Dear God,
I'm finding it hard to talk to you at the moment, I guess I am worried that you will answer me, and then I'd have to acknowledge your voice! But I am lost without your guidance, and wandering this wilderness I keep finding myself in the same places, facing the same questions...
Sometimes I think that what I'd really like is a map, or a set of definite directions, leaving me with no doubts showing me which way to turn and how fast to go...but you answer my questions with questions, and challenge me to think. You leave lots of grey areas, some folk declare them black and white, and draw definite lines and claim to speak for you; but they are often brittle and hard and somehow I don't recognise you in them at all!
There was a time when I found prayer and worship easy, when I thought I knew your ways, and life seemed simple, if not easy it was at least straightforward. But now I don't even know what to call you half the time, and songs once sung so easily stick in my throat....
And yet, under all the confusion that is me I know you are there, and you have not changed, but you have changed me, and the changes have caused me to question, not you so much as my own assumptions, my narrow views could no longer hold your vastness, and the banks of the narrow channel have burst, and you it seems appear in the most unlikely places!
So I need a new song, and a new way of praying, and I guess the enormity of that is what is keeping me silent...but I need to sing, to speak, to worship... I need your Spirit to fill and mould me, and I can no longer hold back, for being empty is more painful than being overwhelmed, and so I am asking for your help again, your strength not mine, your still small voice to speak through the mess and muddle of my thoughts... your peace, your love and your joy...
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth..
