I read through Psalm 69 today, and was particularly struck by the honesty and openness, the vulnerability of the psalmist...
" 5 God, you know how foolish I've been.
My guilt is not hidden from you.
6 Lord, you are the Lord who rules over all.
May those who put their hope in you not be dishonoured because of me.
You are the God of Israel"
God you know me, you know what I am like and yet.....
13 ... Lord, I pray to you.
May this be the time you show me your favour.
God, answer me because you love me so much.
Save me, as you always do.
14 Save me from the trouble I'm in.
It's like slippery mud...
Such honesty, such openness... and as I read it I was struck by the psalmists trust in the love that God has for him no matter what, and as I prayed I became aware that God also holds that love for me, that nothing can separate me from the love of God... not the words or works of others, nor my own foolishness... I am loved and cherished in spite of myself...those thoughts wrapped around me like a warm blanket, and I was privileged to gain a glimpse of a new depth of the love of God. God whose arms are swift to embrace us, whose heart is open to us, who longs and yearns for us to come into His presence... this is the God we worship and adore, and we can love because he first loved us....
... and as I read and prayed I saw all of the barriers of intellect and reason that I had placed between us, recognising that I was indeed up to my neck in mud and mire, and that God alone could save me, and so I pray:
Don't let me sink in it.
(Save me from those who hate me.)
Save me from the deep water I'm in.
15 Don't let the floods cover me.
Don't let the deep water swallow me up.
Don't let the grave close its mouth over me.
16 Lord, answer me because your love is so good.
Turn to me because you are so kind.
17 Don't turn your face away from me.
Answer me quickly. I'm in trouble.
God of grace, I turn my face
To You, I cannot hide;
My nakedness, my shame, my guilt,
Are all before Your eyes
.
Strivings and all anguished dreams
In rags lie at my feet,
And only grace provides the way
For me to stand complete.
.
And Your grace clothes me unrighteousness,
And Your mercy covers me in love.
Your life adorns and beautifies,
I stand complete in You.
