I thought I'd try to expand a little on my thoughts on ministry and calling. I am a full time paid Christian worker- not ordained. I work in the community and in the church, I pastor, I preach, I organise events and lead prayers... I am an evangelist and this runs through everything I do, it is who I am...
I love God, I love Jesus( this sounds rather trite but I mean it in a real and deep way- I truly do not know where I would be without the revelation of the truth he brought bursting into the life of a rather messed up twenty something!), I am passionate about conveying the gospel in ways relevant to today's eclectic, post-modern culture... I believe the Holy Spirit helps and guides me, and fills my life with all I need for life and holiness... when I am open to receiving .... my desire is to live a life of faith and love...
Now as a forty something I am exploring a call to ordination- exploring because as a British Methodist I am on the first stage of a long journey... first foundation training then ordination training- then possibly ordination- it takes a while to explain!
I mentioned I grapple with that call and have received some interesting comments... I do not believe that saying just listen to God and follow him is enough... for I have known times when God very clearly gave me a choice, for example when we came to move to Norfolk, we had to choose where to live- two manses and rooms in a community house were available. I felt a certain pressure to live in the Community house, but as we prayed this through, God made it clear that we could choose and that he was in whichever choice we made, the important thing was being available here!
So I know that I am called to full time ministry, and I do have a strong sense of call, but I rebel against this for several reasons, firstly I feel that I should be valued as a minister without the need for ordination, and I am hurt by suggestions that as a Lay Worker my ministry is not valid or respected... this is not me being oversensitive.... I have to sit through meetings where I am referred to as The Lay Worker and treated as a commodity and not as a person. The ministers are not treated in this way, they are shown respect and are valued... shouldn't that spur me on towards ordination... No because most of my work will not change!!! Why does the presence of a dog collar make such a difference?
So I rebel, because I will still be me and I refuse to be anything else...
I do not mean to imply that ordained ministry is unimportant, I believe that representation of God to the community is most important and that people look for ministers in times of both personal and global disasters... I value the sacraments highly but do not really believe you must be ordained to officiate...
My hobby horse is for the Lay Worker... Lay workers fulfil valuable and often difficult roles in the Methodist church and are too often treated (and paid) like the poor relation whom we are a little ashamed of....
I love my work, I am passionate about it, I would love and sense a call to stay in the wilds of rural Norfolk- I am growing to love the place and the people, we are starting to see churches grow and change- I do not want to leave here yet... and yet I have to present my case to the Circuit meeting and I fear that finance will win out and my position will be closed... if I was a minister I would gain another post- as I am not at the present time I may end up homeless and out of work... as a Lay Worker...
now I know this post is rambling all over the place, so I'll try to sum up- I know I have a call to full time Christian work- I believe I have a call to ordained ministry- but I am still finding my way along that path. I do not want to be treated as someone special by the congregation who currently view me mainly as a commodity just because I am ordained, I want folk to realise they have a ministry and all are valuable, all have a place full time paid or not, ordained or not...
I guess that at the same time as I recognise the need to be rooted and grounded, I also rebel against the establishment...
I have as I have said before a love hate relationship with the church...
And so I journey on...