It has been a long day, I have been balancing sermon preparation alongside my preparations for tomorrows Spirit of Life Festival in Southminster, Essex. I have chosen two of the Lectionary reading to preach from on Sunday, Isaiah 55:1-13 and Romans 8: 1-11. I spent the morning reflecting upon the grace revealed in both passages, both the beautiful and free invitation to a better way of living and being in Isaiah and the reassurance of Romans 8 that God is the one who meets us where we are....
As I reflected I wrote a few notes partly in response to Romans 7&8, and partly in response to one of Gerard Kelly's poems;
I want to be untouched by my possessions
instead of being possessed
by what I touch,
to test the taste of having nothing to call mine,
to hold consumptions cravings back,
to be content with luck or lack,
to live as well on water as on wine.
I want to feel the freedom to buy nothing
to revel in the act of making do.
I need to know my worth
is something more than how I look,
more than that
today I want to learn to value you.
No camouflage
no entourage
no smoothly fitting in
I want a faith that goes further than face value
and a beauty that goes deeper than my skin.
Part of my struggle with life revolves around possessions, consumerism, and how wants can become a focus. So I need to acknowledge my weaknesses before God- I can make laws and rules for myself but I am unable to live by them, and so I need to, I must surrender my self to the love and care of God in him I am no longer held captive by guilt and sin. In him I find myself set free to live by the Spirit.
And yet the struggle persists within me because although I may want to follow Christ I am prone to temptation, but here is grace, although I fall and fail again and again God comes close and lifts me up, he does not condemn me rather in Christ he came and took upon himself all that alienates me from his love, dying on the cross he has overcome sin and death, and through the resurrection he has revealed the awesome power of God to renew, and restore. This renewed and restored life is made available to me by the Holy Spirits willingness and desire to fill even this cracked pot with glory, power for living and love!
What then is my part in this?
Is it not to turn my heart, mind and will towards God, acknowledging and welcoming Go'd presence within me, and retuning my senses so that I can hear her still small voice?
This is grace; that the Holy Spirit longs to help me in my weaknesses. allowing her to do so means acknowledging them to myself and to God, and where appropriate to other people. The truth is that:
- I CANNOT BE SEPARATED FROM GOD'S LOVE!
- GOD IS FOR ME AND NOT AGAINST ME!!!
One of my favorite quotes comes from Douglas Coupland's Life After God, after a long and life/ heart searching journey this is almost the conclusion of the book:
"Now -- here is my secret:
I tell it to you with an openness of heart I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me to be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond able to love." p.359
This is my secret too.... except that I do not want it to be a secret, I want to be able to shout from the rooftops the wonders of the grace of a God who comes close!
