Sometimes words of wisdom come from unexpected places, following the news of the death of apple creator and CEO Steve Jobs I listened to his address to Stanford University. In it he said:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice."
The last few words of this really struck me; "Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice." As I think upon them I am trying to determine the source of my inner voice, to find it I have to push past many other voices, voices that demand much of me, where I should be, what I should be doing etc. Then I have to push aside the guilt and feelings of failure that I have not lived up to many of those things. But even before I begin all of this I have to remove the mask that says "I'm fine. life is good and of course I am coping!"
First the mask- I think we all wear masks at various times and sometimes for good reasons, sometimes our work requires that we have a "professional face",(please don't read that as a detached face). At other times we need to be calm when we are panicking internally for the sale of others. But masks no matter how useful become damaging when we forget to take them off, when a true friend asks how we are and we respond with an automatic "I'm fine" we may well be ignoring our inner voice that is screaming for attention; "I am NOT fine, I am tired, I'm worn out, I'm overloaded and I need help."
We might fear that if we take of our masks then we will crumble, the voices within demand that we keep going, afterall if we don't then we will be letting others down. The surface voices within demand that we must go to every meeting, be available, be prepared, and they shout loudly so that we cling to our masks in fear that someone will discover the real "me".
What happens the as deep within our true inner voice is crying for attention; "I am tired, I need a break, I cannot keep this up..."
My own inner dialogue recently went something like this:
Inner voice: "I am tired, I need a break"
Surface voice:" But you've had a holiday, pull yourself together, you have work to do."
Inner voice:"Yes but the holiday was short, and I came home to an over full life, so many demands, I really need another break."
Surface voice: "Well you can't have a break, look how much there is to do, you'll just have to get on with it."
The surface voices won of course and I drowned out the inner voice of wisdom and just got on with it. I should have asked for help, but to be honest I don't know where that help would have come from. Advice to someone who is feeling overstretched to get in control of their diary, or to sort themselves out somehow merely adds another demanding layer to the to do list and results in more feelings of guilt. Add to that the people we often look to for help are dealing with their own internal struggle to keep on keeping on and we end up with an unhealthy collusion.
So here I am signed off from work because eventually the mask did not work, there was a final straw, and everything crumbled, the demanding surface voices found themselves defeated by the inner silence, until a still small voice broke through, from a much deeper place, "Be still and know that I am God". Of course that voice was not my voice, for you will all be grateful that I am not God, rather it was the voice of God calling me to rest. And I need rest, we need rest, yet rest is so hard to come by. I can take a day off yet not rest, I can have a weeks holiday and still not find the rest I need. Why then is rest so difficult?
I come back again to Jesus words:
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11: 28-30)
It is so easy to overlook the context of these words. Jesus is speaking at a time when his cousin John is locked up in prison, when he has worked hard in the cities of Chorazin and Bethsaida, and we are told that although he had worked his hardest the people had responded the least, shrugging their shoulders and going their own way.
Jesus is under stress, and although he begins by proclaiming doom upon the cities he abruptly breaks into prayer:
"Thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth. You've concealed your ways from sophisticates and know-it-alls, but spelled them out clearly to ordinary people. Yes, Father, that's the way you like to work."
He then looks over the people gathered around him, people who were probably shocked at his words of doom and begins to speak tenderly. "Come to me he says, learn from me, walk with me, there is another way to do it." There is another way, beneath our masks, beneath the demanding voices (inner and outer), there is another way. Beneath even our own inner voice we will hear the words of ultimate wisdom if we stop long enough to take them in. "Be still and know that I am God", but before we take that out of context we must ne aware of its setting:
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolation's he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
(Psalm 46)
God, an ever present help in trouble, through the turmoil and upheavals of life there is God, a fortress, a protector, a sustainer, an ever present help. So even before I hear my own inner voice crying out for help, I must remind myself to plunge deeper still, to connect with a deeper voice calling me once again to move in the unforced rhythms of grace. For that I must be brave enough to take of my masks from time to time and allow myself to answer the question. Is it well with my soul?
Picasso- Girl before a mirror
