Facebook is a wonderful place for sharing stuff and networking, over the last couple of days many of my friends have been announcing to the world what they will be giving up for Lent, or in some cases what they will try to achieve. Some have been really creative; one friend is attempting to give up anger, to intentionally think through what sparked the anger and why, others are giving up meat, wine chocolate etc, and one brave soul is giving up meat and alcohol. Now I can't say that any of this is bad, and I hope and pray that they will find benefits in it, but this year I find myself asking why we do what we do...
Before I receive a whole bunch of responses I do know that spiritual practice of fasting is one that we are called to and one that is often neglected and one through which we can draw near to God. It is about God and not about us:
But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. (Matthew 6:17-18)
So at the risk of being a grumpy guts... I wonder what we hope to achieve by telling everyone what we are fasting from; but then I have to admit all this giving up is something that I struggle with, it lacks depth, or it lacks the depth I seek, it must be truly intentional, and it must be about God and not about what I do or don't do, if it is then it is all about me...
I truly do want to be able to draw closer to God through the season of Lent, and I appreciate and celebrate its emphasis on denial of self and turning to God, but I have now reached a point where I know that I can't do it...
When I say I can't do it, I mean that I cannot, do not have the inner strength or resources to change myself, for that I need God, I can make changes to my diet, loose or gain weight, I can alter my prayer life and impose a sense of order into the chaos of my being, but deep deep transformation requires that I turn to God for his resources and find there a love deeper and wider and more than I could ever have imagined.
Reflecting on all of this, and intentionally entering into silence this year in a marvellous mix up of the seasons I hope to find the waves of Pentecost breaking over me, in me and through me...
I need this, because I cannot do it, and I need God to work in me....
