Eternal Echoes

Not a feminist...

I promised a few folk I would say something about my own personal journey of vocational discernment... so here goes.

First of all, I am painfully shy and self conscious, not the first thing most people would notice about me but true nevertheless!

I am for women in ministry, and for women in leadership, this is a personal and a theological position. I am sick and tired of hearing arguments from scripture where verses are plucked out of context and held as if they are set in concrete... As soon as I took any real interest in biblical studies I was taught that a verse out of context is a pretext... there are many who argue the theological position better than I do ... and too many to start giving links- go search and read... and think... really allow God to challenge you especially if you feel that women should not be in leadership/ ministry roles.

So back to my journey... I became a Christian in my mid twenties, and soon became involved in the life of my local church, there was a supportive women's group who met and shared lunch and Bible study on a weekly basis. Most of these women were house wives who had chosen the role for practical reasons, most had been professional women before children, and most struggled with their new role in some ways.

The reason for the struggle was an expectation that motherhood would be completely fulfilling... and although we all loved our children for many that was not enough... it was harder for those and there were only a few of us whose role within the church family was not cake baking or flower arranging- or Sunday School. We had a few women Deacons, but not many and they were mostly older (grown up families)...

With all of this as a backdrop I became aware of a call to teach and preach, this was acceptable in women's groups, but when I answered a call to join in with an Evangelistic Mission away from home for a week, leaving Tim (who was quite happy about this) with 5 young children- the criticism started , and did not stop for years.In fact from some corners it has not stopped yet!

During the mission week I discovered a confidence in both myself and in God, I spoke for the first time at a meeting, and I was given the opportunity to be amongst those who prayed for people coming forward for healing, as they were prayed for and as some received healing so did I. I received a release from a confining theology that said I must be submissive and silent...

As I have entered into a teaching and preaching role, and as we have moved from place to place we have had to find churches that were happy to accept me as I was and that would not try to squeeze me into a confining role again, this was particularly difficult in Texas!

My conviction that I am called to Ordination has grown steadily over the last 5-6 years, I have seen the fruits of ministry that I have been involved in, I have grown in confidence in preaching and found a real gift in teaching ... all of this has been affirmed and acknowledged by Godly men and women who I trust, and who are rusted by others.

This following a call has been conducted with much prayer and heartache, mostly because for many women this is a difficult path, they know God's call but the church refuses to be budged- even in denominations that have been ordaining women for years there are pockets of resistance, a good friend of mine was presiding at the Eucharist when one female parishioner who had come forward turned away at the last moment declaring she would never receive bread and wine from J's hands! I too have been criticised, but never so publicly- one man accused me of stealing my husbands ministry, telling me I was jealous and ought to know my place.

I do not want to stand and fight a doctrinal battle, I simply want to be allowed to follow a call, and I would like to be allowed to do so ... I have questions about my suitability but these do not stem from gender issues...

So I WILL KEEP ON, and I will continue to pray for unity in a church that if it truly looks will find itself more united than divided... I am not a feminist because I believe that taken to extremes feminism is unhelpful, I do like feminist theology because it allows a different perspective., that different perspective enriches and brings new things to the table.

New things are different and I guess that is where the fear factor steps in, on this issue and on many others where people who sense a call find themselves marginalised. I leave you with this text to think on..

Acts 2:17-18

        "In the Last Days," God says,
        "I will pour out my Spirit
            on every kind of people:
        Your sons will prophesy,
            also your daughters;
        Your young men will see visions,
            your old men dream dreams.
     When the time comes,
            I'll pour out my Spirit
        On those who serve me, men and women both,
            and they'll prophesy.

I dared- A narrative sermon

Mark 5 21-43

The day started as all my days had started for the last 5 years, in despair and yet in hope , I had given up expecting  a cure seven years ago-I had spent too much time going from doctor to doctor, submitting myself to humiliating examinations,. Very quickly I ran out of money, and then I ran out of hope... and I awoke as usual to find that the energy sapping hemorrhaging was still with me- it had become a part of me ... yet each new day, just for a moment, that moment between sleep and waking hope was rekindled .... and just as quickly it died down again...

For twelve long years I had been unclean, unable to lead a normal life, unable to worship except on the inside, but recently I had given that up.... surely God could not bear to look on me, surely he had cursed me; made me unclean, cut me off from normal relationships with my family and friends.

But I could do nothing about that spark of hope, that in the waking moments refused to die away completely, and was annoyingly present every morning, reminding me of a possibility, reminding me that today might just be the day God would choose to step in...

This morning as I stretched and thought about the day ahead, that spark of hope refused to die down, it grew ever so slightly, and I could feel it warming my bones and stirring my spirit.... " stop it" I said to myself out loud.. " it'll only end in heartbreak, stop it".

But I could not stop it, today was different, today held possibilities.....

The city was beginning to stir, voices passing my door chattering as usual,  and as usual I longed for conversation so I moved close to the window to hear more, there were more people than usual moving through the streets... something was happening...

The flame of hope inside me grew a little stronger, a little brighter... and I could not stop it...

Caught by a fresh boldness I slipped out of the door and joined the people walking into town, just as if I was going to buy bread, and didn't have to rely on the charity of neighbours...

As I listened to the conversations I understood why so many people were out, Jesus was coming- that prophet from Nazareth- the one who healed.... ... healed; he healed people, and he was here...

I had to see him, had to, I didn't need to speak to him, I knew deep down inside that he was the reason for my renewed hope today, my healing lay in him... and I had to see him...

Just one touch, that is all I wanted, if I could just touch the hem of his robe I would be healed be free...

But wait I thought , I shouldn't even be here amongst these people, making them as unclean by my presence amongst them...

No I needed  to be there ... I knew it, I simply had to be there...

And so I pushed my way through the crowd, hoping to see Jesus...

And suddenly there he was ahead of me striding after Jairus, the leader of the synagogue, Jairus seemed flustered, worried, upset, and Jesus was going with him

I had to take my chance, I just had to....

So I stumbled forward, and touched the hem of Jesus robe with my finger tips.... power surged through my weary body, and in that instant I knew myself healed...

I tried to disappear back through the crowd, but Jesus had stopped his eyes scanned the crowd, and fell upon me as he asked "Who touched me?"

His followers thought he was crazy... "come on Jesus, look at the crowd, how can you ask that, come on Jesus we must go Jairus daughter is sick, she needs you..."

But Jesus was undeterred, he looked straight at me this time and asked again "Who touched me?"

I came forward, trembling now, all my confidence gone, until I saw his face, his eyes filled with compassion...

I'll never forget his words;

Mark 5:34
    Jesus said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague."

I had touched him, I had made him the healer unclean, and he blessed me... he did not condemn me, he blessed me...he commended my faith and he blessed me!

It was then that  I knew deep inside that this man was more than a prophet, more than a healer, I knew that I had touched God himself, present in this man, and God himself had healed me.

Then the mood quickly changed, messengers had come from Jairus house with news, bad news, his daughter was dead...

Jesus dismissed them, pushing Jairus ahead of him he said, not dead, asleep, come have faith....Trust me!

I had to follow, had to be near him.

When they arrived the mourners were gathering, a wailing and weeping had started..

Jesus silenced them with a word, then taking three of his followers with him, he entered the dead girls room... he called to the mother and father to join him, and we waited...

Jairus soon came out, white as a sheet... followed by his wife, and then the girl, the dead girl eating a piece of bread, alive and well...

This man, this Jesus had raised the dead, they say with a word, but to this day nobody knows what happened in that room.

I know this, he healed me from a twelve year affliction, not questioning my touch, and then he raised the dead, his power undiminished, he touched the unclean and brought new life to the dead... this man, this Jesus...

this God. 

On seeking community :1

I have been asked by a few people about the community of faith I am a part of; it might help if I set the scene...

We moved to Downham Market 3 years ago to work for a Methodist Circuit, (I job share with my husband Tim) our brief was to reach the missing generations- anyone under 70 then!  As we got to know folk in the churches we found the same hunger being expressed again and again; people wanted something real. We became more involved in the wider community, and soon found people expressing the same need, a desire for spirituality that made sense, not traditional religion.

A small group of us started to meet and pray together, this quickly developed into a community of people who were echoing the question posed by the Northumbria Community- "How then shall we live?" for we were not only being challenged by a need for reality in worship, but by a call to a new way of living- a desire for simplicity, contentment and holiness...

We needed to become accountable to one another at a deeper level than any of us has experienced before...this is not easy or comfortable- we sense the need to be bound together in prayer- but as people from different backgrounds and none we are finding this to be a challenge. We meet together, we eat together, we pray and laugh, share and weep together... the sharing has reached such a level that we personally were helped out of a potentially sticky financial situation by the generosity of others.

We are at the beginning of our journey- our focus is outward not inward, we live in a diverse town,young families and retirement homes, very wealthy and very poor... (normal I guess) ... we want to be an inclusive group but recognise that despite our differences we are all 30's-50's middle class, well educated  and white...

Our differences- well one is disabled, one retired (early), 2 couples have teenagers, one has a young child, one single man, one couple have grown up children... we cover a range of personality types, work /career wise we have two full time christian workers (Tim and I), two teachers, one bank clerk, one engineer, one life coach and two counsellors , a mother, a mental health nurse ... etc etc...

Our desires- to model the Christian life, to seek to move in the "unforced rhythms of grace", to serve both God, the wider community and one another...

Tonight we met and talked and worshipped together, and as we sang:

AS WE ARE GATHERED Jesus is here;

One with each other, Jesus is here.

Joined by the Spirit, washed in the blood,

Part of the body, the church of God.

As we are gathered Jesus is here,

One with each other, Jesus is here. (yes very 70's- we are not old we are retro!!!)

We sensed the presence of God moving powerfully amongst us.

As we have been on this journey we have learned together, one very powerful lesson has been that we must drop the us and them mentality adopted by so many church groups and seek to live in and serve our community as a part of it- invloved and caring, allowing it to serve us, and so somehow sharing with it our life of faith.

And we journey on...

Many things on my mind

I have loads of things on my mind at the moment all trying to squeeze out at once, several are in relation to comments or requests from previous posts.  These include my thoughts on women's ministry/ leadership... should be a no brainier- but it might surprise folk to know that I am not a feminist, and I believe complementarianism is a cop-out! So I will work on that one....

Then there is some stuff about community and New Monasticism- that may be a little longer in coming because I really want to think through what I post rather than simply blurt..I want to show our journey warts and all and not to romanticise things!

Lastly a few things have come together this week to make me ask how well we are able to value and affirm one another. It is easy to celebrate sauces,it is not too difficult to console those who may have failed,  but how about the "also rans" those who have done their very best, done well but never quite made it, those for whom "never mind you'll get another chance" is not a good piece of advice...

On the same topic there is another question of value, I watched my sons school Senior Drama Showcase last night, there were so many plays on domestic abuse and neglect... and they were very real, these young people can act pain well... I know about teenage angst, but for some of them the pain seemed all too real.

So watch out... when I get a few spare moments and all of these thoughts start to settle....there may be a few multiple posts!!!

The mask of perfection

Religious culture has a hard time with pastors and pastor's families who have flaws. Of course, the healthiest congregations do not expect their pastors to walk on water, do not put their pastors on pedestals. But in my experience, such congregations are not the norm.

Thousands of pastors serve congregations that, despite rhetoric to the contrary, expect their leaders to maintain (at least for public viewing) near-perfect marriages, near-perfect families, and near-perfect lives.

While it may be fine that their pastor forgets to take out the trash, is hyper-addicted to football, burns the toast, or consistently forgets his wife's birthday (all endearing foibles that make good fodder for sermon jokes), he'd better not have any serious bouts of depression, credit issues, children who get caught selling ecstasy, or a wife with a drinking problem.

Go and read the rest of this important article, it deals mainly with male clergy and also with the problems of addiction in relation to sexual behaviour, but it is easily transferable to both women and problems such as alchohol/ gluttony/spending...

Evening sky

One wonderful thing about living on the Norfolk Fens is the sky... yes I know there is sky everywhere but the sheer flatness of the land makes the skies the a feature you can't miss, and yesterday evening the sky was putting on a show...

                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                            
        Soar high in the skies, O God!
            Cover the whole earth with your glory!

Random thoughts on a mixed day...

I have had an odd day filled with bits and pieces....

Not sure why but I decided to read the first few chapters of Matthew this morning and was struck by the character of Joseph, so often fiction and folklore depicts him as a solid dependable sort; and I guess he was, but he was also a deeply spiritual man who acted upon dreams and visions, and angels bearing messages... and not just once but several times.

I spent the morning updating White-Fields web site (good stuff), and then doing expenses ( good when we get them but sooo boring).

Made myself go out for a walk.... after watching an unbelievable Henman Match.... he must be trying to out do the English football squad for making us want to curl up and cry!!! I would love to see him win but he's playing Roger Federer... is there any hope???

This evening we had a meeting in Narborough as a part of the Church planting initiative out there; we are taking hot topics and presenting them from a Christian viewpoint, tonight's topic was "Is Jesus Green?" dealing with the questions of ecology/ global warming/ stewardship etc. It was an interactive evening, and some good questions were raised. Hopefully this event will gain in momentum... we hope to help it along by getting know in the local pub ( no not for our drinking exploits, for our scintillating conversation...)!

Home and Stuart came in for a cup of tea, he had had an interesting experience yesterday having been up to London to do a radio interview. Stuart is a Life Coach, and had been invited to take part in a Radio show along with another Life Coach who was a Pagan, he found they had many things in common, a good rapport developed between the two of them. I've asked Stuart to write something about this... watch this space.

Looking back the day hasn't been that random- quite normal really in its strange way, that is Ministry really ... always something different. 

The two pictures are of the fields where I went for a walk, and then the sky outside the hall at Narborough this evening.

Alternative healing - engaging with the Post-modern culture

This post is a response to posts by Matt Stone and Jonny Baker, they both raise questions about engaging with Alternative healing methods and practitioners such as those practising Reiki, Chakra balancing etc.

Matt raises  questions about how and where we might expect to see Gods healing presence at work, suggesting that this healing presence and power might be encountered outside of the traditional Christian framework;

I think we need to be open to the possibility that the Spirit of God is actively working in alternate healing, that we should not assume its all demonic a priori, even if they have not given God/Jesus his due.

He goes on to challenge us to re-asses the way in which we view alternative healers, and to consider how we might engage missionaly with people who are actively involved in healing, in bringing about wholeness in the lives of others ;

One challenge I have raised though is that inadequate attention has been given to discernment issues or how to missionally engage with non-churched people who may be seeking healing. How would a Wiccan herbal healer or Reiki master or Chakra rebalancer walking through the door interpret Christian healing for instance? And just how do they interpret Jesus?

Also;

As part of the process of rethinking healing in these different contexts I think we also need to do a serious rethink of spiritual warfare, again moving beyond the received polarisations that plague discussions about 'the powers' and 'deliverance'.

Essentially Jonny Baker is asking the same questions, following positive interaction with some reiki healers at the London Mind Body and Spirit Exhibition.

So how do we move forward? First of all I suggest that we need to engage in some double listening- listening to both The Spirit of God, and to the prevailing culture, we need to step back from the tendency to declare everything outside of the framework we know as wrong or worse evil and to consider that God's creative purposes might just be at work in places we least expect to find them.

This also throws up questions about the spiritual realms, I would suggest that a large part of the Church's problems in engaging with these questions stem from its embracing of modernity and the use of apologetics to beat out rational arguments thereby dissociating itself from anything mystical or unexplainable events in the super-natural realms. This is particularly prevalent in Western Protestantism.

Paul gives us a good model in Acts 17, although he is distressed to see a city full of idols and of idol worshippers he does not jump in with both feet, rather he chooses to listen and to debate, and only then when he finds a point of engagement does he speak; interestingly the point of engagement comes through an unknown- in this case an unknown but acknowledged God.

Many conversations I have had with alternative healers have concerned the source of healing, which many of them see as an impersonal yet powerful spiritual force, an unknown, yet an unknown force that is recognised as being present throughout creation. Is there a challenge then as Phil Johnson suggests to re asses our theology of the Holy Spirit:

Evangelicals have inherited from the Reformers a strong awareness of human sin and the fall. Unfortunately evangelicals tend to focus exclusively on the fall, and say very little about the original blessing of the creation. This is compounded by an undeveloped theology of God's Spirit as explicated throughout the Old Testament. Evangelicals and charismatics have a post-Pentecost pneumatology, all of which is valuable and important. But the Holy Spirit did not show up on planet earth in Acts 2 or at Jesus' baptism. The OT has a very deep theology of the Spirit's presence throughout the creation.Evangelicals have inherited from the Reformers a strong awareness of human sin and the fall. Unfortunately evangelicals tend to focus exclusively on the fall, and say very little about the original blessing of the creation. This is compounded by an undeveloped theology of God's Spirit as explicated throughout the Old Testament. Evangelicals and charismatics have a post-Pentecost pneumatology, all of which is valuable and important. But the Holy Spirit did not show up on planet earth in Acts 2 or at Jesus' baptism. The OT has a very deep theology of the Spirit's presence throughout the creation.

This would probably lead us to a more open view of the creative and re-creative purposes of God throughout the whole of creation, and might lead us to other questions such as the ones posed by Sun Warrior:

As far as healing from the spirit world,  (Westernised) Christianity is at a disadvantage of sorts. It believes that the only spirits are God and humans. It does not know anything about the spirit world, which encompasses Creation itself. It is a taboo and murky waters for a  (Westernised) Christian to venture into. So it struggles with non-Christian spirituality from its ignorance. It does not know the reality, the ground rules, of all the other spirits God has Created outside of the specific consciousness of God and souls.

Spiritual healing is our attempt at breaking the natural laws of inert matter, just like Jesus did. It is a pining to know more about the spirit world but with only the Christian doctrine to go by. How does Jesus fit into this other spirituality? How does it relate to the monotheistic God? How do we become a part of it and break free of the limits of this inert matter? We are interested in the 'gap' in our spiritual knowledge.

-Brackets mine

I would suggest that in some places Christianity is more able to embrace a mystical and unexplainable picture of God (e.g. Eastern Traditions) and others e.g. African and South America there is an acknowledgement of the spirit world that is largely dismissed in the West.

All of this suggests a creation that is far more complex and interconnected in both a physical and spiritual sense than we might like to acknowledge, it faces us with a God whom we cannot hope to explain. It creates grey areas, and forces us away from our black and white certainties and at the same time demands that we develop a level of critical and self critical discernment when faced with the unexplained and unexplainable in areas of energy/ alternative healing and also spiritual experiences we might be faced with.

These quotes and questions leave us with more questions, I cannot hope to sum up the subject of alternate healing in a short post like this, what I can do is say that I remain open to the possibility that God is indeed at work in creation and therefore that through that creation he is perceived by some as an impersonal creative force, when people seek to harness that force for good, ( e.g. healing) is it so impossible that God would make her creative power available in that way. If this is the case might we have an opportunity through listening first and entering into dialogue second to point as Paul did to the mighty power that raised Jesus from death to life... coming to the cross from a different direction?

I leave myself with questions... I have not attempted to draw any conclusions here except that I need to remain open for

Isaiah 55:8-9
    For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Surprise I think not....

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you! Try the quiz, be amazed...or not!!!!

The Collar

This was posted for me by Mike who recognised my struggles with calling and vocation, I am posting it for another friend who needs to read these words right now....

The Collar

    I STRUCK the board, and cry'd, No more.  
                        I will abroad.  
    What? shall I ever sigh and pine?  
My lines and life are free; free as the rode,  
    Loose as the winde, as large as store.          
          Shall I be still in suit?  
    Have I no harvest but a thorn  
    To let me bloud, and not restore  
What I have lost with cordiall fruit?  
                        Sure there was wine   
      Before my sighs did drie it: there was corn  
          Before my tears did drown it.  
    Is the yeare onely lost to me?  
          Have I no bayes to crown it?  
No flowers, no garlands gay? all blasted?   
                        All wasted?  
    Not so, my heart: but there is fruit,  
                        And thou hast hands.  
          Recover all thy sigh-blown age  
On double pleasures: leave thy cold dispute   
Of what is fit, and not; forsake thy cage,  
                        Thy rope of sands,  
Which pettie thoughts have made, and made to thee  
    Good cable, to enforce and draw,  
                        And be thy law,   
    While thou didst wink and wouldst not see.  
                        Away; take heed:  
                        I will abroad.  
Call in thy deaths head there: tie up thy fears.  
                        He that forbears   
          To suit and serve his need,  
                        Deserves his load.  
But as I rav'd and grew more fierce and wilde  
                        At every word,  
    Me thoughts I heard one calling, Childe:   
              And I reply'd, My Lord.

-George Herbert.