Yesterday I had the huge privilege of going into a local Primary School, first to take an assembly, and second to visit a class of Yr 3 (7-8 yr old children) to answer their questions about what I do and who I am. Their questions were far ranging, thought provoking and deep, and one in-particular made me stop and ponder;
"What does it feel like to be a Christian?"
I reported this question to several Church members when I visited them that afternoon, and almost all of them said things like, "oh well, you know, joyful and happy" or "peaceful and happy", or just "happy" or "happy and glad"!
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, I know these people, I know some of the struggles they face and I know that they sometimes pray with tears and groans- so where did all this happiness, joy and peace come from- is that what it always feels like to be a Christian? That said, I also know that they were giving me the answers they have been taught to give, nothing else would do, for many to declare that faith is a struggle means letting God down... but I don't think it does!
Now don't get me wrong, of course there are mornings when I feel like bouncing out of bed and singing (after a bucket of tea that is), but some days that is not the case at all. Here is what I told the children.
"Some days it is great being a Christian, you feel confident that the world is mostly good and you know that God loves you and that all is well, on other days things are different."
I continued by telling them about a low point in my life, when lots of things were going wrong, when several members of my family were struggling and Christopher was in hospital. When the Dr's. came with news about something that was needed for his treatment it was the last straw, we'd been praying and hoping for days, no weeks, and I can remember leaving the ward, walking into the hospital car park and hurling my Bible across it. It was in that moment of utter despair that I found myself in the presence of a God who loved me. Having let go of all of my anger and frustration I was found by him and I knew for certain that he was with me.
I told them that it is OK to tell God when you are angry or upset, just as it is great to tell him when you are happy, and that being a Christian can sometimes be difficult because we might know that we need to choose the right thing rather than what we want! I told them that sometimes being a Christian means that we need to speak out against things that are wrong, trying to help people who need help, asking ourselves how Jesus would have acted.
I also told them that through all of this I knew that God was with me helping me and giving me the words and the strength to do things his way, and that there were times of real deep joy and peace, and often when you least expected it!
I told my Church members what I had said to the children; some of them were horrified, why hadn't I told the children how wonderful it all was, why hadn't I emphasised the wonderful stuff, and why had I chosen to speak about difficult things...
My response is simple; if we "sell" a version of faith that demands that we are always joyful and happy, that we always portray ourselves as peaceful and loving then we are lying to God, to ourselves and to others. People and maybe especially children see through masks quickly, and trying to portray faith as it isn't is what has so often given rise to Christians being called false and hypocrites.
I don't want to be a hypocrite, I want to live out my faith with integrity and honesty, so I have to admit that sometimes being a Christian is hard, and difficult and a struggle, just as much as it is a joy and wonderful and fulfilling.
But this I know- God is with me and will not abandon me; his invitation to us is expansive, life giving and healing...
"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again." (John 3:16-17)
