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Well isn't that interesting- I am currently preparing a series of interactive meditations for a service on Saturday evening- so I thought I'd take a browse around the web for some inspiration...
it seems that although we are very good at writing articles/ doctrine/ opinions regarding forgiveness we are not too good at meditations or poetry....
I turned up pages of New Age/ Buddhist/ even Sufi meditations... but nothing specifically Christian.... now what does that tell you about us?
Today has been interesting... I woke late- yes even taking into account the hours leeway given by the clock change... and for once I had no service to lead or MBS Exhibition to go to... I thought about heading to church but decided against it...
I had the house to myself, Tim and Jo had gone to sail the final open meeting of the year, Jon and Chris had both gone out to church... so I put on some worship music, lit a candle ( yes yes very touchy feel-y) and sat down with a cup of coffee to read my Bible...
... as I listened to the lyrics of the worship songs I know so well I reflected on how far I have moved theologically over the last four years- there were many songs I could not sing...in fact I just about got through the first CD when I turned the whole lot off...even the reading was now difficult now...
One song I could stay with was Delirious- My Glorious
My Glorious
The world's shaking with the love of God
Great and glorious, let the whole earth sing
And all you ever do is change the old for new
People we believe that
God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world we'll leave
God will save the day and all will say
My glorious!
Clouds are breaking, heaven's come to earth
Hearts awakening let the church bells ring
And all you ever do is change the old for new
People we believe that
The lyrics aren't great but they sort of reflect a struggle to name God- and My Glorious is rather an interesting title... though I'm not sure thats what they mean! Give me a Wesleyan hymn... but even those can be difficult!
I was struck by Bartimaeus though- how brave he was in such a position of weakness to keep on calling out like that- also by Jesus giving him a place of honour by asking the towns people to go and fetch him!
I kept the candle lit all morning- it seemed important somehow- a prayer offered though there were no words...
Chris came home and decided that he would cook lunch- he made Enchiladas- not your typical Sunday lunch - but I'm not complaining... anyway typical Sunday lunch here is often beans on toast between services!
That freed me up to browse around some blogs and I was really challenged by Lorna's post about spiritual refreshment... or as she delicately put it tanked up! I thought about the things that feed me, and those things that simply drain me ... some were hard to acknowledge... like the fact that I am finding leading worship and preaching very hard right now... I feel like I'm on a 5 hymn prayer sandwich treadmill much of the time!
Reading Lorna's post freed me and encouraged me to drive to the coast ( surprise surprise) and walk along the beach for a couple of hours... I'd been collecting stones on Friday- but today went just for me...
I walked onto the beach and immediately saw a heart shaped stone- I knew it was for me so picked it up and started walking- to start with it felt like a gift- but as I walked God revealed to me how my heart has gradually been turning to stone, every emotional bump and bruise that I choose to hang on to adds another bit of stone... so I walked and prayed and asked God to reveal those things I was holding...
Over the last few years we have had a rough ride as a family, and it has hurt, I was angry with God and although greatly helped by Nicola Slee's Psalm of anger given to me earlier in the summer, I had picked up a lot of other stuff including a whole load of unforgiveness towards myself; and that can be the toughest stuff to deal with... why is it so hard to own our own brokenness???
... as I walked and prayed I knew that I was going to have to give the stone up, my first thought was to hang onto it until next Saturday's service with ERMC at Ditchingham, but I knew that a week of festering over all of this was not going to be very productive... and anyway God said no- now I'd acknowledged all this stuff I was not going to be allowed to hang onto it!
So I walked out to a point where I could jump across the mud flats and reach the water and hurled the stone into the water and mud towards the sunset which was casting rainbow images across the water....
Do I feel different- no- but it was a prayer made in obedience to an inner compulsion that was either my own craziness of the Holy Spirits prompting... but I'm left with a promise:
Come Holy Spirit come...
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.Eze 36:26
....... Christians haven't done a helpful job talking about sex in marriage, or sexuality and singleness.
John Smulo is looking for resources for support/ advice for Christian singles... see his post here
I have been reading about Celtic Christianity and some of its strengths and have been struck by the idea of soul friends... a soul friend is more than a spiritual director for the relationship is a mutual one. As I reflect on this I am challenged to remember several friendships I have had which could have developed in this way except for a certain reticence and fear within myself and also the lack of acknowledgement and teaching the church places upon this kind of relationship.
A few thoughts:
Delving into Celtic wisdom, Irish Catholic scholar John O'Donohue has called this kind of profound kinship anam cara, or soul friend. Part of the role of one's anam cara, he says, "is to see for you in places where you're blind. There is a secret destiny in every friendship that awakens the hidden possibilities asleep in people's hearts. Thus part of the magic of anam cara is that the human psyche is given to each individual, but it remains relatively unborn--friendships help you to birth yourself."
This process between soul friends is what feminist thinker Christine Downing calls "the mutuality of soul making," the "reciprocal and equal love for one another's psychic development." Says my longtime acquaintance Jan Clanton Collins, a Jungian analyst and professor of anthropology, "Friends are steadfast companions on the spiritual pilgrimage. They are a grace that makes the journey worthwhile. Just to know that they are in the world and that we are not alone gives us courage to go on."
In modern Britain the role of friendship has been much denigrated. Friends are often just part of a "crowd scene", milling pointlessly in the background whilst the exclusive emotional focus is on the spouse. We tend to expect our husbands or wives to be friends, lovers, parents, housekeepers, wage-earners, confidantes and every other thing going. Huge amounts of emotional pressure are piled by one person on to the other. Small wonder then that one in three marriages fail, with people often feeling suffocated by their partners. Older societies did not tend to expect such great shakes of marriage, with emotional needs being spread amongst a wider circle of friends and relatives.
Do you believe there is such a thing as a soul friend- someone who understands you and who you understand- someone it is easy to pray with, to pray for? One who hears and does not condemn... but knows how and when to offer words of wisdom...
Should that person be our partner or is that impossible? Or would we benefit from a separate relationship- and would that relationship enhance our marriage relationships? Where might damage occur?
In a soul friendship how do we put boundaries in place, and what should those boundaries be... (can we have a soul friend of the opposite sex) ?
There is a great search for connectedness and community in our culture today, how might the cultivating of true soul friendships meet a part of this need?
How many of our relationships operate at surface level and rarely delve any deeper than that? What prevents us from truly connecting?
John 13:34-35
"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognise that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."
I have no words to offer
only myself,
waiting...
in your presence,
longing for your touch
I went for a walk along Snettisham Beach today- it was empty and quite beautiful- all of the boats and buoys are out of the water for the winter and the birds have reclaimed the seashore...
I went partly because I love walking there and partly to collect stones for next weekends worship at Ditchingham- I needed enough stones for everyone to be able to choose one- so I walked and prayed and collected stones...
The theme of the service is forgiveness, and everyone will be asked to meditate upon the things they carry- whether unforgiveness towards others or harder still a sense of being unable to forgive themselves. The stones represent whatever people want them to represent...and will be used in an act of prayer... the whole service will follow from that point... a series of meditations asking for active participation....
Collecting the stones was an interesting experience, to start with I was picking up interesting looking stones... but as time went on I began to consider that they were going to be used in the prayers of others and how each stone would represent something different. Each stone became special and it was a privilege to be collecting them.
I considered how each of us at Ditchingham has followed a call to ordained ministry in a different way and how every one is special and has unique gifts and talents to offer... how each one will go to serve a different community at the end of training...and I thanked God for my sisters and brothers in Christ, and for the staff and tutors who are helping us along the way.
I leave this post with some pictures of the beach...
You wanna see something *really* scary?...
1. Do you enjoy a good fright?
No I'm basically a coward as will become clear through the rest of this post!!! I like to watch/ read thrillers and don't mind being kept in suspense... as long as its not for too long... but being scared witless does nothing for me... except to make me want to run and hide!
2. Scariest movie you've ever seen
Silence of the Lambs- it terrified me and yet managed to be compulsive viewing at the same time- Anthony Hopkins was very convincing- my children laugh at me... they say I'm a coward... they are right!!!
3. Bobbing for apples: choose one and discuss:
a) Nothing scary about that! Good wholesome fun.
b) Are you *kidding* me?!? The germs, the germs!
It should be good wholesome fun... but it brigs back memories of cold water and maggoty apples in a badly lit village hall- see I'm a kill joy too!!! Enough said... bring on the hot sausages and Jacket potatoes...
4. Real-life phobia
High Bridges- my feet itch when I have to drive over a high bridge... it took me months to get used to using the overpasses in Houston... but I'm worse on foot- narrow footbridges are to be avoided if at all possible!
And for a silly one- fish out of water- I am terrified of fish a fish tank broke once when I was quite young (7 or 8) and the poor fish were flapping around on the floor, my friends all started to rescue them... but I ran... crazy but true- I am even afraid of goldfish!!! Swimming in the sea with fish is not so bad but one holiday when my family decided that mackerel fishing was a good idea I stayed on shore... happy to eat them... not happy to catch them!
5. Favourite "ghost story"
Favourite Ghost story???? ... I'm sorry can I have candy now please???
Matt Stone has two posts containing meditation on Tarot and is considering the possibilities of a white rose blessing...
Both well worth reading they are ;Meditating on Tarot- The Heirophant and Incarnating into Occulture
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