.
Mix well and place into the pastry lined bowl.
Moisten edges of pastry with water.
Cover with lid, rolled from remainder of the pastry.
Press edges well together to seal.
Cover securely with greased greaseproof paper or aluminium foil.
Steam steadily for 2 hours.
Ensure that the water does not evaporate, topping it up from time to time with boiling water.
Turn out onto a plate and serve.

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

And yes it is worth refusing to leave for!!!!!

Busy....

Life has been busy over the last week, not only with a very hectic run up to Christmas but also with trying hard to polish off assignments for ERMC.... on that score I am not winning the battle.

My house has been full with the children and friends back from University, Emma is staying with us as she  prepares to move up to Newcastle- so add to the madness boxes, 2 cello's a violin, another computer ( there are already 6 in the house!) etc, etc..... Emma has been a star though and taken on all of the Christmas baking, including making hand made sweets for friends and family!

Last night we had Christopher's belated 21st birthday celebrations- he wanted to wait until all of his friends were home- Mexican food, good music and beer- Tim, Emma, her boyfriend Ralph, and I took refuge in The Chequers- where we ended up staying later than planned as Ralph and Mick ( the Landlord) had a jam session! We also played darts- a word of warning to anyone daft enough to take me on- get protective clothing!!!

This morning I got up early to decorate the church at Feltwell with the guides I drove through the fog across the fem which was rather an eerie experience- the expansive views and amazing fenland sky had all been swallowed up by a white monster!

This evening had a carol singing and story telling event in Methwold Social centre, it was gratifying to see that months of dropping in to the coffee mornings and slowly making friends had paid off- extra seating had to be brought in to accommodate everyone! Emma and Ralph provided the music (keyboard and cello), and a good time was had by all, the Social Club management are now talking about giving us the function room next year! This is the incarnation in action, the church going into the community with the love of God, freely sharing not only the good news, but also simple but heartfelt friendship!

Chris has an operation planned for the 29th December to release a tendon on his left leg, if it is successful he will be able to walk normally for the first time in over a year, but we are struggling with getting the hospital to understand the severity of his heart condition, and the need to contact The Brompton about anaesthesia and we are also asking questions about his anticoag. medications ( these need to be at least reduced before an op, and so far we have no directions) I hate getting stroppy with doctors- but I will if I have to!

Tomorrow is my day off- we still haven't put the Christmas tree up, and I haven't done any Christmas shopping... so I guess I know what tomorrows activities will be... though I have to say my heart isn't in it at all!

So life is busy, I haven't been able to rub two thoughts together, and prayers have been and are confined to words like HELP!

Ipswich by Mike

Following the arrest of a possible suspect in the Ipswich murder cases, this post by Mike is even more powerful, for it reminds us of our common humanity: comment here.

Christ is the prostitute, the working girl, the hooker, the drug addict.

Christ is the john, the trick, the punter.

Christ is the policeman, the detective, the filth.

Christ is the journalist, the cameraman, the presenter.

Christ is the viewer, the reader, the listener.

Christ is the father, the mother, the sister, the brother.

God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, dies every time we sin. Every time we fail to live up to the promise that is in us, every time we reject Him/Her, every time we look the other way, every time we watch without seeing, every time we read without understanding, every time we hear without listening. God is always already there, in the sin, in the pain, in the dying.

But Jesus rises in every kind word, in every attempt to help, in every moment of empathy, in every tear, in every penny freely given, in every smile loosed.

God in the midst of our mess!

I led a Christingle Service for one of our local Primary Schools today. 120 children between the ages of 3-7 (the nursery were included) along with their teachers and parents/ grandparents poured into the Church.

The school had chosen the music, and the plan was to interweave the music through one of Bob Hartman's wonderful re-tellings of the Christmas Story- The Night the stars danced for joy. Well best laid plans and all that- the school operate from 2 different sites and there was a muddle in who was supplying the lyrics and who was bringing the C.D's. Our technology operators who are usually available in the week were ill with flu so although we did have power-point it was all rather last minute...

... but the children had a wonderful time and despite musical and technical hitches so did everyone else, the service was as interactive as possible with children lighting the advent wreath, showing off the sign language prayer, joining in the story and bringing up their Christingles...

... the parents entered into the spirit of the season and enjoyed themselves , there was laughter and clapping and singing and lots of smiling faces in the church!

Only one person complained, a longtime member who had come to see her grandchild in church, singing carols, and behaving as one should it being church! I am sad that she was unable to enter into the joy of the occasion, and I'm not convinced that it would have been better if we'd managed to put on a polished show...

I am not against doing things well, in fact I think we should, and I try to prepare for every occasion I do believe that things could have run more smoothly... but with 120 children plus their  parents who don't normally come it was wonderful simply to welcome them... I'd been ill for most of the previous week and had let the co-ordination of the event slip... I'm not trying to defend myself, but rather am challenged to recognise that this morning God entered into the chaos and there was joy and celebration... I hope that is what people will remember!

What is church, where is church?

Phil Wyman has a post on church, and why some people hate it, John Smulo has listed why he loves it, another friend is struggling with decisions made by her church about opening and outreach over the Christmas period....

The word church has become synonymous with either an organisational structure of a physical location... people talk about what their Church does, how it is structured or about raising funds for the church roof/ carpet/ project.

Most of us know that this is not what church is about, and yet we cannot pull ourselves away from the terminology we have become so comfortable with....

... but the church is the people, gathered and dispersed we are interconnected by a common faith, the church is active in the community as we each go about our daily business, we do not cease to become a part of the church when we leave the building or meeting...

... I hear people within the church talk in them and us language, by doing this we create divisions and build walls between members, and leaders, between denominations... I too am guilty of having used them and us language...

As we seek a way forward through initiatives like Fresh Expressions and Emerging Church, there is a general consensus that we must re-imagine a new church for a new age.... but do we mean we need to re-invent the structures, are we talking about a wallpaper job of covering over the cracks?- Are we going to be braver than that- are we going to stop criticising and back-biting to rediscover the relational called out community that church should be?

If we do find ourselves in such a community will we fight to remain inclusive and open, a people who offer space for where questions to be heard and where answers are not easily rolled off the tongue?

Can we find our way back to Jesus command to love one another?

What is important here , traditions? love? buildings ? people?

Yes we need structure and organisation, we may even need buildings, but they should serve us not we them!

Now I know this post is not saying anything new or interesting but it comes from a heart cry to see the people of God return to being a mission minded passionate people whose passion for God, love for one another and desire to share the good news through action and proclamation tears down barriers of selfish arguments and agendas...

Yes it is a simplistic desire, and yes the way ahead is like a mine-field- and yes there is plenty to grapple with and discuss...

... but when we allow ourselves to be compelled by the love of Christ we might just be amazed what falls away, which of our precious doctrines are simply sacred cows...

... and I can only pray Lord start with me, anyone else want to pray that?   

I want to be in church this morning, but swollen glands have kept me at home, I am missing praying in community, missing singing advent hymns... it does not feel right to be at home...

... and I am wondering how many of next weeks activities will be truly possible, how many I will have to hand over to others to do, or worst case scenario cancel!

I am not indispensable, but I need to worship, and I need others around me to help me to do so, I don't know if that is silly or selfish, but it is a fact, actually I think it is simply because we are created to be relational...

.... but when I stop moaning and think, I know that for me this is temporary, for others their solitude is constant, the housebound and infirm (usually elderly) spend day upon day week upon week in isolation, unable to get out, and unlike me without family around who care... as a church we make occasional visits to those we know about, taking tapes of services, staying for a cup of tea and a chat, but we are scratching the surface..

... and now Tim has just arrived home from taking what should have been my service, he stopped at Tescos and bought me some orange juice and flowers... ( he knows flowers always work magic with me), and now he is unloading the dishwasher!

We have all been invited out for lunch, which means we don't need to think about cooking!

Also several Christmas cards arrived this weekend three with letters from friends, and I realise that although I cannot be in church in different ways church has come to me, in the care and prayers of my friends and family...

Lord my worship this morning has not been in prayer and song, but in reflection, thank you for giving me eyes to see your love in the love of others, help me to be willing to share that love.