It is interesting really, because people remember me because I laughed! I laughed it is true at the preposterous suggestion that I an old woman might bear a child... I did laugh, and my laugh was a mixture of incredulity and delight... I couldn't help myself, I wasn't mocking God, though that is what I am remembered for- my apparent unbelief...
Abraham my husband on the other hand is remembered for his faith, commended for it, and people seem to forget that we both left our home, we both swapped our house for a tent to go who knows where... to follow God into the unknown!
Abraham whose faults are so often glossed over- like the time he passed me off as his sister, fearing that my aged beauty might be a danger to him!
Yes I laughed, for I couldn't see how this was going to happen, Abraham was older than me, and I'd long since come to terms with my barrenness... a child for this womb, for these shrivelled breasts... yes I laughed, but hope was rekindled in me that day.
.... and yet as time went on, and no child was conceived I began to wonder if there might not be another way. Hagar my maid servant was not unattractive and seemed full of life, her offspring would be mine just as she was, and so with this thought I ordered her to go to Abraham to give herself to him as a gift from me. She did as she was told of course and soon conceived, her body swelled with the weight of the child within, her breasts grew round and ready to suckle the infant.
And I was consumed with a terrible jealousy, bitterness became my companion, even when the child was born I did not rejoice, I treated them badly. Then miracle of miracles I conceived, and my womb grew large, my breasts began to produce life giving milk, after all the years of emptiness.
Then fear consumed me, what if Abraham preferred her, preferred her child, I wanted them sent away, I shudder to think now of what I did, of how I treated her and her son.
My beautiful son was born- and I named him Issac, he was a joy to me, and Abraham loved him.
God had answered our prayers and fulfilled his promises in spite of our failures and doubts..
As for Hagar and her son, they too were cared for by the God who had fulfilled his promise. My fears had been unfounded, my actions hasty, and yet I believed...
I wonder when you read our story, does my faith shine through also, or do you simply remember that I laughed?
