Eternal Echoes

A new day....

Every now and then I am reminded by somebody that God always offers us a fresh start, a clean sheet, a new day, sometimes because like many I find it almost impossible to free myself from regrets and recriminations I find this offer of a fresh start hard to grasp hold of. Yet the message of the cross is that of a fresh start, of sins forgiven and grace extended, and today I find a deep comfort in that. 

I am reflecting on two contrasting news items first the terrible tragedy of the murder in Woolwich, as the story unfold it seems likely that this was a terrorist attack or at least driven by some form of misguided religious or racial fervour. Who can truly get inside the head of those who would carry out such an atrocity. It has been heartening to see people from a number of groups including the Islamic Society of Britain speaking out against it and offering condolences to the family and friends of the victim. The flip side if that has been an outpouring of racist rhetoric fueled by social media some of which has been truly shocking.

Contrast that then with reports of the Pope's latest offering, urging people to see and to celebrate the good in one another, suggesting that salvation is possible for all of those who do good because within that good there is a reflection of the heart of God. Quoting Jesus from Marks gospel he says that none should be hindered from doing good, and that we should seek to work together for good with people of all faiths and none. Working together for good demolishes the barriers that racial and religious intolerance erect. 

Yet seeking good is not easy, it is not easy either on a global, national or community level, nor within our own personal lives, and this is because we are broken, flawed and even damaged people. What we need more than anything else is to be healed and to become or begin to become whole, and that brings me back to the comfort I find at the foot of the cross. I love the way that contemporary novelist Douglas Coupland states his need in his novel Life After God:

"My secret is that I need God--that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.” 

On a personal level I know that this is true for me, I need God, I cannot live this life alone and in my own strength, I am not able to be what I can be without God's grace and forgiveness at work in my life. This has been brought home to me through a series of events over the last year, I have had to face up to my own brokenness in a big way, and the miracle is that God's grace is sufficient for me, he becomes the strength in my weakness! 

Today I find myself faced with a choice, I can choose to look back, to live a life filled with regrets and recriminations or I can choose to bring all of my hurts and pains, all of my brokenness to the cross, where in Christ God gave himself for the world, pouring out healing and grace. I can choose to live in the past where I wallow in a sea of if only's', or I can choose to celebrate what has been good (and there has been plenty of that), and to seek forgiveness and healing for the bad and the broken. I choose the later. Today is a new day, I step into it not in my own strength but in the power of the Spirit and in the light of. Jesus resurrection from the dead, for it is through this that the power and grip of death and and all that separates us from God's love has been defeated.

Today I choose life, and that choice brings to me the offer of a fresh start, a clean sheet, a new day, I choose life and I seek the healing and grace to step into it. I do not want to be closed and bitter and angry, I want to be open and loving and free, more than that I want to be forgiving and to seek forgiveness, to accept it where it is offered and to pray for strength where it is not.

None of this is easy but it is possible and for me all the more possible because I know the one in whose company I make this step, his invitation is clear:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message)

The choice is there for us all, whether that choice is in response to a personal, local or global event or issue, today can be a new day, and as we step into it we begin to make a difference, and that difference could be more far reaching than we could ever hope or imagine.

Come, a Pentecost prayer

Come wondrous lover

of my soul,

wrap me

in comfort,

fill me with peace,

strengthen me

with Holy power,

do not hold back,

come, come

overwhelm me

with your abundant 

grace,

ignite a fire within my heart

that yearns and burns with

a passion for you

that will not

be quenched,

create an

irresistible

overflow

from my life,

rivers of 

love,

grace, mercy

and power...

+

Come wondrous lover

of my soul,

do not hold back...

 

Come Spirit... a returning prayer

Come Spirit

of life and light,

blow through

the cobwebbed 

corners of my heart,

sweep in,

cleanse and clear

the dross,

bring life's gift

afresh,

then light me up, 

flood my soul

with your

illuminating presence,

heal me,

set me free

from the voices

of accusation

that rise unbidden to

weave their 

stories afresh,

and help me

to walk in life's

transforming light

renewed

again by you.

+

Come Spirit

of life and light,

blow through

the cobwebbed 

corners of my heart...

 

 

new day....

this is a gift,

this rising sun

pushing back

the clouds

of doubt,

 pain, and night,

yet even here

are shadows,

for yesterday

cannot be discounted,

nor easily forgotten,

and her memory

becomes sometimes bitter,

sometimes sweet,

but more often

a mingling of

both,

yet the sun still beckons,

move on,

step forward,

here lies life's gift,

new possibilities,

infinite horizons,

come as you are,

battered, bruised, limping,

come,

receive,

step in,

step out,

you will never

be the same...

 

Peace that passes all understanding... ( pondering Pentecost)

How did it get to be Thursday?

And is it really Pentecost this week?

And while I am at it, am I really a grandmother, and how has my life changed so dramatically over the last few months and years?

I am beginning to feel like I have come to the end of a wild roller coaster ride and smashed into a brick wall, and now I am gasping for breath and wondering how I got here...

It has been a wild ride and continues to be so, there have been amazing high points and some really low ones, and they continue in a weird mixture of what is often called life's rich tapestry when I am being positive and chaos when I am being negative, mostly it is life's rich chaos I think...

It is out of that chaos that I find myself preparing to preach on the birth of the church and the amazing, awesome, mysterious, unexplainable plan of God to work through his people in the power of the Holy Spirit. The God who comes to us and fills us with his presence when we let him, the God who draws us to himself and touches our lives in a way nobody and nothing else could. As I ponder all of this I am aware that the first pentecost was born out of life's rich chaos too, the disciples had also been on a wild roller coaster ride, meeting and walking with Jesus, being taught and called, empowered and equipped, bemused bereaved and astounded, full of belief and wracked with despair and disbelief they were told to wait and pray. 

I am trying to place myself into their shoes, to wonder with them what they were waiting for, and I am not finding it difficult, because when I wait on God I am never sure what he is going to bring my way! Into the waiting time the Holy Spirit came not peacefully as a dove but with wind and flame, with a power that filled the waiting group and propelled them not into a nice calm and ordered way of life but onto another wild ride, and yet it was one where the power and assurance of God was such that they could not escape it. The peace that passes all understanding would see them through persecution and shipwreck, torture and death...

As I ponder this I know that I am held and centered by that same peace, that through the highs and lows of life he has not and will not let me go, that even in the storm he IS there. The Holy Spirit of God is working in and through me, I may feel like I have hit a brick wall, I might be battered and bruised and confused by life but I am held by one who loves me deeply, and the wonderful truth is that that love is still deeper, wider and higher than anything I could ever imagine. 

I love Pentecost, I love the reminder it brings to me that I do not have to do "it", that it is God who works in me according to his good purpose and that his plan is perfect, and that nothing, nothing at all can separate me from that love.

So today as I prepare to celebrate the birth of the church afresh I come with all that I am, my faults and flaws, my gifts and talents, for I need his presence more than the air I breathe, and as so often happens I am reminded of his knowledge of me, as even today when I was feeling downhearted, dispirited and exhausted he brought 3 different in the flesh people alongside me, to hold my hand and pray with me....

What next? I have no idea, but I suspect it will be a wild ride....

Come Holy Spirit, come, come in power, come in peace...

 

A blessing for Sarah Judith

Lord bless Sarah Judith,

this new gift of life,

hedge her around with your protection,

bless her mother and father who

will hold and protect her,

 and grow in her your gifts,

potentials and possibilities,

may she know joy and peace,

love and laughter,

warmth and safety,

may she bring those gifts

and be those gifts,

may she grow in grace

and be whole and strong,

bless her to be a blessing 

and comfort her with your song.

This is Sarah Judith Reay, born 10th May 2013, in Newcastle to Emma and Chris.

Pondering the gift of Ascension Day

I am pondering the ascension on Ascension Day, pondering and wondering, trying to put myself into the shoes of the gathered disciples as they watched in amazement as Jesus disappeared . What a roller coaster ride they have had, not only in the last few weeks as they perhaps traveled with their friend from the triumphal entry into Jerusalem through the horrors of the crucifixion to the resurrection, but also before that as they responded to his call and teaching in different ways. The call of Jesus turned their lives upside down right from the beginning of their ministry, I am thinking of the fishermen who left their nets, of Matthew the tax collector who left his table, of women who followed and cooked and supplied for their needs...

Yes Jesus drew them and stirred something in them that gave them the strength and courage to leave their day to day lives, yes they saw amazing things, healing and miracles, but surely even these things were unsettling, just think of Peter's reaction to that first miraculous catch of fish: 

"Get away from me Lord, I am a sinful man..."

Their minds, and emotions must have been in overdrive, joy, sorrow, comprehension, confusion, questions, answers and half answers and more questions, horror, relief, terror, turmoil and hope, the list goes on, and it gives me hope. I think we all have times of turmoil and change in our lives, times where an array of thoughts, feelings, emotions and questions are stirred up, times when we feel like our world is being turned over and wonder what is coming next. Those times can be in our personal lives or corporately in some way, and I guess I am thinking here mostly of churches who are asking questions of their future. That said I am also reflecting on a time of huge change in my personal life that has left me wondering what on earth is going on.

So why is the account of the Ascension helping me, and how on earth can an account of Jesus disappearing be good news? Of course I have the advantage that I know what comes next, but right now I am trying to put that aside and to ascend the mountain with the disciples, I am trying to hear Jesus teaching, to experience with them the opening of my mind to fresh understandings of how God works and how he has spoken even through the mess and muddle of psalms and prophets, and met them even in their struggle and failure to obey the law in Jesus the fulfillment of all their hopes. Now he is going, but he does not leave them without hope, he is promising them his gift, promised from the Father, all they have to do is wait, and with that he led them out, blessed them and ascended into heaven....

I wonder what their thoughts were as they returned, I wonder if they felt unsure, nervous, battered and bruised, held only by the spark of hope ignited by the promise and the blessing. I suspect they did, I almost hope that they did for if that is how they felt and were they give me hope, and I believe that their story brings hope to the church today, and perhaps that hope lies deepest in the one thing they were told to do; "wait and pray".

What happens when we wait and pray, what happens when we decide to seek God through our pain and helplessness, in the midst of our muddle and confusion? 

"...those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40. vs. 31

Those who wait on the Lord renew their strength, and find that their strength is not in themselves but in God. I have recently challenged two churches to stop and to wait, to allow God to renew their strength, to wait on God for his gift, for the one thing from which fresh growth will begin, and while we know that God is with us, that the Holy Spirit is in and around us, there are times when what we need is not the latest idea but God himself to renew us. In fact I'd say that we always need God to renew us, but maybe particularly in times of change when we know that something new is coming and we are caught between what was and what will be, in the liminal space where the ground seems to shift beneath our feet making us unsteady. Into this space God comes to renew us, and the waiting time becomes for us a cocoon from which we will emerge changed, like a butterfly where once a caterpillar had been.

So today I am grateful for the gift of Ascension Day, it has spoken to me differently this year, and I find myself wanting to embrace the waiting time, to feel the spark within me fanned into flame, to be made ready for the new thing, strengthened in my walk of faith.

asking, seeking, knocking

ask you say,

well some days

I don't know what to ask

or how, but here I am 

praying that you will still

the storm that rages all about me,

longing for your peace,

and seeking the still small voice

whose breath

is more powerful than the thousand

questions and accusations

I find rushing through my brain,

here I am seeking to be

more like you,

longing for your work of transformation

to take me to new levels

of faith 

but straining to see

the way through the tangled wilderness

of my days

so I am knocking,

no I am railing against heaven's door,

will you answer,

will you grant me your

gift of grace

for you are the answer I need,

and it is you I am seeking ,

will you help me?

will you strengthen me?

will you wrap your arms around me?

I am asking, seeking, knocking

in obedience to you...

"And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you."

(Luke 11:19)